Zosia Mamet - My First Popsicle : An Anthology of Food and Feelings

Zosia Mamet

There are a few things we cant live without. I mean, there are things we think we cant live without, like coffee or sex or our favorite television show. But in terms of basic survival, the things we actually need are few in number. Water, oxygen, sleep, and food. And maybe love. But thats if you wanna get existential about it, and I feel like we should stay literal for the time being. So, the first three things are obviously essential. But also slightly boring. Water, oxygen, sleep, sure... Food? Thats something else entirely. Food as a subject is a black hole. It is a word ripe with associations: stories, attachments, memories, disorders, emotions, hang-ups... the list is endless. My point being that at the end of the day we all have thoughts and feelings and emotions when it comes to food, certain foods more than others. But all of us, just the same. And given that food is listed as one of the few basic things we need to survive, I think we often forget how intimate our connections are to this topic. So I wanted to create a book of stories that highlighted that connection.

This all started a few years ago when my husband, Evan, and I went out to dinner with two friends of ours. During the meal, the wife took out her phone and said that she had to show us the cutest video. It was of their two-year-old son having a popsicle for the first time. The video was incredible. In the video, his mom hands him the popsicle and he tentatively puts it to his lips. He immediately pulls the popsicle away and starts to cry, but then a wave of curiosity washes over his face and he very slowly touches the popsicle to his lips again. There are another few moments where he looks slightly confused and is certainly debating the pros and cons of whether to venture forward or abandon the mission of this cold, sweet, alien thing. But eventually he takes the plunge and shoves the popsicle in his mouth. And then... the most epically massive smile breaks out over his face, and he starts to cackle in an infectiously giddy way. So the broken-down TV Guide version of this two-minute iPhone video is: kid eats popsicle for the first time. Sounds pretty mundane, right? But believe me when I tell you that this video was striking on so many levels. I hadnt thought about experiencing a food for the first time in... I couldnt even remember. Let alone having actually experienced a new food for the first time. Probably not since I was around this boys age. And the range of emotions that played across his face throughout this short video was exceptional. It was like watching a brilliant French mime. He hit all the big ones: fear, confusion, dislike, distaste, sadness, joy, jubilation. It was all there. And it was new. He had discovered something. I was blown away by it. And I couldnt stop thinking about it. As we walked home from dinner, it was as if a burr had gotten stuck in my brain, scratching away at it. Food and emotions... food and emotions... the three words kept knocking about in my head like a pinball machine.

And then, over the next few days or weeks (Im not entirely sure of the timeline here; my memory isnt great), the topic continued to stew. I suffered from severe anorexia growing up, so I have my own history and emotionally fraught connection to food. I thought deeply about that on a personal level: my journey with it; the stories I had to tell about food, in general; specific foods, dishes, and my feelings toward them. And then, as I thought more about it, I realized how universal this topic is. No matter who you are, what your upbringing was, where you came from, your religion, your age, your profession, no matter what, we all have some form of emotional connection to food and stories to tell about it.

Once the idea had fully formed in my brain, I became convinced that this had to have been done before. Somebody had for sure already written this book. I knew I wanted it to be an anthology. I wanted to acquire as many essays from as many wonderfully different human beings as I could and hear their stories about food. I had a few to tell, but who wants to hear only from me? So I reached out to my book agents and I told them the idea. And they too thought, This is potentially a good ideait has to have been done before. They did their due diligence and some deep digging to see if anything like this book existed. And hark! It did not! So in a conference room at Janklow & Nesbit on a very hot Manhattan afternoon,