Helle Amin - Reunited in the Desert: How I Risked Everything to See My Children Again

A Woman in Two Worlds

I ve spent the past few years travelling between two worlds. One world I was familiar with; as for the other, I still havent got my head around it. In my familiar Western surroundings I prided myself on being a loving mum and a faithful, giving wife. In the new, harsh and cruel environment I was accused of being an unworthy Western woman, not fit to be a mother or a wife.

Ive always been drawn to other cultures and Ive travelled a lot, so maybe I was destined to find a husband with a background completely different from mine. I even converted to Islam, as I thought it would improve our relationship and make things easier for everyone.

I wanted to be happily married, with a bright future and kids running about my home. I thought I had the husband I wanted. I certainly had the kids I wanted, but I could never have predicted the ordeal that awaited me in the deserts of Saudi Arabia.

Nor could anything have prepared me for what was to happen in such a short space of time. I can only compare it to being brought up in, say, South America and then having to live the rest of your life at the North Pole. And Im not joking.

I remember people telling me that I may as well give up, as it was virtually impossible to get into Saudi; that my quest to find my children and gain custody of them was a non-starter. I could see why my advisers and even some of my friends were so negative.

And, after researching the subject of child abductions, I myself realised that the success rate for mothers trying to regain their children wasnt high. I talked to dozens of organisations, lawyers and mums whod lost their children and took on board all the advice I could get.

When I weighed up the facts, my task looked uphill all the way. All the mothers I talked to had endured traumatic experiences; many had fought a lone battle to get their children back; most told me they felt dead inside; several were going through financial hardship. Only very few had managed to be reunited with their children.

After my experience of free-and-easy British culture and then the laidback lifestyle of Bali, I was about to enter another, totally unfamiliar world. I took for granted what it was like to stretch out on a beach and sunbathe, go out for a glass or two of wine or enjoy a night at the cinema. This new world didnt have much of any of that.

I was used to getting behind the wheel of my car and driving, without having to think about it. I enjoyed walking along the road, completely free, with the wind blowing in my hair. Awaiting me in this other world were religious police who were determined that not even a strand should show.

I was a Western girl used to a Western lifestyle. Id long enjoyed all the thrills and frills, and thats the only way of life I knew. But looming on the horizon was a desert, barren geographically and spiritually, where I could never ever fit in.

When I put my case before a Saudi court, I realised I was a bit of a one-off. So rare was it for a Western woman to be standing there outlining her case that all the men present seemed to look uncomfortable. No matter how much you try, if youre not born a Muslim youll never convince them that you and your views have any value.

Every day in Saudi Arabia, I felt as if I was no one at all, walking around with most of my body hidden from view. A Saudi woman has little status; but a woman from the West has no status. Why hadnt I married again? There must be something wrong with her if she hasnt married again. I could sense thats what Arab men were thinking. They simply thought I was too unworthy to even give me the time of day.

Despite that cool welcome in the desert, I was prepared to do anything to get my children back. I flew thousands of miles and begged every favour I could from anyone and everyone.

I was told I had to have a relationship just to obtain the correct paperwork. Now thats something I would never have contemplated; but when its a case of children or no children, a mother has little choice. I was a desperate woman, prepared to take desperate steps. Now, after doing just that, I look around me and see my four boys laughing and joking once again.

What you are about to read involves sadness, humour, human strengths and weaknesses. There are high points and some exceptionally low ones as I find myself on a rollercoaster that just keeps on going.

I felt qualified to write it. I married a Muslim; I became a Muslim myself; I lost my children; I had to live in Saudi Arabia and pursue justice through both the Saudi legal system and that of my own world. The whole process has left me a wiser and stronger person. Inevitably perhaps, Ive also become much harder.

Along the way Ive made fantastic friends, people who rallied to my cause and would do anything to help. I met others who fiercely opposed what I was doing; as for them, well just have to stay worlds apart.