Royce Mobley - Self-Help Through Changing Your Behavior: Enjoy Your Life More

Copyright 2015
Royce Mobley

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN: 978-1-4835657-8-1

To my late Father June Benjamin Mobley
and
Mother Lenora Mobley
for their love and sacrifices. They will always
be my heroes.

For all my family and friends who have been an inspiration to me and who influenced my thinking to write this book.

My deepest appreciation to my life-long friend, Keith Fantroy who was also the Best Man of my wedding, for his incredible support in being my editor, and for the time he dedicated in helping me with the completion of this book. I could not have done it without him, I am forever grateful. Keith has played an integral part in my life ever since we bumped into each other in Hong Kong and rode in the same Taxi Cab together back to our ship. It seems that weve been in that same Taxi enjoying the ride of our relationship since that time, in 1980. Im fortunate to have him as a friend.

My loving wife Carrie, who I have been married to for 30 years, support, encouragement and patience were invaluable from the beginning to the finish of the book. Im grateful to have her as my Life-support and Sweetheart.

And to all the people who are tired of waiting for their life to change for the better, wait no longer, because your change is at your fingertips!

Self-help through changing your bad habits can be used as a way to improve not only your life, but also the lives of generations to come. The purpose of this book is to provide information and encourage you to consider the things that you can do to help yourself simply by changing bad habits. Changing bad behavior is a simple way to do better and live a more productive life. Not one of us needs to wait for someone else to do for us those things we can do for ourselves. Even if it is not clear to us at this moment, it is within our power to deal successfully with most of the difficulties that many of us face, including continued high poverty, unemployment, incarceration of family members, and poor quality education. These, as well as other challenges do not allow us the luxury of limiting our options for effective solutions. Far too long, most of us have chosen to accept the situation and conditions that we find ourselves in instead of choosing and acting to change them. Consciously or unconsciously, we have just gone along and accepted the same old bad social standards, attitudes, and practices that have impeded our progress or stopped it altogether. If you could go back and relive your life, would you change any of the decisions you made or the things that you have done? If you are one who wouldnt change anything, then your life must be wonderful! However, most people without question would probably change certain choices and actions that didnt produce the results intended or desired. Regardless of our age, each of us has made mistakes in our lives that have continued to undermine our progress. For instance, some of us went to school and may even have graduated but, nevertheless, did not take school seriously and, therefore, did not do our best. Others of us dropped out altogether. You may be one who has been to prison or jail because you chose to do something illegal, thinking you could get away with it. These and similar mistakes, despite the logic and reasoning we used at the time, have kept us from reaching our full potential. Yet, we are not disposed to live with the consequences of our mistakes by force. If we have not taken steps to make amends for the mistakes we have made, we must look within ourselvesfor within each of us is the answer to our failing to do so. That which caused us to choose and do the wrong thing, even if we might have believed it was the right thing at the time, is the very thing that is holding each of us back right now. Since it is our character and personality that predicts our behavior, then, that negative causation within us may be the result of something that we have learned and incorporated within our character, or it may be the result of something that we have failed to learn and incorporate in our character. By that which we learn and adopt from our experiences, we are the masters of our character on which our personality relies to express who we are. And, while we may be influenced by others, each of us alone is the only person who can change our character. No matter how we define success, the beginning of our journey to succeeding in life is by, first, understanding the need to change and by, second, taking the necessary action to change those aspects of our character that are holding us back. This book is written to encourage you to take an inventory, assess, and evaluate those aspects of your character that distinguish you as an individual that which your choices and actions personifyand those distinctive qualities are the means by which you establish and maintain your reputation.

No matter how we define or classify them, all peoples of this world are influenced by traditions that have been passed down to them through generations. Unfortunately, the traditions of Black people in America have been marred by slavery, Jim Crow, and institutional racism, such that some traditions are positive influences on the character of Black people but others are negative influences that we must eliminate. Slave owners took specifically targeted steps to breakup Black families so that they could not bond as a family unit and they also took steps to deny Black family members the education they deserved. In conjunction, they prohibited participation in certain cultural traditions and customs or prevented such participation or practice by limiting or denying Black slaves freedom and resources. Consequently, many traditions among Black Americans today are mere shadows or corruptions of African traditions that our ancestors attempted to pass down to the generations in spite of slavery. The vast majority of Black slaves could neither read nor write; therefore, where such traditions could not be physically practiced or demonstrated, they passed such traditions down to the generations through the spoken word, through poetry, and through songs. Only after slavery ended did Black Americans begin to reconstitute their extended families and reinstitute old family traditions that had been passed down through folklore, folktales, or through verbatim repetition of some traditional sayings or songs within which certain beliefs and practices were memorialized. We can only imagine or surmise how much of our ancestral traditions were lost over the 250+ years of slavery and the next 150+ years of discrimination, segregation, and Jim Crow policies and laws. In conjunction, during slavery and throughout the period of Jim Crow, Black adults taught traditions that were wrought out of slavery to Black children, even to those who were not related by blood. These were not altogether African traditions but also included slave traditions devised by Black adults and designed to teach each other and Black children how to survive and traverse the dangers, stumbling blocks, and impediments that were incorporated in the policies and practices of slavery, Jim Crow, and institutional racism.

Since these are the traditions that many of us embrace today, we must realize that behaviors passed down through the generations can keep you, develop you, deny you, or destroy your chances to succeed in the world we live in today. Although some traditional behaviors serve a significantly good and proper purpose, others may not be conducive to producing beneficial results for people struggling to overcome the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow. Only by our own ignorance and resistance to change are we bound to continue cultural or customary beliefs or practices from generation to generation that keep producing bad outcomes and results for us as individuals or as a family. The truth of the matter is that we are born into our familys way of life. Therefore, when we are children, some decisions are made for us before we have a choice in the matter. These decisions include such things as our familys status economically, politically, educationally, and religiously. As children, we had no part in determining the example our parents gave us as regards marriage, parenting, community participation, etc. Yet, for the most part, these aspects of our upbringing were most influential in forming our way of thinking and behaving. And of those experiences both good and bad, we gained knowledge, understanding, and wisdom; and we used that which we gained to build and pattern our livesthat is, in making choices and taking actions, right or wrong. Nevertheless, we are not bound to continue believing that which we first accept is true; our experiences either confirms that the truth we believe either is valid or invalid. When we obtain proof that the truth that we believe is invalid, it is in our best interest to revise our thinking and seek a more valid, if not perfect, truth.