Michelle Janning - The Stuff of Family Life: How Our Homes Reflect Our Lives

The Stuff of Family Life

Michelle Janning

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York London

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Printed in the United States of America

For Neal and Aaron

Thanks to Sarah Stanton at Rowman & Littlefield, who assured me all along that its my voice that needs to be heard, even if its an impatient voice trying to reach an audience whose members may not always find themselves in pleasant mixed company. Thanks also to reviewers and editors who helped along the way.

Thanks to my Whitman sociology colleagues Keith Farrington, Helen Kim, Gilbert Mireles, Bill Bogard, Alissa Cordner, Alvaro Santana-Acua, and all past and present colleagues, who amaze me with their kindness, smarts, and support. Im grateful to Whitman College for providing support for collaboration with stellar studentsand thanks to all of my former students, for inspiration in the classroom. I would also like to give a special thanks to all students with whom I have collaborated in research and writing over the years, many of whom are mentioned in this book as my co-authors. Thanks to the College for supporting faculty members who write, and for being a place with amazing past and present students who teach me daily how to ask good questions in order to get good answers and, sometimes, how to be okay with not knowing the answer. I am a better teacher because I write, and I am a better writer because I teach these amazing students. The fact that they keep in touch even after they graduate and continue to ask me good questions is a testament to the amazing liberal arts education they have as a foundation.

Thanks to my Council on Contemporary Families friends, whose tireless work in the name of showing families as they really are has been an inspiration for my own work.

Thanks to all of the people who filled out a survey, sat through an interview, or otherwise contributed a voice to my research. You are not data points, you are the stories that make up this book.

Thanks to friends and family members who read bits of the book with an eye toward helping me offer my words with compassion and inclusivity without being superficial.

A special thanks to Louisa Albermann and Anna Jakobsen for letting me be your American mom for a year or so as I watched in awe at your bravery and growth in the States, and as you shared ideas with me about your own homes and families.

Thanks to Amy Davis Bruner, who helped me see myself. Trying is not the same as doing. I see that now.

Thanks to Jennifer Steffens for all of the silly poems and calendars and for trips to cold places that we loveand everything else, including your parents wise words. And thanks to all my good friends, near and far, for your courage at climbing ice walls, photographing wildlife, teaching little ones, supporting and building up each others foundations, sharing ideas about books and kids and life, writing, and protesting what isnt right.

Thanks to Auntie Diane Houtkooper, who reminds me at every turn how important it is to look at the lives we lead every day and how much that can teach us about our small role in the world today and for generations to come. You are loved, and you are lovely.

Thanks to other academics who write about the things I love, many of whom are cited in this book. Necessarily when we write, we take the pieces we know, or that fit into the story were weaving, or that we stumble upon, and say, Hey, cool, this is too good not to include. But, inevitably, I have missed pieces of research and writing from others much smarter than I am that would also fit or detail my very general claims. So, thanks to those whom Ive cited, and thanks for your forgiveness to those whom Ive inevitably and inadvertently left out.

Thanks to Maggie, the aging dog, who is a daily reminder of what it means to care for another being who gives you love no matter what, and who plops herself behind my chair so I cant get up from my writing desk.

Thanks to Mom for your love, penchant for fun, perfect penmanship, and ability to just listen no matter what weird stories your daughter is telling, even and especially if theyre about you. Yours is the gift of unquestionable love, and I thank you for loving me for who I am.

Thanks to Mark for giving me that Eiffel Tower sculpture made out of an old sock and a coat hanger, and for sometimes dressing like Elvis because thats just what you do. Thanks to Marty for throwing me across the room to Mark (while I was little and wrapped in a blanket like a burrito) and for embodying all that there is to working hard and being devoted to healing people. Thanks to both of you, my big brothers, for your own family stories, and for your love and admiration and good sense of humor, all of which remind me of Dad. You have taught me, in quiet and not-so-quiet ways, how to spin a decent story.

Thanks to Richard and Christina for your endless knowledge about our social world, our kids, and our communities, and for your ability to show the best kinds of love. You model a life that I see embodied in a loving husband every day. Thanks to all of the Jannings and Christophersons and those who are connected to me in a family genogram, for inspiring me with stories, and for letting me tell some of them.

Thanks to Angela Lansbury, whose characterization of J. B. Fletcher inspired me nightly in my binge-watching of Murder, She Wrote to write about things I see in my everyday life and not to be fazed when bad things happen. Luckily, I dont write about murder. But still. Im grateful for the character. And her ability to appreciate how small-town relations may matter as much as solving a big ol crime.

Thanks to you, the reader. My hope is that wherever I go, people can share stories with me about how their home spaces and objects help to tell the stories of their families. Maybe someday Ill get to hear your stories. Please tell them to me.