Brandon Kyle Goodman - You Gotta Be You: How to Embrace This Messy Life and Step Into Who You Really Are

This memoir reflects the authors life faithfully rendered to the best of their ability. Some identifying details have been changed, whether or not so noted in the text.

Copyright 2022 by Brandon Kyle Goodman

Cover design by Mikea Hugley. Cover photo by Drew Blackwell Photography. Cover copyright 2022 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

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First Edition: September 2022

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Goodman, Brandon Kyle, author.

Title: You gotta be you : how to embrace this messy life and step into who you really are / Brandon Kyle Goodman.

Description: First edition. | New York, NY : Legacy Lit, [2022] | Summary: From the time were born, a litany of dos and donts are placed on us by our families, our communities, and society. Were required to fit into boxes based on our race, gender, sexuality, and other parts of our identities, being told by others how we should behave, who we should date, or what we should be interested in. For so many of us, those boxes begin to feel like shackles when we realize they dont fit our unique shape, yet we keep trying because we crave acceptance and validation. But is fitting in worth the time, energy, and suffering? Actor, writer, and activist Brandon Kyle Goodman says, Hell no it aint! As a Black nonbinary, queer person in a dark-skinned 61, 180-pound male body born into a religious immigrant household, Brandon knows the pain of having to hide ones true self, the work of learning to love that true self, and the freedom of finally being your true self. In You Gotta Be You, Brandon affectionately challenges you to consider, Who would I be if society never got its hands on me? This question set Brandon on a mission to dropkick societal shackles by unlearning all the things he was told he should be in order to step into who he really is. It required him to reexamine messy but ultimately defining moments in his life-his first time being followed in a store, navigating his mothers born-again Christian faith, and regretfully using soap as lube (yes, you read that right!)-to find the lessons that would guide him to his most authentic self. Compassionate and soulful, funny and revealing, You Gotta Be You is an unapologetic call to self-freedom. Its about turning rejection (from others and yourself) into a roadmap to self-love. Its a guide to setting boundaries and fostering self-growth. And most importantly, its an affirmation that we are enough exactly as we areProvided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022019431 | ISBN 9780306826191 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780306826221 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Self-acceptance. | Self-esteem. | Self-realization. | Identity (Psychology) | Discrimination.

Classification: LCC BF575.S37 G66 2022 | DDC 158.1dc23/eng/20220629

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022019431

ISBNs: 978-0-3068-2619-1 (hardcover), 978-0-3068-2622-1 (ebook)

E3-20220909-JV-NF-ORI

Had I had access to the testimonies and musings found on every page of You Gotta Be You when I was coming of age, I may have spent more days loving myself. Brandon Kyle Goodmans words are a reminder of the power of Black Queer self-determination. You Gotta Be You is a meditation on Black Queer life that is full of the sharp wit, singular humor, and courageous candor that has come to define its author. Someones life will be transformed because of Goodmans gift.

Darnell L. Moore, author of No Ashes in the Fire

Brandon is such a beautiful example of the joy one can have when you truly embrace who you are, and that joy is contagious! The world is a brighter (and funnier) place because of their work and shows other folks that the most beautiful gift they can give to the world is to be themselves.

Tess Holliday, author of The Not So Subtle Art of Being a Fat Girl

Brandon is a force of nature: funny, honest, messy, and real. You Gotta Be You showcases a level of introspection that takes most people a lifetime to achieve. Theres a lesson in these pages for everyone.

Nick Kroll

A graceful, heartening story of Brandons journey toward finding himself. I felt like he was holding my hand the whole way through. You Gotta Be You is a visceral cue to cherish those who nurture your soul, and a reminder to borrow their eyes in an attempt to see yourself the way they see you.

Colton Haynes, author of Miss Memory Lane

In You Gotta Be You Brandon Kyle Goodman beautifully chronicles the way theyve whittled away at a hunk of metal to create a skeleton key for themselvesa key to unlock their most honest self, a key to free themselves from societys oppressive expectations, a key to be themselves. Reading this book will inspire you to take a chisel to your own hunk of metal. It will dare you to see what you might unlock in yourself.

Dylan Marron, author of Conversations with People Who Hate Me

Dedicated to Grandma and Mommy.

I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me.

TERENCE

Introduction
Take what you need. Take whats useful. Leave the rest.

I was sitting in front of my computer thinking about how I wanted to start this book. How I wanted to introduce myself to you. What I wanted you to learn about me and feel about me in the first few moments of reading. But, as usual, I got distracted by a notification on social media, which led to me mindlessly scrolling past different memes, reels, and photos of friends and celebrities. After a few minutes (or maybe hourswho knows!), I came across a post that stopped me in my tracks. It was Oprah (Winfrey, obvi, who else?) in a colorful sweater, sitting at the bottom of a white staircase, looking into a camera, and saying, Give up hope that the past could have been any different.

Oowee! Thats so nice, Ima type it twice.

Give up hope that the past could have been any different.

As I love me some Oprah, this seemed like a good writing omen, considering this book is an exploration of my past and how we all must reckon with our complicated, often painful experiences to find our most authentic selves. But before we get into that, lets talk about Mother O.