Stephen Arterburn - Midlife Manual for Men: Finding Significance in the Second Half

Vulnerable, hugely personal, unconventional, funny, engaging, provocative, unvarnished, sometimes raw, Steve Arterburn gets behind the eyelids and under the skin of men in midlife. Trust me, you wont lose interest.

Bob Buford, Author of Halftime and Finishing Well

Every page of this book spoke directly to me. I laughed out loud, while at other times got really, really quiet and reflective. Since reading this book I cant stop thinking about it. Its helpful, practical, challenging, and worth your time.

Jim Burns, PhD, President of HomeWord and Author of Creating an Intimate Marriage and ConfidentParenting

What a timely book! Every man in midlife needs to read this manual. Its vulnerable, practical, and biblical. Best of all, it will show you how the best is yet to come!

Les Parrott, PhD, Founder of RealRelationships.com and Author of Your Time-Starved Marriage

Steve Arterburn is the most qualified man I know to speak to the life transitions of men. I have seen him live out the principles of this book with my own eyes and sought, through imitation, to navigate my journey as a man in similar ways. He has never done me wrong as a man. Join me!

Kenny Luck, Mens Pastor of Saddleback Church and Author of Every Man, Gods Man; RISK; DREAM; and FIGHT

Thanks, Steve and John, for telling us to take a minute, shut off the autopilot, and think about how to live the second half. If more men would do what this book says, the midlife crises would change to midlife corrections and the second half could be much better than the first!

Dr. Henry Cloud, Psychologist and Author

Finally theres help for men at that dangerous midlife crossroad in life. Steve Arterburn and John Shore outline for us how a man can make a smooth transition through midlife and avoid the midlife crisis that ruins so many men.

Dave Stoop, PhD, Psychologist and Author

Steve and I have shared many hours together laughing and sharing and reaching out to others. This midlife manual is full of great wisdom and will be a real help to men who want to soar through midlife rather than crash in a crisis.

Josh D. McDowell, Author and Speaker

The middle years can often be a bewildering and even disappointing time for men. However, it doesnt have to be that way. With Steve Arterburns sound and clear guidance, these can truly be our best years. Steve combines years of experience in helping others with his own personal authenticity and a solid biblical base. You will be a better person for reading this book.

Dr. John Townsend, Psychologist, Author, and Speaker

Midlife Manual
for Men

FINDING SIGNIFICANCE
IN THE SECOND HALF

Stephen Arterburn
and John Shore

MIDLIFE
MANUAL
FOR MEN

Midlife Manual for Men
Copyright 2008
Stephen Arterburn and John Shore

Cover design by Paul Higdon and Lookout Design, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-0-7642-0661-0

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:

Arterburn, Stephen, date.

Midlife manual for men : finding significance in the second half. / Stephen Arterburn and John Shore.

p. cm. (Life transitions)

Summary: Written for men in midlife, to help them first examine the roles they have in life, including husband, father, and provider, and then give them the tools to make the rest of their lives matterProvided by publisher.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7642-0423-4 (hardcover : alk. paper)
1. Middle-aged menUnited StatesPsychology. I. Shore, John, date II. Title.
HQ1059.5.U5A78 2008
305.244dc22

2007036388

To Larry Sonnenburg, the most amazing husband,
father, leader, and friend.
S.A.
For Dad and Mom.
J.S.

CONTENTS

Midlife Manual
for Men

IT HAPENS TO everyone fortunate enough to live long enough. Sooner or later, we all experience that wake-up call that explodes like a bomb in the gut. Boom! and then you know it: You really are middle-aged. People having that moment tend to do a nanosecond evaluation of their life. And thats usually all it takes for them to realize that they wish they had done more, lived more, been more. If you have experienced that moment yourselfor think it might be a good idea to prepare for when you dothen this is the right book for you.

As you surely know, if you were born anywhere from around 1946 to 1964, youre officially a baby boomer. In America today there are about thirty-nine million guy boomers. (Man, but thats a lot of testosterone let loose upon the world at one time. In one disgusting way or another, it probably helps explain global warming.) We, your authors Steve and John, are both in our early fifties. That puts us solidly in the middle of the Boomer Horde.

Go boomers!

Whoo-hoo!

Its good to belong, isnt it?

Of course, people of our generation are, by nature, Rebellious Types. We know from rebellion, man. Rebellion is what our generation did.

Wait. Didnt we? We did, right? Mostly? Some?

Hmmm. We seem to recall something about the Beatles, the first man on the moon, yo-yos, and polyester jumpsuits.

Was the first man on the moon Paul McCartney? Was he wearing a polyester jumpsuit and playing with a yo-yo?

Its all so hard to remember, isnt it?

Tell you what, though. The two of us sure know whats going on with ourselves these days.

These days, were middle-aged.

Us!

You!

All thirty-nine million of us!

Middle-aged!

Its just too weird to think about.

And its certainly too weird not to.

Midlife is such a glorious, scary time of life, isnt it?

And thats what we want to talk to you aboutabout every way in which midlife is both glorious and scary, and how its so much more than either. We wrote this book because we want to share with you the comprehensive, God-inspired understanding that weve come to about men in midlife. We wanted to provide you with an owners manual, if you will, for the rest of your life.

Midlife raises a lot of questions. Though we know it sounds presumptuous to say so, we believe this book contains the answers to those questions.

So lets get started!

Were men!

Were not big on waiting!

With appreciation for letting us share in your midlife adventure,

Steve and John

MAN IN THE
MIDDLE

FROM STEVE:

I miss a lot. I have a true case of attention deficit disorder, and I dont just use it as a lame excuse for doing some really dumb things. It is, for me, the real deal, and it is quite painful at times having to deal with the consequences of things like crashing cars because Im so easily distracted, or talking to someone and having no idea what theyve been saying for the past five minutes, or speaking to an audience in one city while