Susan Call - A Search for Purple Cows: A True Story of Hope

A Search for Purple Cows

ISBN-10: 0-8249-3441-5
ISBN-13: 978-0-8249-3441-5

Published by Guideposts
16 East 34th Street
New York, New York 10016
Guideposts.org

Copyright 2013 by Susan Call. All rights reserved.

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

Distributed by Ideals Publications, a Guideposts company
2630 Elm Hill Pike, Suite 100
Nashville, Tennessee 37214

Guideposts and Ideals are registered trademarks of Guideposts.

Acknowledgments

Every attempt has been made to credit the sources of copyrighted material used in this book. If any such acknowledgment has been inadvertently omitted or miscredited, receipt of such information would be appreciated.

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Call, Susan.
A search for purple cows : a true story of hope / Susan Call.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-8249-3441-5 (alk. paper)
1. Call, Susan. 2. Christian convertsUnited StatesBiography. 3. Abused women
Religious life. 4. WomenViolence againstUnited States. I. Title.
BV4935.C255A3 2013
277.3083092--dc23
[B]

2013018256

Cover and interior design by Mllerhaus
Cover photograph by Shutterstock
Typeset by Aptara, Inc.

Printed and bound in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To my wonderful children, Jennifer and Ryan:
you have been two of the biggest blessings in my life. I wish you
nothing but Gods best in your lives. May you always remember
to trust God, because He is forever faithful.

Mom and Dad, thank you for being who you are.
You are my heroes in life. Thank you for
blessing me with such an amazing family.

Thank you to Christian radio for being the persistent
voice that brought light into my darkness while pointing
me to the true Light; I am eternally grateful.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS
_____________

T he elevator ding that Monday morning broke through my thoughts as I struggled to gain control of my racing mind. The momentary pause before the door opened when it arrived at the fourth floor of my office building felt like an eternity. I stared at the floor, weary and dejected. I was consumed by brokenness. How has my life spun so out of control? I wondered. My world had shattered into a million tiny pieces in the short time since Id welcomed the start of the weekend Friday afternoon until that Monday morning.

My thoughts and focus were far from the workday ahead. Cant I just remain here, alone in the elevator? I thought. Or maybe I can slip into my office unnoticed. Maybe everyone will leave me alone today. I exhaled slowly and painted what I hoped was a convincing smile across my face. I planned to hide behind the faade that I was okay, that my world was intact, and that today was just another Monday. Maybe my shallow smile would be enough to hide the overwhelming depth of my pain.

The elevator doors slid open. I can do this, I thought, stepping out of the safety of the elevator.

Good morning, a cheery coworker said as she passed. Did you have a good weekend?

I forced my smile to grow. Mm-hmm , I replied with a nod. Cant believe its Monday already. I got out of the elevator and started in the opposite direction. Have a great day, I said, before turning down the hall and slipping into my cubicle.

Did you have a good weekend? played over and over in my mind. If she only knew , I thought.

I slid into the chair at my desk, focusing on the blinking cursor that flashed impatiently on my computer screen. I entered my password, grateful to shift my attention to something other than the despair of my crumbling life.

The truth of my private hell would remain a secret as long as I could hide behind the pretense of my happy, perfect life. My coworkers, friends, and family would be none the wiser. Id let them continue to think Id managed to acquire the elusive American Dream.

And why would they think otherwise? By all appearances, my husband Joe was a doting husband and father. We lived in a quaint, three-bedroom, split-level home in a sought-after suburb. We had two beautiful childrenfive-year-old Jennifer and four-year-old Ryana golden retriever, Alley, a fenced yard, and even an au pair. Just a few years earlier, I had joined the ranks of the minivan-driving, suburban working moms. My job at a global technology company afforded me the opportunity to pursue professional growth and regularly rewarded my hard work and tenacity with promotional opportunities. Joe too had been recognized as a leader within his organization. Armed with his strong technical aptitude, he welcomed the complex challenges that unfolded daily as a part of his work. You could say that career success had come our way. We were both pleased with the rate at which we were navigating our respective corporate ladders. No, life hadnt been completely perfect, but despite the few rough spots, I remained hopeful. Knowing that everyone deals with some challenges in life, I believedperhaps even naively hopedthat if I worked harder, tried harder, and perhaps dug just a little deeper, my life would eventually come closer and closer to matching the faade that the world saw daily.

I had met Joe eleven years earlier when I graduated from college and moved from my small hometown in Pennsylvania to Maryland to pursue a job opportunity. It was truly an exciting time of life. Although our paths crossed at my job soon after my move, to be honest, I didnt pay much attention to Joe. Sure, I couldnt help but notice how some of the women in our office tripped over each other hoping to gain Joes interest. His incredible confidence and dapper style seemed to captivate them. But during that time, I was busy settling into my new life, adjusting to my new job, and making new friends, as well as connecting with others who lived nearby.

One such friend was Blake. We had met a few years earlier, working as counselors at a summer camp outside Philadelphia. Although he was cute, with his blond locks and sun-kissed skin, it was obvious his beauty came from within. The camp, which catered to inner-city youth away from the tough streets for the first time, required a different type of counselor to be truly successful. Blake made it look easy. The kids arrived wide-eyed, untrusting, and unsure. Blakes gentle, kind ways let the children and the other counselors know he was genuine and truly trustworthy. Whether he was taking kids on hikes in the woods to explore the great unknown or sitting up with the other counselors after lights-out, he embraced life and invested in those around him. Reconnecting with Blake after the years since camp was refreshing. Like me, he had moved to Maryland following college graduation to pursue the job opportunities that abounded in Washington, DCs, thriving suburbs. His move, two years ahead of mine, made him a welcome resource as I explored my new surroundings. I was glad to learn that time had not changed Blakes sincere ways and quickly discovered that he liked many of the same things I did.