Michael W. Anderson - Gist: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids

Gist is a potent dose of advice from a pediatrician and a child psychologist, both of whom have witnessed the unfortunate results that come when parents try to protect, prevent, and control at every turn instead of preparing their kids for life. Combining the expertise of their respective professions with very practical tips, these authors offer a how-to manual for any parent who wants to prepare their kids to thrive as adults.

JULIE LYTHCOTT-HAIMS

Former dean of students, Stanford University

I have been a colleague of Michael Anderson for more than thirty years and have found him to be provocatively insightful and practical. So it is no surprise that Gist is extraordinary. Michael is joined by Dr. Tim Johanson, with his own stellar background as a pediatrician, and Gist is filled with their eye-opening, nontraditional insights. I would recommend Gist to anybody who has children or cares about them, whether parent, grandparent, teacher, or counselor. The writing is clear, profound, and immediately useful.

JEFF VANVONDEREN

Certified intervention professional

It has been many years since I have read a book that I recommend as strongly as Gist. I consider it a must-read for todays parents. I was absolutely riveted by how the authors wrote about self-esteem and shame in this book. Anderson and Johanson, a psychologist and a pediatrician, have written a grounded and remarkable book that will challenge parents to the core. It did me.

JANICE MCWILLIAMS

MDiv, licensed clinical professional counselor, and mom

Gist: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids

2013, 2016, 2019 by Michael W. Anderson, L.P. and Timothy D. Johanson, M.D. All rights reserved.

A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise without prior written permission of Focus on the Family.

The case examples presented in this book are altered stories or composites based on the authors clinical experience with hundreds of clients through the years. Peoples names and certain details of their stories have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. However, the important factors of what happened and the underlying principles have been conveyed as accurately as possible.

The use of material from or references to various websites does not imply endorsement of those sites in their entirety. Availability of websites and pages is subject to change without notice.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data can be found at www.loc.gov.

ISBN 978-1-58997-586-6

Build: 2021-04-21 14:31:21 EPUB 3.0

To children everywhere who simply want to be raised in homes where grace, love, firmness, and consistency are abundant.

To parents who strive to raise their children to be ready for life.

T HIS BOOK JUST WOULDNT GO AWAY.

Both of us, in our own ways, tried to push it off for a decade or more. For the longest time we couldnt quite see how to write a book about how to parent when the how to advice nearly always started with, That depends... In both our respective offices, parents sat in the waiting room and hoped they would learn some way to treat the presenting problem, whatever that happened to be.

Frequently, the presenting problem was not the real problem. Bad grades, stress symptoms, frequent fussing, defiance, depression, self-destructive behavior, and conflict often brought families in for help. But the real issue was that the families were stuck, tired, angry, and confused about where their problem came from. They didnt know what to do and they wanted that behavior, fear, and pain to stop now.

We found ourselves helping parents think differently about a situation and were amazed at how quickly the problem improved or disappeared simply by seeing it in a new and accurate light. We came to believe that the best hope in addressing parenting issues is to think differently about parenting issues.

That belief is what motivated us to capture these thoughts and stories in a book. Thinking better wont solve every parenting challenge, as parenting is a difficult and formidable task. But better thinking is our best chance of making parenting successful, enjoyable, and hopeful.

We certainly dont intend to imply that healthy parenting is rare or nonexistent. However, too many parents are tired and lost these days. For parents who are drowning, this book could be a lifeboat. For parents who are doing well, this book will be a pleasant and validating read as they learn more about the wisdom of their own approach.

Long before we met, we were both troubled by how stressed out kids seem to be as they grow up, and we both chose careers that gave us the privilege to watch and learn. This book came out of our experience spending, collectively, more than fifty years listening to kids in our offices, then listening to their parents, then listening to kids again, and then their parents again. When we first met, we would spend hours discussing why we sounded like we were contradicting ourselves, when we knew we werent. There isnt one right way to fall in love, to chase a dream, to have a career, or to grow spiritually and there isnt one right way to parent.

A parent recently asked us at a workshop, What should I do if my seventh-grade son leaves his homework on the kitchen counter when he leaves for school in the morning?

That depends on your son, we answered. Tell us about your son. Overall, is he a fairly responsible seventh grader?

Oh yes, hes extremely responsible for his age.

Then just jump in the car and run his book up to the school. And by the way, stick two dollars in his math book for a sports drink. You dont need to teach a responsible son to be responsible. He already knows that he just forgot his homework. You have other things to teach him that are more relevant.

If the son had been perpetually irresponsible, we would have recommended a different approach. One-size-fits-all parenting would most likely recommend teaching him a lesson he didnt need to learn while adding needless strain to the whole process.

How to parent a situation will depend on in which areas your child is doing well and in which areas he or she is falling behind. We feel a good parenting book will show how and why one child should be parented differently from another child or the neighbors kids. Heres the thing: We dont know your children and where they come from. Are they biological or adopted? Are you a single parent or in a two-parent family? Do your children have reading disabilities or social limitations? Are they depressed or angry? All these factors will affect your parenting decisions.