Shelly Wu - Karma Sutra: Sex, Love, and Relationship Zen

This edition first published in 2008 by New Page Books, an imprint of
Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC
With offices at:
65 Parker Street, Suite 7
Newburyport, MA 01950
www.redwheelweiser.com
www.newpagebooks.com

Copyright 2008 by Shelly Wu

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN: 978-1-60163-009-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wu, Shelly, 1959

The karma sutra : sex, love, and relationship zen / by Shelly Wu.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-60163-009-4

1. Man-Woman Relationships. 2. Sex instruction. I. Title

HQ801.W9 2008

306.7--dc22

2008006281

Cover design by DigiDog Design

Interior by Gina Talucci

Printed in the United States of America

IBI

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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To all women, past and present, who have bumbled and stumbled, wondered and blundered through the battlefields of love.

A special thanks to Barent, Ray, and Tyler, and the entire new generation of young men determined to give the male species an honorable name. And to my own belovedtime was always on our side.

Part I
Dharma: Spirit, Virtue, and Ethics

Chapter 1
Karma and Your Love Life

Chapter 2
Could Your Past Be Ruling Your Present?

Chapter 3
Soul Partnerships

Chapter 4
Are All Relationships Karmic?

Chapter 5
Love, Karmic Style: The Preliminaries

Chapter 6
Identifying Spiritual Companions: Soul Mates and Twin Souls

Chapter 7
The Anatomy of Bad Relationship Karma

Chapter 8
How Sex Affects Your Karma: Fears, Blocks, and One-Night Stands

Chapter 9
The Biochemistry of Love: Dopamine, Prolactin, and Oxytocin

Chapter 10
Scheherazade and the 1001 Nights

Chapter 11
Purposeful Loving: Creating Lasting Love Connections

Chapter 12
Forgiveness: Legacies, Skeletons, and Getting Over It

Chapter 13
Affirmations That Work: Meditation, Guided Imagery, and Accessing Your Subconscious

Part II
Artha: Happiness, Success, and Prosperity

Chapter 14
Just for Fun: Rate Your Man

Chapter 15
Cleaning Out Your Romantic Wardrobe

Chapter 16
The 8 Male Archetypes: Explore His Sexual Style

Chapter 17
Do's and Don'ts of Dating: Some Words of Wisdom

Chapter 18
Bad Boys: Players, Perverts, and Master Sinisters

Part III
Kama: Erotic and Sexual Pleasures

Chapter 19
Seduction, Atmosphere, and Romance

Chapter 20
Kama Sutra Positions for Enchanted Lovers

Chapter 21
Final Thoughts: Advice From the Sisterhood

S ex and spirituality may seem odd bedfellows, but to the ancient Hindus, sex, love, and relationships were divine acts worthy to be studied and perfected.

The universe makes no moral judgments; societies do. Views of what is right and what is wrong can change dramatically from time to time and from place to place. What is socially acceptable or even encouraged by some cultures may be thought repulsive and abhorrent by others. The universe makes no such distinctions or categories in the reality of what is (that is, the natural consequences of thoughts, intentions, and actions). To pass from delusion to enlightenment means to leave one's fears, judgments, and biases behind.

Western views of the mind were reborn in 1929 when renowned psychologist Carl G. Jung bridged the philosophical gap between East and West with his theory of synchronicity, or meaningful coincidences. In the past few decades, the realization of the unity of spirit, mind, and body finds many in the East and West following similar paths. Self-esteem and self-concept are critical in shaping our attitudes about relationships and sexuality. Our sexual desire begins long before we reach the bedroom. Readying the mind for good relationships is about directing and focusing our energies.

In contrast with certain other religious doctrines, which teach that human nature is something bad and needs to be controlled and sublimated, Eastern concepts of humanity teach that the body is the very residence of the Creatora testament to his existence and the essence of love. This belief fosters an attitude of joy, a sense of living in the present, and healthy self-esteem. In particular, the Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana teaches how to enjoy and embrace all of the pleasures this life has to offer. It is not a philosophy of self-denial and suffering, but rather one of self-love, self-elevation, enjoyment, and appreciation.

Certain Eastern traditions teach that self-control and enlightenment can be achieved through techniques such as controlled breathing, meditation, and special sexual practices. Both tantric and Taoist concepts of sexuality stress the importance of the frame of mind when engaging in physical love. The following parable illustrates some of the salient concepts presented in this booknamely, that the control of the conscious mind, the influence of intent, and the power of our perceptions can shape our most intimate relationships.

An old Master was teaching his students. He said: A battle is raging inside of me. It is a fearsome fight between two Tigers. One Tiger represents my fear, anger, envy, selfishness, regret, arrogance, self-pity, shame, resentment, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other Tiger is my love, joy, peace, graciousness, humility, kindness, forgiveness, friendship, empathy, generosity, compassion, and faith.

He continued, The same battle is raging inside each one of you.

The students thought about this for a while, until one of the students asked his Master, Which Tiger will win?

The old Master replied, The one you feed.

It is my hope that this book will encourage you to always feed love and challenge your fears.

M y second favorite activity is datingthe first is losing consciousness while bungee jumping and smashing face first into a craggy cliff.

Don't get me wrong. I love to be in love. The only problem is that I'm a nut magnet. Really, I am. For years, every weirdo, commitment-phobe, and perfect storm of male stupidity found me absolutely irresistible or just had to have me.

Then one day, chilling thoughts of spending another evening listening to some narcissist drone on about his latest act of brilliance, or trying to remove every trace of cat hair from my house to keep the allergic boyfriend from going into anaphylactic shock again, made me swear off all alarming, disordered, neurotic, and overall frightening men (that is, pretty much anyone with a Buzz Lightyear action figure collection or a restraining order). I plunged into monk mode, withdrew from social activities, and refused to answer my e-mails. I meditated, soul-searched, and waited for some kind of an epiphany. I was terrified of becoming the prophet of doomor worse, my grandmother after her third Manhattan cocktail. So I withdrew, iced my bruised ego, and hid the fact that I was as needy as my mother before starting hormone replacement.

And then, like the proverbial butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, I came out of my shell. My plan was to assemble the triumvirate of estrogena certain black silk dress that gave me outstanding cleavage; long, shiny locks; and mega-mascaraed lashes that rivaled those of Cleopatra. Meanwhile, as I mentally mapped out the logistics of my Herculean comeback, it happened.