Milton S Magness - Real Hope, True Freedom: Understanding and Coping with Sex Addiction

When I first began offering Three-Day Intensives that focused on restoring relationships damaged by sex addiction, I did not realize how many couples would want to participate in these programs. For many years I did my best to accommodate as many couples as my schedule would allow. But one therapist cannot meet the needs of all couples. Additionally, I realized that unless I trained other therapists in my treatment model, the Hope & Freedom Intensive Program would end whenever my career comes to an end.

Over the past several years, I have trained a small number of outstanding therapists to become Certified Hope & Freedom Practitioners (CHFP). I looked for deeply skilled sex addiction therapists who would come to Houston and learn my treatment model while working with several couples in Hope & Freedom Intensives. What I did not expect was how much I was going to learn from this group. I sit in awe of them and of their commitment to help couples restore their relationships. In every case, the teacher became a student during the training.

I have read glowing success stories from many couples who attest that their relationships have been saved by CHFPs. Each week these incredible therapists are giving couples a second chance. I am privileged to be associated with them. Rather than list them all here, I would encourage you to go to www.FindACHFP.com to read about them and their work.

Publishers can make or break authors. I want to thank all of the talented and dedicated people at Central Recovery Press for their work and commitment to this project. This is my second book with CRP and I am finding again that working with them has been an absolute pleasure. From my first contact with Executive Editor Nancy Schenck, to the guidance of Eliza Tutellier and Valerie Killeen, to the marketing genius of Patrick Hughes, and especially to the many hours of work with my gifted editor, Dan Mager, I have been privileged to be able to associate with the best publishing team anywhere.

Milton S. Magness

Chapters not listed here contain no FAQs.

CHAPTER 1: THE ROLE OF FAMILY OF ORIGIN

Addiction seems to run in my family. Three of my four grandparents are alcoholics and my brother is a drug addict. Am I at greater risk of developing addiction?

I think that my mothers trauma and my fathers inability to deal with it greatly affected their relationship with me. Is it possible that this lack of bonding contributed to the development of my sex addiction?

CHAPTER 2: ABUSE

When I was ten, I found some soft-core porn magazines hidden in my fathers dresser. I would sneak them out and masturbate to the images every time I was home alone. How do I stop feeling guilty about doing that?

I was brutally whipped by my father many times until I was a teenager. Could this abuse be partly responsible for my sex addiction?

Both of my parents used to slap me a lot when I was a child. I dont remember acting out sexually until I was about fifteen. Why didnt I develop sex addiction earlier?

CHAPTER 4: OTHER RISK FACTORS

Is there an addiction gene?

My therapist said I should see a psychiatrist. Why would he suggest that?

My wife is convinced I have ADHD. Could this cause my sex addiction?

Will taking my medication for ADHD eliminate the need for me to attend twelve-step meetings?

What part does depression play in sex addiction, and how does sex addiction affect depression?

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. How does this impact my sex addiction?

Im sure my husband is a narcissist. Is narcissism related to sex addiction?

What is empathy and how do I do it?

How did I become a sex addict?

If I think my husband may have a personality disorder or some other form of mental illness, what should I do?

I think I may have an abnormally high sex drive. Could my sexual behavior be a hormonal problem?

CHAPTER 5: THE ROLE OF PORNOGRAPHY

Is addiction to pornography different from sex addiction?

Can pornography cause erectile dysfunction (ED)?

Can pornography harm my marriage?

As a sex addict, how do I determine if masturbation is healthy or not?

In recovery from sex addiction, when is masturbation considered a relapse?

CHAPTER 6: THE PROGRESSION OF SEX ADDICTION

There is a lot of talk about whether masturbation for sex addicts is healthy or not. If your spouse is all right with masturbation and you are both open about it, is it okay?

I just found out my husband has been having sex with men. I am more devastated by this than by learning hes had sex with many female prostitutes. How can I compete with a man? Does this mean my husband is gay?

Does sex addiction lead to homosexuality?

Does past sexual abuse impact gender preference in sex addiction?

My husband condemns inter-racial relationships, same-sex relationships, and viewing child pornography. Now I find out these are his acting-out behaviors. Can you explain this contradiction?

My husband is a sex addict and I am worried he may harm my teenage daughter. Is she at risk?

CHAPTER 7: GENERAL QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX ADDICTION

How common is sex addiction?

Is sex addiction a real disease?

What are the criteria for diagnosis of sex addiction?

Why is sex addiction not listed in the DSM-5?

What is the difference between sex addiction and love addiction?

What is the difference between sex addiction and being polyamorous?

Is there a relationship between IQ and sex addiction?

Is there a relationship between wealth and sex addiction?

What makes it so difficult for people with sex addiction to ask for help, even when they obviously need it?

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

What is being done to educate the general public about sex addiction?

How could I have participated in behaviors that are so contrary to my faith and values?

How does sex addiction affect a persons self-esteem?

If I become successful at not acting out, will I still always be a sex addict?

CHAPTER 8: QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX ADDICTION FROM PARTNERS

Why didnt I see the signs before? How could his addiction remain hidden for so many years? Am I a fool or naive to not have seen it earlier?

How could he have hidden the electronic tracks of his acting out so well?

Is there anything I could have done to prevent him from being unfaithful to me?

Why would my husband want to have sex with others rather than me?

Why does my husband prefer an unattractive prostitute to his beautiful, loving wife?

Can you explain the irony of a sex addict who is unable or unwilling to have sex with his wife?

Why didnt he ever think of me and our children and the damage he was causing by his acting out?

How can he prefer masturbation to having sex with me?

Why did I end up in this relationship?

Will my husband always feel like he needs something more?

Why do so many churches seem to blame the wife instead of addressing sex addiction?

If this is an addiction and the addicts sexual acting out is compulsive, how is it that sexual liaisons are often carefully planned in advance?

I just found out that my husband is a sex addict. Am I in danger?

I dont like my husband going to twelve-step meetings. He tells me that many of the men there continue to act out.