Christy Lowry - Hope Renewed: Picking up the Pieces after Loss

Griefs well known stages are familiar to multitudes of people worldwide, regardless of the loss involved. But to clarify them for the bereft and their solicitous comforters, they include: shock, disbelief, denial, anger, guilt, blame and regret, bargaining, and finallyresignation and acceptance.

Shock strikes immediately after a tragedy occurs. Its our immediate and initial response to a sudden overwhelming, unexpected loss. Disbelief follows: we cant believe our loved one has died, the job didnt come through, etc. Denial is more of a choice even over time, we refuse to accept whats happened. Anger follows: furious that someone or something we love has been taken away, we indignantly rage, Why me?? This isnt fair!

Guilt keeps us on the hook. Rightly or wrongly, we assume responsibility for what happenedeven for the anger we just felt! Next we add blame and regret to the mix, blending in the if onlies, wishing we could change both past and present. When preparing that recipe has exhausted us, we lower slightly to bargaining, If you return my loved one, Ill do __for you. When negotiations and trade-off attempts fail, resignation sets in. Finally, we admit our loved one isnt coming back, nor is life as we knew and preferred it, ever returning to normalthis is acceptance.

This description of the grief journey is deceptively linear. Instead, its stages (initial shock the exception) repeat themselves many times. The emotionally bedraggled griever finds such unmanageable repetitiveness totally disconcerting. The one major comfort in the midst of this mayhem is that these stages gradually wind downespecially if we can be flexible, allowing each to unfold. Such release, even surrender, moves us to the light at the end of the tunnel that much faster.

And true healing meets us there. As we absorb it, God helps us move on to create something new from our lossoften in ways helpful to others which then, surprisingly blesses us as well!