Vicki Courtney - 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, Revised and Expanded Edition

Copyright 2019 by Vicki Courtney

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-4627-9624-3

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 306.874

Subject Heading: GIRLS \ PARENT AND CHILD \ PARENTING

Cover design by Jennifer Allison of Studio Nth.

Cover photo 4 PM production / shutterstock.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Other versions include: New Living Translation ( nlt ), copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.; English Standard Version ( esv ), copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a ministry of the Good News Publishers of Wheaton, IL; and The King James Version ( kjv ).

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To my daughter, Paige

It has been such a joy to watch you grow into a godly young woman, wife, and mother. I thank God for the honor of being not only your mother, but also your friend.

To my granddaughter, Molly

You were so worth the wait! May you grow up to follow the God of your parents and grandparents and love Him more than life itself.

Acknowledgments

K eith, as I read through the final manuscript, I was struck with how intentional you have been in discipling our children over the years. Our daughter has been so very blessed to have you for a dad. As long as I live, I will never forget our daughters rehearsal dinner and you giving her a new locket to hang on the same chain alongside the locket you gave her when she was four years old. Her tears and adoration of you said it all. Every little girl deserves a father like you. What a reward to be on the other side of this parenting journey and see the reward for your faithfulness the biggest of which is our fast-growing brood of grandchildren!

To my daughter, Paige: When I wrote the original edition of this book, you were wrapping up your senior year of high school and preparing to move over 800 miles from home to attend college. I have to admit that your excitement to leave home left me feeling a bit insecure as I wondered if Id ever get you back. And yet, here you are today just a few miles away from me! From the day you were born, I dreamed of a day when we would be the best of friends. That day has arrived and not a day goes by that I dont thank God for our relationship. As a bonus, God has given you a daughter and lo and behold if she isnt a carbon copy of your personality at the same age! I bet she may even roll her eyes at you when you attempt some of these conversations in the future, but Mimi has your back! Truly, you are an amazing mother and Molly is blessed to have you in her corner.

To my publisher, B&H: thank you so much for partnering with me to get this message out to moms with daughters.

To the many moms of daughters who encouraged me to write this book and shared your own parenting journeys with me: Thank you so much for your support. Your daughters are blessed to have such caring and concerned mothers.

And last of all, the acknowledgments would not be complete without giving thanks to the one who enables me to write, speak, live, breathe, and love. I pray this book will bring glory and honor to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Introduction

W hen my publisher approached me about updating this book, I eagerly accepted the challenge. Many of the conversations I had presented in the original book had proven relevant to a generation of children growing up in a rapidly changing culture. Never did I imagine that more than 100,000 mothers would pick up a copy of that book. I am humbled beyond belief to play any part in encouraging them in the rearing of their daughters. In the nearly decade that has since passed, new challenges have emerged requiring a tune-up to the original conversations, or in some cases brand new conversations. When I wrote the original book, my oldest son was halfway through college. My daughter was in her senior year of high school and my youngest son was a few years shy of graduating from high school. I was nearing the end of my parenting journey and on the cusp of a new season of life.

In the years that followed my childrens launch out of the nest, I guess you could say the jury was out. I held my breath to see if they would successfully make the transition into adulthood and most importantly, carry their faith with them. There were some bumps along the way, but that was to be expected. And yes, there were times when I wondered if they had paid any attention to the conversations we had along the way, especially when some of their choices indicated otherwise. In those moments, God was faithful to remind me that my ultimate calling was to make holy deposits in their lives and trust Him for the results. I adjusted to this new normal where my role as a mother took on a completely different identity. My children needed me every now and then, but overall, they were on their way to becoming independent, self-sufficient young adults. Or so I hoped!

Today, all three of my children are grown adults who are now married and have embarked on their own parenting journeys. They all have a deep faith and are committed to raising their children to know and love God. My empty nest has transitioned into a full nest of half a dozen grandchildren and counting. My husband and I feel extremely blessed that our children live nearby and we see them often. In fact, my daughter only lives a few miles away and hardly a day goes by that I dont see or talk to her. I take great joy in watching her raise her own little mini-me and its hard not to snicker when she complains about her daughters stubbornness or strong-will. I love this season of life and wouldnt trade it for anything. I often joke with my friends that if Id known how awesome it was to be a grandmother, I would have started with grandkids first.

All this to say, I have enjoyed being somewhat ignorant regarding the challenges facing children today. Updating this book required me to reenter the parenting fray and get back into the trenches, so to speak. In doing so, it didnt take me long to realize that a great deal has changed since the original book released. A whole new generation (iGen or Generation Z) has emerged in place of the Millennials that had been the focus of the previous book. This new generation has some similarities to Millennials, but overall, they are very different. Ironically many of the young parents who will pick up this book (including my own children), are now millennial parents raising iGen or Generation Z children. Essentially, I was faced with the challenge of writing to a brand-new audience of parents raising a brand-new audience of children who are facing a brand-new set of challenges. In an effort to better understand this new generation, I immersed myself into researching what makes them tick. I read countless books and articles focused on iGen or Generation Z children, as well as participated in an online training geared to those who work with this current generation.

Needless to say, I was caught off guard by much of what I discovered related to this emerging generationrecord levels of mental illness, depression, loneliness, gender confusion, a lack of identity and purpose, a decreasing interest in marriage and parenthood as future goals, a detachment from the God of the Bible and a rebellion toward His standards and principles, and the list goes on. I would be lying if I told you it didnt take an emotional toll on me at times. My grandchildren are in this generation, so it was personal. I have skin in this game. There were days when I had to take a break from my research and immerse myself in Gods Word to be reminded that there is hope. Fortunately, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever and none of this has caught Him off guard. His Word never changes and His principles are true for all times. The generation of children today may be growing up in a culture that is resistant to that answer, but that doesnt mean we throw in the towel and give up. God has tasked us with the awesome responsibility to train up [our] children in the way [they] should go (Prov. 22:6 esv ), and He never intended that we go it alone.