Lisa Kessler-Peters - Why I Tried to Die: A Story of Trauma, Resilience and Restoration

WHY I

Tried to

DIE

A Story of Trauma, Resilience, and Restoration

LISA KESSLER-PETERS

Endorsements

Come walk with Lisa as she takes you on a journey from death to life. Her testimony of how she was delivered from a life of addiction and trauma will inspire you to seek a deeper relationship with God.

Why I Tried to Die will grip you from the beginning through the end. Lisas courageous transparency throughout the pages of this book reveal the glory of God and His redemptive healing and restorative powers. It is a must-read for all who are currently going through or dealing with trauma from the past. You will not be disappointed.

MB Busch

President, Heartbeat of Heaven Ministries

Lisa invites the reader on a journey. This journey is the story of her life, full of hopelessness, tragedy and trauma. Yet, in the midst of the most difficult and hopeless of moments, she encountered the living God who repositioned her with a hope and a future. No life is beyond the reach of a loving God, and Lisas story is a great reminder of this truth.

Pastor Ruth Hendrickson

Ruth Hendrickson Ministries

ruthhendrickson.org

A riveting page-turner! Lisas story is one of how heartbreaking trauma kept her world from being safe. But God had other plans! In the most surprising of places, He set her free. Her trust, resiliency and transformation are a testimony of Gods power that speaks profound truth.

Mary Whitman Ortiz

Founder, Limitless Intimacy

When reading Why I Tried to Die , I instantly was able to connect to the author. Her ability to capture and articulate her story to the reader was simply amazing. As someone who dealt with abuse for many years, I was able to identify with what Lisa described. As an author myself, I understand firsthand how difficult it is to not only keep the reader intrigued, but also create an imagery for the reader to experience. Lisa was able to do that as well. I believe that this book will not only transform lives, but also change the minds and stereotypes that have been in place. The author is an amazing woman, and I am blessed to have her in my life.

Veronica Dixon

Co-Pastor, Elevated Life in Christ Community Church

What comes through for me in Why I Tried to Die is Lisas amazing courage and resilience. I read her words but cannot fathom how she endured persistent childhood trauma in her home, the shuttling back and forth to foster homes and a different school every year, and exposure at such an early age to drugs, alcohol, sex and sexual abuse.

On several occasions, I have had the privilege of hearing Lisa eloquently summarize her lifes journey, but the book captures what a ten-minute talk cannotthe depth of the harm she experienced and her battle to overcome the pain and trauma against all odds. Speaking with her before her initial talk, I had no clue that she was so horribly mistreated by too many for so long.

Lisa is truly a remarkable woman. Her work is an inspiration to all who read it that even the most inhuman challenges can be overcome with faith and the love of life as expressed by her devotion to her children.

Robert K. Reed

Executive Deputy Attorney General for Special Initiatives

Pennsylvania Office of Attorney General

Copyright 2020 Lisa Kessler-Peters

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

Names have been changed to protect individuals privacy .

Paperback 978-1-945169-38-0

eBook 978-1-945169-39-7

Published by

Mercy & Moxie, an imprint of

Orison Publishers Inc.

PO Box 188, Grantham, PA 17027

www.OrisonPublishers.com

Scripture quotations marked HCSB are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible, Holman CSB, and HCSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyn dale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIrV are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL READERS VERSION. Copyright 1996, 1998 Biblica. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of Biblica.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation . Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream , Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my Lord to be used however He sees fit. It is because of Him that I am here and able to tell my story. I also dedicate this book to my children, Chloe, Kaydee and Dekan. You have been my motivation since the day you each were born, and I am so thankful I get to be your mother.

Acknowledgments

I want to thank everyone who supports me, especially my husband, David Peters, and my mentors, Pastor Jason Seaman and Reverend Donna Humphries. Pastor Jason, Reverend Donna, without the two of you believing and pouring into me, I know I wouldnt be as far along as I am today.

A special thank you goes to my writing coach and publisher, Marsha Blessing, and her team. Thanks for making a dream come to life.

Foreword

T his is a story of an incredible journey. In my work with incarcerated women and those in recovery from addictions, I have encountered women who possess a peace Christ promised, one that passes human understanding. For many, this sacred presence of peace was forged in the storms of life. This peace and joy are precious, and Lisa writes that it was not realized in human relationships, drugs and alcohol, psychiatric hospitalizations and medications, but rather in a relationship with her Savior.

A golden strand of Gods mercy and grace is woven into the fabric of Lisas life. We see it in her earliest thoughts of God as a child and in her dark prison experience. God was her lifeline, both realized and unrealized at times. When she awoke after ingesting 300 opioid pain medications, I think she realized that God was near her.

Therefore, today we can celebrate with her the freedom she has found. We can be encouraged by Gods provision for Lisa and her children. When you consider the people God brought into her life and the daily provision of places to live and finances, we see again the golden strand of Gods faithfulness. A mothers heart longed for her children, and they were restored to her.

Lisa is a living example of servanthood. She shares in this book Scriptures from the Book of Isaiah that reference visiting the prisoner, even ministering to those in bondage to substance abuse. She absolutely is aware of the mercy and grace she experienced and wants for others to experience the freedom she found in Christ.

Kathryn M. Whiteley, PhD

Criminologist

Lebanon Valley College, Pennsylvania

Producer of the documentary, Until We Have Faces

Introduction

M y entire life I have been searching, begging and bargaining in my attempts to find happiness. I was abandoned, abused and/or neglected by all who were supposed to love, protect and care for me. I kept thinking that someone, somewhere, would bring me the happiness I so dearly needed. I was neglected since I was a young child, and I never truly had happiness except for a brief period in my life from when I was 19 till about 24 years old. But even in those years my happiness was found in others happiness, and their failures were my failuresor so I thought. I was codependent on others like my life depended on it, and at times it did. I felt I would die if I was alone. I felt that I would take my own life. Throughout my life I have attempted and contemplated death more times than I can count.