Abby Rike - Working It Out: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Hope

Copyright 2011 by Abby Rike

The Biggest Loser is not associated with this book or any of the views or information contained in this book.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION . Copyright by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scriptures noted NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible , Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1972, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

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First eBook Edition: May 2011

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ISBN: 978-1-609-41928-8

In honor of Rick, Macy, and Caleb may you impact others as you did me.

I m fine. A simple phrase with deeply buried meaning behind it. More often than not, those words are spoken by a person who is far from finebut a person who is struggling to survive and yet appears to have it all together. I know the struggle behind those words all too well, after all I began building a wall of defenses against the world from an early age. Born to a heroin-addicted mother, I practically began life in survival mode. By the time I was five years old, I had witnessed my mother jumping from moving cars, being beaten to near death, and even selling her body for drugs. Eventually I ended up in and out of foster homes, suffering abuse at the hands of strangers. As my life progressed, I continued to feel void of meaning and I just existed. This existence left me burying all my problems with any food I could get to my face. I had to reach nearly five hundred pounds before deciding that I wanted to find a way to live and not just survive. I arrived on The Biggest Loser ranch with huge empty spaces in my life. Little did I know, Id be brought back to life by a woman with her own voids to fill.

I can tell you that only God could have known what He was doing when He put the two of us together. Abby Rike and I are about as opposite as opposites can be when it comes to upbringing and lifestyles. From the very first moment, however, it felt as if we were connected. As Abby said, We are sisters. We just didnt know it. As roommates during The Biggest Loser process, we stayed up having late-night talks like preteens at a slumber partyevery night. Abby told me all about her beautiful familyRick, Macy, and Caleb, and I told her all about my momma, Tammy. We cried, we laughed, and we were silent in those moments when no words could express the pain we both felt. Our tragedies were so different, mine built up over a lifetime and hers all commencing in one fell swoop, yet they bound us together and sealed our friendship. Abby is only a few years older than me, but she gave me such a protective and unconditional love, something like that of a mother. And I let her, which was something I had never done. I think during that time, as our bodies were shrinking, our hearts were expanding. Those gaping holes that we came with were being healed. Mind you, they will never be gone, but somehow our friendship gave them a new shape.

It makes my heart so happy to know that Abby has this opportunity to share her story with you. As you begin to read this story, you, too, will find so much more than just a tragedy that ends in triumph. If you are anything like I was, you ask yourself, Will I ever get through this? If you are ready, you may find some answers in these pages. Abby is inspiringly honest and joyfully candid about her story, and she genuinely wants to tell her story so that it may help as many people as possible. It is always good for the soul to know that there is someone else out there who has been where you are. This book will not only take you through the depths in order to understand just how deep grief can go, it also will take you to the highest pinnacle as you journey with Abby into her present day where she inspires others and continues to stand strong in her faith.

As a professional social worker I work with many clients who are in the midst of grief. From my personal experience I recognize that it is difficult to see the other side when you are in the thick of things. Abby Rike knows firsthand how lonely grief and loss can be and how devastating it is to our fragile hearts. Her story beautifully illustrates the amazing truth that no matter what life throws your way, no matter how painful or overwhelming, no matter how long youve been buried under the circumstances of your life, you can one day be much better than fine. Abbys story confirms for us that there is always hope.

Shay Sorrells, MSW

The Biggest Loser, Season 8

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our despair, against our own will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.

Aeschylus

I am standing on the side of the road. Its as though my feet are planted in the ground, planted in cement. And Im just waiting. No one will tell me anything. The dreadful scene that lies around the curve ahead remains a mystery for now as Im frozen in place, standing like a statue at the defining moment of my lifeeerily controlled while the life and love Id cherished slips from my grasp. The intense combination of the red, white, and blue lights from the multitude of emergency vehicles penetrates my vision so severely I am overwhelmed by the visual assault. These are the lights that embody emergency, rescue, and often tragedy. Only this tragedymy tragedyhas left us with no one to rescue.

My heart beats as if it wants out of my body, as if my heart knows it belongs in the van with the three people who had filled it with the joy of a truly perfect love. I ask the unavoidable question piercing my soul: Is there a white van in the wreck?

Possible family member is the emergency responders reply into his radio.

I need to know if theres a white van!

And then simply, Yes.

Friday, October 13, 2006, began as a calm and quiet day of precious hours shared between a mother and her brand-new, beautiful baby. And I knew beauty. I had watched it grow and radiate from every part of my daughter, Macy, for almost six years. I had witnessed the beauty of her innocence and the gift of her vivacious spirit. And now wed been blessed once again with our blond-haired, blue-eyed, nine-and-a-half-pound perfect baby boy. The past eighteen days spent with Caleb had been absolute bliss. Caleb represented our hope for the future, and Rick and I savored the joy he added to our lives.

He was the only boy, Mommys handsome feller (as I so lovingly called him), PaPas fishing buddy, Daddys little Longhorn, and the most wonderful completion of our family.

In those moments with my new family of four, I was acutely aware of the blessings that had been showered upon me. Not once did I take what Id been given for granted; they were my purpose, my joy, my truth, and my everything. My roles as wife and mother were everything Id ever wanted, and I would not have traded lives with another human on the planet.