Table of Contents
Finally, someone has written a how-to manual for couples striving to achieve equality. Equally Shared Parentingis, however, much more than a road map. It is inspirational, insightful, and very well written. It is shot through with the simple yet powerful message that, with enough courage and enough work, love really can conquer the forces of patriarchy.
Robert Drago, professor of labor studies and womens studies, Pennsylvania State University, and author ofStriking a Balance
Amy and Marc Vachon show us that equal parenting is not an oxymoron. Through their own and others research, but most of all through their own example, they inspire us to lead the committed and conscious lives that most of us long forlives with room for our children, our work, our partners, and our selves. Offering real strategies that are pragmatic and flexible, the Vachons walk their talk, and remind us that true gender equality begins at home.
Pamela Stone, professor of sociology, Hunter College/City University of New York, and author ofOpting Out?
Marc and Amy Vachon have succeeded in becoming absolute parenting partners.
The New York Times Magazine
Once upon a time, did you dream that family life could be equal, but along the way you gave up? Well, forget the stress-inducing his work/her work scorecard approach, and rev up the equality dream again. With energy, verve, and joy, the Vachons are bringing love and fun back into family life. Equally Shared Parentingis an equality guidebook filled to the brim with practical steps and how-tos.
Miriam Peskowitz, author ofThe Truth Behind the Mommy Warsand coauthor ofThe Daring Book for Girls
Rising above the finger-pointing and hand-wringing that all too often pervades the debate about gender and family change, Equally Shared Parentingprovides a masterful, refreshing, and altogether convincing analysis of the joys, practical steps, and persisting obstacles to sharingnot dividingcaretaking and breadwinning. Amy and Marc Vachon have given us an uplifting blueprint for fashioning more flexible and egalitarian ways of living, loving, and working in the twenty-first century. This is a visionary book that is must-reading for caring couples and policy makers alike.
Kathleen Gerson, professor of sociology, New York University, and author ofThe Unfinished Revolution
[The Vachons are] the Obamas of the parental blogosphere.
The Guardian(UK)
Marc and Amy Vachon arent scholars and they arent journalists. Theyre ordinary people who are extraordinarily committed to creating a family based on sharing and equality. Equally Shared Parentingis a wise, thoughtful blueprint that will help all parents build more balanced and meaningful lives.
Jeremy Adam Smith, author ofThe Daddy Shiftand editor of Shareable.net
Amy and Marc Vachon have written the book that didnt exist when we plunged enthusiastically into an equal parenting partnership. This must-read shows that, while theres no perfect way to create this life, there are many ways it can work. The Vachons show any couple how to define what needs doing and really share the work and rewards of being a fully engaged parent.
Nancy Gruver and Joe Kelly, cofounders ofNew Moon Girlsmagazine, parenting educators, and authors ofHow to Say It to GirlsandDads & Daughters
Equality and balance are not impossible pipe dreams but real choices for todays couples. The Vachons lead us through all the dilemmas and obstacles that divert dual-earner couples from enjoyable family and work lives and explain step-by-step how to create an equally sharing family, an enriching career, and even a personal life beyond work and family. A call for change, this book brilliantly portrays how much men, as well as women, have to gain from a much-needed revolution in family life.
Francine M. Deutsch, professor of psychology, Mount Holyoke College, and author ofHalving It All
Decades of social science research have shown that shared parenting can work, but academic articles and books dont convey what it feels like or how to do it. Marc and Amy Vachons new book fills this void. Equally Shared Parenting is packed full of compelling personal stories about how the next generation of couples is reinventing parenting and modern marriage, and provides the nuts and bolts of shared parenting. The advice they offer about how to balance family and work is indispensible for new parents. Highly recommended.
Scott Coltrane, dean, College of Arts and Sciences, University of Oregon, and author ofFamily ManandGender and Families
In the 60s, many people understood that for women to achieve equality at work they would need to achieve equality at home. In most families that hasnt happened yet, and not so surprisingly when you look at the data there is a profound bias against mothers in hiring, wages, and career advancement. Equally shared parenting is a wonderful movement that is working to free parents to realize equality at home not because it is good for women but because it is a joyful alternative.
Joan Blades, cofounder of MomsRising.org and MoveOn.org
Want to learn how to divide childcare, housework, and moneymaking responsibilities without falling into stereotypical Mommy and Daddy roles? Then follow the advice in Equally Shared Parenting and watch yourself, your marriage, and your children flourish.
Monique Tilford, coauthor ofYour Money or Your Life, and Dave Tilford, senior writer for Center for a New American Dream
To Maia and Theowe love you a thousand million.
FOREWORD
Lisa Belkin, New York Times reporter
Amy and Marc Vachon, two laid-back and loving parents living in a house with a white picket fence outside of Boston, are doing what years of feminism, workplace reform, gender-equality laws, sniping between the sexes, and best intentions of spouses have not: They are living as parenting equals.
An anecdotal look around shows how far we have to go. Run through a mental list of couples that you know; Ill wager that most default their familys childcare and housework to the wife. Then scan the shelves of books out there for new parents; youll find that most assume their readers are mothers, and that balance, nap schedules, and playdate logistics are Moms problem, with Dad mentioned as helping, if hes mentioned at all.
Want data rather than anecdote? Any way you measure it, women do about twice as much around the house as men. The National Survey of Families and Households shows that more than four decades after Betty Friedan, the average wife does thirty-one hours of housework a week, while the average husband does fourteena ratio of slightly more than two to one. If you break out couples in which wives stay home and husbands are the sole earners, the number of hours goes up for women, to thirty-eight hours of housework a week, and down a bit for men, to twelve, a ratio of more than three to one. That makes sense because the couples have defined home as one partners work.
But then break out the couples in which both husband and wife have full-time paying jobs. In those cases, the wife does twenty-eight hours of housework and the husband, sixteen. Just shy of two to one, which makes no sense at all.