Betty Kilby Baldwin - Cousins: Connected through slavery, a Black woman and a White woman discover their past—and each other

Endorsements for this book

A compelling read!

With truth, reparations, racial healing, and reimagining public safety initiatives in hundreds of municipalities, Cousins is a story that could not be more timely.

F ANIA E. D AVIS, SOCIAL JUSTICE ACTIVIST, CIVIL RIGHTS ATTORNEY, RESTORATIVE JUSTICE LEADER

I LOVE Cousins. A must-read for everyone committed to racial healing and justice.

Bettys and Phoebes lives couldnt have been more different, growing up. The legacy of slavery looms large here. Yet once they found each other, they committed to healing and repair and to building an authentic and accountable friendship.

A powerful book!

T HOMAS N ORMAN D E W OLF, AUTHOR OF I NHERITING THE T RADE , CO-AUTHOR OF G ATHER AT THE T ABLE AND T HE L ITTLE B OOK OF R ACIAL H EALING ; C O -M ANAGER OF C OMING TO THE T ABLE

Endorsements for this book

A completely unpredictable roller coaster of a book that will break your heart, warm your heart, make you enraged, teach you about dialogue, and ultimately deepen your belief in the potential of racial reconciliation.

Beyond the expert craftsmanship of the text, the honesty and vulnerability of the authors beautifully reflect the courage and compassion that will be needed by many more people if we are ever to embark on a sustainable journey of racial reckoning.

D R. D AVID W ILEY C AMPT, PRINCIPAL OF T HE D IALOGUE C OMPANY AND CREATOR OF T HE W HITE A LLY T OOLKIT

How can America begin to address its legacy of slavery and racism? This very engaging book tells the courageous journey of these two cousinsone Black, one Whiteto discover and overcome their connected pasts. It suggests a way to forge a healing pathway toward a hopeful future.

Their story offers inspiration for others to undertake their own journeys, as well as concrete resources for doing so. Highly recommended.

H OWARD Z EHR, PIONEER IN RESTORATIVE JUSTICE, AUTHOR OF C HANGING L ENSES AND T HE L ITTLE B OOK OF R ESTORATIVE J USTICE , DISTINGUISHED P ROFESSOR OF R ESTORATIVE J USTICE AT E ASTERN M ENNONITE U NIVERSITY S C ENTER FOR J USTICE AND P EACEBUILDING

Cousins is a riveting story, highlighting the possibility of healing. The openness and vulnerability with which Betty and Phoebe share their stories will capture you.

The journey they invite us on is a story that everyone needs to read.

J ODIE G EDDES, C O -M ANAGER OF C OMING TO THE T ABLE, A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, AND CO-AUTHOR OF T HE L ITTLE B OOK OF R ACIAL H EALING

I hope the experiences of Betty and Phoebe will inspire others to sit down at the table of sisterhood and brotherhood to promote racial healing.

U.S. S ENATOR T IM K AINE OF V IRGINIA

Endorsements for this book

Cousins is a wonderful book! I was charmed by the story of these two amazing women. How marvelous that, in this time of endless separation, two people came together across so many barriers to build new bridges for healing old wounds.

Its crisp and familial tone resonated with meactually, it embraced melike a long-lost friend. Cousins is a salvea smooth, comfortable healing for the rough spots we face when reconciling a difficult past.

Cousins is stunningly rich with hometown history, waiting to be healed. It both weeps with racial conflict and wails with brave conviction. Phoebe and Betty carry their blended story beautifully, taking us through the gray areas and safely bringing us home.

A marvelous blueprint for anyone seeking to mend the past and redefine family.

D ANITA R OUNTREE G REEN, TRAUMA HEALING FACILITATOR AND PLAYWRIGHT

C OUSINS

This powerful book weaves together the eloquent stories of two impressive womenstories of survival, determination, and awakening, of honesty, spirituality, and success.

They give us a detective story and a mystery, a reconciliation and a celebration. A reader will be grateful for all of them.

E DWARD L. A YERS, RECIPIENT OF THE NATIONAL HUMANITIES MEDAL FROM PRESIDENT B ARACK O BAMA

Cover and page design by Cliff Snyder

Cousins

Copyright 2021 by Betty Kilby Baldwin and Janet O. Kilby

Photo and Illustration Credits

Photos by Kirkikis: background scene on .

Paperback: 9781947597426

PDF, EPUB, and Kindle: 9781947597433

Library of Congress Control Number: Data available.

Cousins is published by

Walnut Street Books, Lancaster, Pennsylvania

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in connection with reviews written specifically for inclusion in magazines or newspapers or limited excerpts strictly for personal use.

We dedicate this book to Sarah and Juliet, and to Juliets children Simon, James, John, and Sarah, born enslaved but surviving to create the roots of a thriving tree of descendants. And to all their descendants, including those now benefiting from the Kilby Family Endowed Scholarship Fund.

SPECIAL NOTE

T HE AUTHORS PROCEEDS from this book will be donated to the Kilby Family Endowed Scholarship Fund, a reparations project which Phoebe and Betty conceived of together.

The Kilby Family Endowed Scholarship Fund provides scholarships to descendants of persons enslaved in Culpeper, Rappahannock, and Madison counties, Virginia, prior to the end of the Civil War in 1865.

Preference is given to descendants of persons enslaved by John Kilby of Culpeper County, VA (1715-1772), and by his lineal descendants who were enslavers.

This endowment was established to honor these enslaved persons and their descendants in recognition of their strength and resilience, and to contribute to making amends for their mistreatment.

Readers are invited to contribute to this endowment: poisefoundation.org/kilby-family-endowed-scholarship-fund

Thank you.

T WO WOMEN, B ETTY and Phoebeone African American, one European Americanmet for the first time in 2007. Though they both were born with the same last name, they knew nothing of each other prior to that time. They had lived vastly different lives.

B ETTY K ILBY F ISHER B ALDWIN: I am the third of five children. I was the first and only girl for all of three years and one month. When my sister Pat arrived, I lost that special place in the family. In fact, after that, I could not find anything special about me.