Lakeenah Fitts - Broken Pieces

Broken Pieces Copyright 2020 by Lakeenah LeShae Fitts

All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Cover designed by Brown Bomber Designs

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing: Aug 2020

The Scribe Tribe Publishing Group

P.O. Box 1264

Homewood, IL 60430

ISBN- 978-1-7352568-2-5 To my beautifully and wonderfully made children, Justice and Leon. I love you more than words can ever express. Always remember, your faith must always be higher than your circumstances.

To my bonus kids, I hope you know how much you are loved and valued. This is for you too!

~Mom

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Thank You, God, for choosing me for this path. You believed in me when I counted myself out.

Thank you, mom, for the unconditional love and support that you give me. You are a strong woman to be able to reuse when you were a child yourself. Thank you for keeping me.

Thank you, Mom-Mom, for always being a listening ear and for making it known that your door is always open.

Thank you Keelee, China, Shalawn, Lele, Jami and April for almost 30 years of sisterhood and for allowing me to be the person I was designed to be.

Thank you, Dr. Tyra Good, for having a consistent hand in my healing and leading me to the water.

Thank you, Aunt Lisa, for sharing those wonderful hugs with me and showing me through your words and actions that you love me.

Thank you, Pastors, for the countless conversations letting me know that God has a plan for me and to stay close to the word.

Thank you to my coworkers and those who helped and supported me in reading and the words of encouragement. I will always be grateful for you.

Thank you to those who doubted me. I was able to turn that negative into a reason to keep writing.

As I always say, if I told you I love you, I meant it with all my heart.

Love always,

Lakeenah LeShae

My name is Lakeenah LeShae and I want to share with you why I will never give up on love. Love is what has brought me through the most difficult times and situations. The Bible says, Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8) and with all my heart, I feel this way. Love is what saved my life. As I write more about me and my journey, you will better understand why I embody this scripture.

Love is my language. As I look back over the years, love has always found me, even when I didnt expect it, nor was I searching for it. I love that element of surprise of it all! Love seems to be what people are afraid of these days. People say love hurts. People come and go, and people seem to not want to open up to experience what love really feels like. So, love gets pushed back further and further because people aren't willing to be open to it. This is true in familial and romantic love. Many decide that its too much work or its a job they arent up for, so they push love away.

Even though love seems to always be an integral part of my life, it certainly hasnt always been easy.

This journey has taken several years for me to be able to put my words on paper, but I finally have the courage. I kept going back and forth with myself considering other peoples feelings...

How will they see me after they read my book? Will they truly open their hearts to understand all that I was going through when I was going through? Will they try to place themselves in my shoes while turning the pages, reading my words? Will they allow themselves to cry for me, or will they judge me, be mad at me, dislike me or even verbally attack me?

For too long I chose not to write because I was concerned about how they may react to what I have to say. I have started and stopped writing a million times over the past 17 years because I told myself it wasn't time to tell my story but honestly, I wasn't ready to relive what I went through at such a young age. I was only 21 and things were good, but then life turned extremely bad for me. The sadness and pain I was forced to live with was crippling and so many times I felt that I couldn't go on. Every night I was inconsolable, and Id wake up feeling mournful and broken-hearted all over again.

But God.

As I reflected on my fears, shared my concerns with a few others, and prayed to God for clarity, I realized I had already been judged, doubted, and attacked. People had already decided they didnt like me before they knew anything about me.

Why should I worry about what someone has to say about me sharing my truth?

Here is my truth:

I am a recently divorced single mother of two living in a home with about $5000 in back property taxes and a leaky roof that I cover with the blood of Jesus every time I hear it's going to rain. I am not kidding! God has found countless ways to get my attention. Now I can say I am a true woman of God and I cant understand how I lived without the faith I have now. It has been such a blessing knowing and understanding Gods way. I never want to live without God for the rest of my life. I am greedy for the Lord, thats for sure. With God choosing me when He did, He was able to break me down and build me back up. Going through, I didn't know what was happening. Now on the other side, I can see thats what was going on. He had to strip me of all that wasnt for me. He took away anything that may have gotten in the way of His purpose for my life.

I must admit, I love the newly defined me. I am so much stronger now. I can understand things from a fresh perspective. No more tunnel vision. I can appreciate the small things in ways I wasn't able to in the past. I've always been able to see the good in all things but now that I have the saving grace working through me it's a much better picture. I believe that every day is an opportunity to learn so I am in this classroom of life daily, willing to learn. Not a day goes by that I dont take something from it. I learn from some of the closest people to me but also from strangers. I'm learning to be a better me, a better mom, a better daughter, and a better woman of God.

Recently, I reconnected with my very first love, Mitch. Weve always held a special place in each others hearts; Mitch has always been a true friend and reminded me of my worth. We met when we were teenagers and went our separate ways, but we always seem to cross paths just when one of us needs a lifeline. It's like a reality check for us both. We make a point to let each other know how important we are to one another and remind each other that our dreams can come true if we believe and keep pushing. Mitch has encouraged me and pushed me so much. He was one of the people who suggested I tell my whole truth. To hear this man speak about what he sees in me is breathtaking. Any man can talk about what they see as far as a walk, the way someone talks, or how they dress or smell. Not Mitch. He has said some of the most profound things to me that had me wondering how this man loves me like this. Ive never experienced anyone seeing me the way his eyes see me. I always have to take a moment to process what he says. I once had to share one of his profound messages with a coworker. She read it and her response was, Wow, Tink. I have never had anyone express themselves like that about me. He really thinks the world of you. She then asked how long I had known him. My response was two decades. One of the things he said to me in one of our deep calls was that he wanted us to share our fears. Now that may not sound too deep to you, but to me that spoke volumes. Do you know anyone who really wants to put themselves on a platter to be served up for possible judgment or be put in a vulnerable place? This is far from common in any relationship. But because of the level of trust he has for me, he was willing.