Dr. Sheila Graham Smith - Tell the Truth About Adultery: A Story of Love, Betrayal, and Hope

It has been twenty years since I wrote my divorce story! Back then, I had sent it to a publishing company, and they were initially interested. However, the editorial board rescinded their interest and responded to me with an unusually worded sentence,

We think the raw emotions you express would be too difficult to read. No, we are not interested in publishing your story at this time. So, I put it away till now.

A new friend in my life, a fellow writer, was asking me about my past and in getting to know each other, I mentioned that I had written this mini saga down. She was anxious to read it. Her response after reading Tell the Truth About Adultery was the antithesis of the editorial boards opinion.

She said, This is authentic and poignant. Other women who have experienced what you have need to read it.

Yes, twenty years ago, I wrote this for me, for my healing, but I also had others in mind who might have walked in my shoes and needed validation, to be seen and feel safe in their vulnerability, to know that their feelings and experiences were authentic and not too anything!

Considering the #metoo movement in our world today, I want women, especially ministers wives who find themselves in similar situations, to be brave about their stories. Men in positions of power in the entertainment and political spheres are being exposed. My prediction that the spiritual arena is next is coming to fruition. I urge victimized women to no longer believe the lies by which theyve been manipulated in the past when their thoughts were held captive by their abuser. Tell your story and begin the process of healing. Be challenged. As your sisters hear your story, they will be encouraged and strengthened.

Im now in my sixties and have remained silent, except for in private conversations. Recently, Ive experienced a reawakening thats been in part a settling for the status-quo and another part reinvention. For you see, in the last twenty years, I have gone through major life upheavals as we all do. Right after my divorce, my father and brother died within five years of each other, I remarried the loveliest man (a childhood friend), fought illnesses (hepatitis C, lupus, and breast cancer), became a grandmother (five exuberant times), had to take early medical retirement from a hard, sought-for career and claim disability, and mourned my mothers recent passing. Whew! Its been quite a ride! On the bright side, marrying my best friend during tumult has been a startling and precious gift. He has been a true partner, only wishing what is best for me.

A variable in this roller coaster litany of upheavals is the autoimmune disorder, lupus. Ive experienced numerous hospital stays and procedures, convalesced and recuperated. And I can say truthfully that Ive now settled into a place of peace, working each day within the job description of being healthy. Practically, Ive learned that my responsibility is to do whatever is in my power to be as healthy as possible. Spiritually, Im learning to live one day at a time with a recurrent request of God, Put in my path, show me today, what you want of me.

What does this repeating request look like? Its living in the mindset of recognition, recognizing Gods voice, acknowledging his direction, and following through. These daily implementations are not extraordinary! Sometimes its as simple as turning the compost pile and collecting eggs from our hens. Other days its saying yes to a tutoring request from students whove been referred to me. Its always about sharing meals with friends and family. Its about holding babies in the church nursery so that young parents are free to soak up much-needed spiritual nourishment.

Its about spending endless hours in my garden and opening the garden gate to friends and neighbors. Its about writing devotionals as part of our churchs ministry. Its writing bi-weekly blog posts. Ive learned to be grateful for forced medical retirement because how else would I have had time to pick up grandchildren from school and offer uninterrupted hours of grandma presence? Chronic illness sifts away the debris of lifes distractions. Whats left are the essentials: relationships and the love needed to grow these relationships.