Infinite Ideas - Recapture Your Bounce: Brilliant Ideas for Getting More Energy

Recapture your bounce

Brilliant ideas for getting more energy

Infinite Ideas

8. Energy black holes

One of the biggest energy drains in your life could be occupying the other half of your double bed.

Energy black holes are often the people around us even the people we love. Dealing with their little ways can be exhausting. So what can you do?

First, make a list of the five people you spend most time with and ask yourself: How do I feel after spending an afternoon with them? If the answer is exhausted, then you need to either avoid the person or shore up your energy reserves when youre with them and be very aware of the effect they have on you.

There are two types of black hole the energy drainer, who leaches away your energy, or the energy enforcer, who imposes their personality and needs all over your psyche so you end up exhausted. Here is an example of each type.

The yes, but an energy drainer

Everyone occasionally expresses doubts about a friends suggestion. For the yes, but crew, its default mode. Whatever the decision, whatever the predicament, whatever suggestions are offered, the response of these people is always the same: Yes, but. They always see problems. They never generate solutions. They always rain on your parade.

• How to spot one. Name just one time they were positive about any new plan, suggestion or person. No? You got one.
• How they steal your energy. You have to generate enough enthusiasm for both of you.
• How to deal with it. Decide for yourself what action youll take and present it to them. Before they can say yes, but, whisk out the room and put your plan into action. In the long term its worth seriously thinking whether you want them in your life at all. They are often lovely people, with our best interests at heart but, no matter how gentle their yes, but, their basic fear of life holds back them, and everyone else they are associated with.

The control freak an energy enforcer

People who only feel comfortable when theyre making the ultimate decisions tend to be the ones in charge at home and at work. One of the supervisors I had was an energy enforcer. Being with her was absolutely exhausting she talked so fast, wanted so much information, had so many ideas that I was like a boiled rag by the end of our sessions. When I realised what was going on, I took precautions a double espresso before our session and an hour lying on the couch listening to classical music afterwards. She was worth it, because she taught me loads. At their best, control freaks keep the world turning round. The problems arise when they get so used to getting their own way that they forget that there is a valid alternative. Nobody else gets a look-in.

• How to spot one. Think of a time when you did what you wanted to do with no argument or prevarication, or prior proof that their way wasnt working. In extreme cases, or where the freak is your boss, the answer might be never.
• How they steal your energy. When they tip into bullies, and undermine your self-confidence.
• How to deal with it. Control freaks nearly always gravitate towards easy-going people. Most units cant handle two of them. Never give them a problem without suggesting a solution. Otherwise theyll stop focusing on the real problem and start thinking that youre the problem that they have to sort out. You really dont want to be taken over as a control freaks new project. When they start trying to control something extremely important to you how often you see your kids, or how often you have sex you have to be very clear about what you think is reasonable, and that this is not just another encounter where youll give in for an easy life.

Heres an idea for you

Think of ways you can rephrase problems in your relationships so that you express what you want from the relationship. For instance say I want to have my ideas respected rather than My boss is such a wet blanket. Or I want to be equally responsible in our relationship rather than My husband always decides where we eat. It gives you a framework of how to behave in order to get what you want. The sentences that begin I give you options; in the others, youre a victim of anothers behaviours which, ultimately, you cant do anything to change.

Defining idea

Nobody realises that people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

Albert Camus, philosopher

How did it go?

Q.What if my boyfriend is a yes, but ?

A.Of course, not all energy black holes should be excised from your life. But its good to remember that its always an option. With my supervisor, I only had to see her once a week. A boyfriend is more problematic. At the end of the day, each of us has to decide if the relationship with a black hole gives more than it takes away. You could explain to him the effect his behaviour has on you. Just dont waste energy trying to change him.

Q.I spend most of my time with my two children two huge energy black holes. But thats kids for you, eh?

A.In what way do they drain your energy? You need to recognise when they are being energy drains and when energy enforcers. All children are energy drains sometimes. They get sick, they need to be played with, they wake in the night. Finding the energy to deal with that is part of being a parent. But when they flip into being energy enforcers wilfully sapping your energy thats different. My youngest child is a far stronger-willed character than me, but just because shes only six doesnt mean she has the right to enforce her energy at the expense of mine. I see children draining their parents energy all the time and the parents letting them. As soon as your children are old enough to understand the concept of fair play, they are old enough to understand that your energy deserves respect too.

9. Avoid the brain drain

Are you feeling mentally sluggish? Having difficulty concentrating? Got an important exam or interview coming up, but feel like your brain has all the sharpness of a wet sponge? Then do this.

We can help. In just two weeks.

Brain ageing starts at a very young age, far younger than most of us imagine. How young? Your twenties, basically. No sooner has your brain stopped growing (late teens, early twenties) than it starts deteriorating. Ironic? No kidding. But given theres not much mileage in railing against evolution, what can we do about it?

A lot is the answer. Genetics is only about one-third of what predicts brain ageing, say the boffins at UCLAs Anti-Ageing Institute. The other two-thirds have to do with our environment and lifestyle choices.

Retrain your brain

If youre mentally sluggish and have trouble remembering not just where you left the car keys, but where you left the car, try this programme based on the latest research into brain drain. You can hope to see more mental sharpness within a few weeks.

Every morning

Chuck a handful of blueberries, prunes or raisins onto your cereal or porridge. These and other fruits and vegetables which have a deep-blue colour are particularly high in the ORAC scale. The higher it is on the ORAC scale, the more brain-boosting anti-ageing antioxidants a food has.

Every day

Eat three meals and two snacks. Your brain needs a steady flow of fuel. Aim for at least one food supplying omega-3 oils thats avocados, walnuts and, of course, fish. Or pop a supplement either fish oil, or flax seed oil or evening primrose oil if youre a vegetarian. Limit saturated fatty foods red meat and dairy.

Every couple of hours

De-stress. Cortisol is released when were stressed and, according to Dr Small at UCLA, who has written several books on keeping your brain active, constant stress shrinks a key memory centre [in the brain]. Every hour or so, stand up, take a deep breath and raise your arms above your head. Exhale and drop your arms. Repeat three times. This de-stresses your brain and your body as well as sending oxygen to your brain. Better still, when you are suddenly stressed and flooded with adrenaline, get into the habit of going for a brisk walk as soon as you can. As you know, sitting stewing in a foul mood makes it impossible to think straight thats because cortisol actually inhibits your brain from working. Moving briskly burns off the cortisol, allowing you to think straight again.