Published by The Man in The Ditch, LLC
Dallas, Texas
www.themanintheditch.com
Copyright 2021 The Man in The Ditch, LLC
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without permission from the copyright holder.
Cover art by Dust Devil Press, LLC
ISBN: 978-1-7372351-0-1
ISBN: 978-1-7372351-1-8 (e-book)
To Liz, C.J., and Kyle. My people. Back to back. To Hell and back.
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedomsto choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way.
~Viktor Frankl, Mans Search for Meaning
Lloyd Christmas: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...ending up together?
Mary Swanson: Not good.
Lloyd: Not good like one in a hundred?
Mary: Id say more like one in a million.
Lloyd: So youre telling me theres a chance?
~Jim Carey and Lauren Hollyin Dumb and Dumber
Contents
Introduction
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming[.]
~ Theodore Roosevelt
M onday, February 4, 2002, was a watershed moment: The Bassett Firm opened its doors and I found myself at the helm of my very own law practice. This was a dream Id first conceived as a student at St. Marys Law School in San Antonio, Texas. But really, the dream started more than three decades before that, taking root in my mind as a young boy with an entrepreneurial spirit and a drive to make money, hustle, and build something from the ground up. That dream was finally taking concrete form: I was running my own business, I had clients who trusted me, and I had a workhorse staff dedicated to making my dream a reality. I had great kids and an incredibly supportive wife.
I had the world at my fingertips.
At least, thats what was on the outside.
But concealed underneath this sweet exterior was a bitter core. Instead of celebrating on February 4, I was consumed with worry. I thought I was going to federal prison.
Put that on a list of phrases I never thought would come out of my mouth.
I never could have imagined I would be the subject of an FBI investigation, facing serious penalties from both the federal government and the Texas Bar. Me, a father, husband, son, brother, and lawyer. In that moment, I probably would have sold my soul to be labeled as anything but a common criminal. But there are times in our lives that radically challenge our own perceptions of ourselves. And for me, this was one of those times.
This is the story of how I ended up at one of the lowest points in my life. And how, because of that low point, I now share this story with you as a man profoundly altered, whose best-laid plans were marred by notoriety, scandal, and rejection. A story of a fall from grace so severe that it fundamentally changed who I am. And hopefully, in the end, it is a story of redemption and the healing power of community and Divine Grace.
This is the story of the Man in The Ditch. And in these pages, I am going to share that story with you.
Anyone who has ever read John Grisham will likely recognize this as the typical story arc: a rise, a fall, and a subsequent rise, bolstered (of course) by a loyal few who keep the faith while the rest of society at best walks by and at worst casts stones. But to me, its so much more than that.
My time in The Ditch sobered me to a grim reality: All of us are just one left turn from The Ditch.
If we were having coffee together at Luckys, my favorite Dallas diner, this is the part where you would do one of two things: one, grab the check and get the heck out, or two, ask: Mike, what is this ditch thing, anyway?
If youre still reading this book, Im assuming youve picked option two, so heres the deal. The Ditch is a place you dont want to end up, but in some cruel twist of fate, you do. Maybe its through your own fault. Maybe its not. For some, The Ditch may be a scary diagnosis. A job loss. A global pandemic that changes the fabric of your familys life. Maybe its a run-in with the law, a poor decision that spawns others and traps you in a cycle of addiction. And sometimes its vague. Sometimes, its just one too many hard knocks from life.
But let me make one thing clear: People in The Ditch arent bad people. At least, not any more than the rest of us. We all have the capacity to do great good and to work great evil. In my life, Ive done both. And my experience in The Ditch humbled me enough to know that no one is blameless.
Thats why Im sharing this story. Christians say that the ground is level at the foot of the Cross. I say its also level at the bottom of The Ditch. My story involves a perfect storm of human pride and fear, involvement with the wrong people, misplaced trust, the sharp sting of betrayal, and ultimately, desperation. But it took me a long time to realize that it was a special story precisely because it was far from unique.
It takes no effort to sit at a comfortable distance and judge those whove done wrong. Ive done it. But its really, really hard to be the one to roll up your sleeves and show your scars, especially if youre donning a cloak of righteousness. Its much harder to raise your hand and admit to royally screwing up.
Throughout my life, Theodore Roosevelts Man in the Arena speech has resonated with me, particularly this excerpt:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming[.]
This image empowers me every time I share my story. And this book is my attempt to climb into Roosevelts Arena.
Ive shared my story with audiences around the country, and from that, I have come face to face with countless others who have been in The Ditch. In fact, many have dug ditches that look hauntingly similar to mine, marked by secrecy and scandal. And every time I share my story, I hear the same refrain: Mike, now I know Im not the only one.
By sharing my story, my hope is to encourage others with one simple fact: that they are not alone in The Ditch while everyone else sits on a mountaintop. Sharing our wounds builds bridges from ditch to ditch. But if no one speaks up, if no one is the first to climb into The Arena, then we all lose.
Because whether you call it Original Sin, a Hobbesian Leviathan, typical dumbassery, or something else, the reality is that we are all one heartbeat, one decision, one misstep from falling into The Ditch. To give you a sense of how I went from lawyer, husband, father, and entrepreneur to the Man in The Ditch, I first need to share the stories about the people, experiences, and values that shaped me.