Melinda Folse - The Smart Womans Guide to Midlife Horses: Finding Meaning, Magic and Mastery in the Second Half of Life

First published in 2011 by

Trafalgar Square Books

North Pomfret, Vermont 05053

Printed in China

Copyright 2011 Melinda Folse

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, by any means, without written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer quoting brief excerpts for a review in a magazine, newspaper, or website.

Disclaimer of Liability

The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book. While the book is as accurate as the author can make it, there may be errors, omissions, and inaccuracies.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Folse, Melinda.

The smart womans guide to midlife horses : finding meaning, magic, and mastery in the second half of life/Melinda Kaitcer.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-57076-466-0

1. Middle-aged women-Psychology. 2. Middle-aged women-Attitudes. 3. Horsemen and horsewomen-Psychology. 4. Horses-Psychological aspects. I. Title.

HQ1059.4.K35 2011

646.70082--dc22

2011009860

Book design by Carrie Fradkin

Cover design by RM Didier

Front cover photo by Karen Patterson

Back cover photo by Darrell Dodds

Typefaces: ITC Bauhaus, Front Page

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To midlife horses and all they bring to our livesand to all the women who dust off their dreams to make a bold and carefree gallop into the second half of life.

Life is made of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of grey cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that wont happen. We have to teach ourselves how to live, really live... to love the journey, not the destination.

-Anna Quindlen, A Short Guide to a Happy Life

One sure way to know weve reached the intermission in our life is an undeniable urge to overlay our childhood dreams with our present realityand then project forward and wonder if were ever going to be able to make those dreams come true.

The mystical and magical connection between humans and horses is well documented and woven through civilizations, cultures, and generations. But perhaps the most pronounced and profound examples of this connection are the relationships that develop between women and horses.

Making the decision to reignite an old passionin this case, adding horses to the middle of your lifecan either be much more complicated or much simpler than you think. It all depends on the decisions you make, and how you make them. Here are a few things to consider, a few options to ponder, and a few tips for processing this half-ton decision.

Competitors know that getting a horse legged up means getting him in physical condition to do what he is being asked to do without risking injury. For the returning rider or the middle-aged woman riding horses for the first time, this is equally importantand for the same reasons. So before you can get serious about a horse, you need to get serious about your fitness.

Maybe you still have your childhood jumping saddle stashed away under a pile of your kids outgrown clothing. Maybe youve always pictured yourself out in Big Sky Country, galloping across an open field on the back of a horse. Maybe you want horses in your life, but cant ride for any number of reasons. Maybe you have no idea. What will your happy midlife trail look like? In this chapter well take a look at some horse-related activities and disciplines that could be your next step on this bold and exciting journey of self-discovery.

Now that youve made the life-altering decision to follow your dream, and youre beginning to have an idea of what your horse experience might look like, whats next? Most people dont realize the many options that exist for todays horse enthusiast. Here are a few tips on determining which midlife horse experience is the best fit for you, your riding needs, your lifestyle, and your budget.

While entire volumes can beand arewritten on how to properly care for a horse, here are a few key areas to consider, along with important questions to ask the experts as you remodel your life to include a horse.

Horse health is a subject as full of controversy as any youll find in the equine world. From those who consider horses delicate creatures in need of constant care and coddling to the crusty old cowboy at the other end of the spectrum, knowledge and technology offer many options as we seek solid middle ground for the very best care we can provide.

Without guidance, stepping into the worldwide tack shop can be an overwhelming, confusing, and downright dizzying experience. But, if like me, your eyes glaze over and your brain locks up when too much advice starts flowing, heres just enough basic information to help you get tacky enough to ride while keeping you safe and your horse comfortable.

Whether you board or keep your horse at home, whether you trail ride or compete, the day will come when youll face the big truck-and-trailer quandary. With shows any number of miles away and veterinary hospitals sometimes across town (and countryside), theres a certain peace-of-mind that comes with having a rig of your own parked out back. Even when thats not the case, you still need to be able to get your horse ON a trailer from time to time. Heres what you need to get there safely.

When it comes to matters of the horse, is everyone you talk to a know-it-all? Are you confused by conflicting advice? Have you ever felt worse instead of better after a riding lesson? In the pages ahead, successful midlife horse owners share why its crucial to align with the training information and approach that makes sense to you, and find riding buddies and teachers that have your best interests at heart.

When we start out on this midlife journey, we might imagine its all exhilarating gallops on grassy fields and sandy beaches, but the reality is, having horses in your life is just as likely to challenge you at times as it is to fulfill you in ways you desperately need. Its easy to get stuck, and theres a good chance that something, somewhere along the way may scare you back OUT of the saddle. Here are a few useful tools for conquering the fears that having horses may bring to light.

Trouble with a horse, the great horsemen of our time will tell you, almost always comes down to some kind of breakdown in communicationand more often than not, the breakdown is on our end. Here are some surprising insights on taking your horsemanship to a whole new level by learning to listen to your horse.

Sometimes the midlife horse journey is a jagged path to success, where progress just doesnt always follow a straight line. In fact, sometimes it looks a little bit like going backward. And sideways. And occasionally, in circles. But if you examine these experiences closely, chances are good youll find the lesson you came looking for, disguised as a horse problem that you must solve to continue your journey. Bless these thingstheyre your pot of gold at the end of a long, colorful rainbow.

Interacting with [horses] on their own terms encourages a fluidity of human thought, emotion, and behavior that sedentary twenty-first-century life makes difficult. Horses also model the strengths of what are often referred to as feminine values: cooperation over competition, relationship over territory, responsiveness over strategy, emotion and intuition over logic, process over goal, and the creative approach to life that these qualities engender.