Meg Wilson - Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage

Hope After Betrayal: Healing When Sexual Addiction Invades Your Marriage

2007, 2018 by Meg Wilson

Revised and expanded edition 2018

Published by Kregel Publications, a division of Kregel Inc., 2450 Oak Industrial Dr. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49505.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in reviews.

Distribution of digital editions of this book in any format via the internet or any other means without the publishers written permission or by license agreement is a violation of copyright law and is subject to substantial fines and penalties. Thank you for supporting the authors rights by purchasing only authorized editions.

The author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical or psychological services, and this book is not intended as a guide to diagnose or treat medical or psychological problems. If medical, psychological, or other expert assistance is required, the reader should seek the services of a health-care provider or certified counselor.

The stories told in this book are a composite of thousands of people the author has worked with over more than a decade. The author takes confidentiality seriously and has completely changed names and details of any story. In the case of her family members, stories have been used with permission.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

ISBN 978-0-8254-4567-5

Printed in the United States of America

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A s I sit down to update the original Hope After Betrayal manuscript, so many questions tug at my heart: Has it really been ten years since the book came out? Do I have anything new to say? Can I write to the same standard?

I take writing about God seriously.

When Hope After Betrayal first came out, I was invited to do an interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine at Family Life Today. I knew it was an honor, but Im not one to get all worked up over fame or notoriety, so I didnt read too much into it. I thought that, like other interviews Id had, they would want to focus on our story of sexual addiction and betrayal. Refreshingly, the focus was on how God worked through the healing journey.

During my visit, I was given a tour of the beautiful Family Life facility. After seeing several award-laden halls, we came to a large, unadorned room full of busy people working at their gray desks.

My tour guide said, This is our theology department. Then he added nonchalantly, Your book had to go through them before you were ever invited to be a guest on our show.

Its hard, even now, to describe how I felt in that moment. It was so much more than affirmation. My heart was utterly settled that Gods hand was in the writing of this book, and I had been as true to His Word as I knew how.

A decade later, to accurately represent the heart of God remains both my prayer and confidence as I again set pen to paper for this expanded edition of Hope After Betrayal. I wont change what was written in the original story, but I hope to add to the story as the Lord has added to my life.

At the end of each chapter I have added a Perspective section to include new concepts and lessons Ive learned with ten more years of experience. I trust God will continue to be revealed in my ever-changing path. I trust that even my painfully slow growth will be evident as I look back.

I also want every woman to find her voice spoken on these pages. I have added a fourth woman, Dee Dee, who adds another facet and voice to the stories. As I have walked the path of recovery with women of color, theyve taught me that there are distinct cultural differences on their journeys. But pain is not a respecter of race, and the feelings and fallout are the same even though some details vary. I pray even more women will feel represented and free to grab hold of the universal healing power of God.

My husbands full disclosure came in March 2001, and its been more than ten years since I wrote about my journey from hurt to hope. All the glory goes to God, for there were many times I wandered outside of His will. Every time, He patiently waited for my return. I never tire of His healing embrace, life-changing conviction, and daily supply of amazing grace. It is for Him that I live, breathe, and worship. It is for every woman wounded and abandoned by the person who promised to love and cherish her that I write. It is for you that I try to be as honest as I can about my own weaknesses and flaws.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned is the power of transparency. When we are facedown in the mud, we dont need someone to point out how dirty we are. We need someone who has been there and who can show us their torn and tattered clothes as proof of their experience. Thats right, there is a time and a place to air your dirty laundry. If you do your work, then you too will be a resource to another hurting woman, and the Lord will one day invite you to air your past. When that moment comes and your heart is pounding in your chest, everything in you will want to keep a lid on those old rags. Remember the power of knowing someone who has been there. Nothing is gained by remaining quiet, while so much is gained as the Lord uses what was intended for evil for the good of another. She will be ministered to even as you are blessed by the healing bond of common pain.

H ow does a woman pick her way through the darkness? How does she pick up the pieces? How does she cope after discovering her husband has engaged in sexual activities outside of their marriage? Since youre holding this book, Im guessing you, or someone close to you, has recently had her life devastated by sexual betrayal. Or perhaps your wound from betrayal is an old one, made worse by a believer, pastor, or counselor who offered well-meaning but unhelpful direction.

More than a decade ago, the path of my life was altered forever.

I was a suburban wife with two daughters, two cars, two pets, and a firm grasp on the American dream. Central to all of this was a loving and successful husband who loved the Lord. I had it all! Oh, there were the run-of-the-mill challenges of parenting and finances. I simply glossed over them and pressed on.