Andre Hayes - Six Months with Mommy: Chronicles from the Battlefronts of Cancer

Six Months
With
Mommy

Chronicles from the
Battlefronts of Cancer

ANDRE HAYES

Six Months With Mommy

Copyright 2020 by Andre Hayes. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.

The opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily those of URLink Print and Media.

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Published in the United States of America

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020913751

ISBN 978-1-64753-447-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64753-448-6 (Digital)

23.06.20

Contents

Over thirty years ago, I was the assistant director of student services and tutoring in the University of Washington Athletic Department, working primarily with the (then) highly-successful Husky football program. The program (at that time), recruited heavily from southern and northern California, and from high schools with less-than stellar or rigorous academic programs for their athletesespecially ethnically or racially underrepresented populations. My role was to run an academic acclimation programa scholarly boot campfor these ill-prepared young Black men, to introduce each of them to their new life as a STUDENT-athlete on a campus of 35,000 undergraduates. Andre came into a class of very talented football players, and stood out to me at that time, as he was cut against the mold: Mr. Hayes was reserved, keen at observation, still one of the guys; but, one could tell from the start, he was really focused on attaining his degree. After his graduation, I lost touch with Andre until I read in a University alumni magazine (1996), that he and another former student- athlete, Vince Fudzie, had written two books, The Sport of Learning: A Life Skills Book for Student-Athlete, and an updated version in 2001, Your Brain is a Muscle Too: How Student-Athletes Succeed in College and in Life (Harper-Collins). I purchased both books and have continued to use them in my work, to date.

In the fall of 2013, upon the passing of our beloved Husky football coach, Don James, I happened upon Andres beautiful message about Coach on Facebook and, in perusing his page, found his introduction to this book, Six Months with Mommy: Chronicles from the Battlefronts of Cancer.

In all honesty, in that moment of loss of Coach and my own journey through the ups and downs of breast cancer, I just burst into blubbering tears upon reading JUST the title and seeing the picture of Andre and Ms. Lulla! The last thing I was up to doingwas actually reading iteven the introduction! Finally, with Kleenex at hand, a beautiful rose-scented candle lit, a rather large glass of red wine, and pictures of my son and his wife all around me, I began my, Six Months with Mommy.

Momma began to speak, and her voice cracked as she started to cry, I dont know how much more pain I am going to have to deal with; but if last night was any indication God please just take me. I dont want no long & painful suffering.

I had never heard her talk about wanting to die, wanting to leave this earth. I got up and walked over, and put my arms around her. Momma placed her head on my left shoulder and her tears turned into uncontrollable sobbing.

Momma, please listen, I begged. Please dont give up, youre not a quitter. The thing I have always admired about you the most is how you never gave up on us, you never quit. We can fight this thing together, and I will be there with you every step of the way. I love you and am so proud to have you as my mother, I said as I began to cry. Please dont give up.

PROMISE ME one thing, she said. Promise me you wont go into no long depression if I die from this. You need to go on with your life, and not get hung up on this, she said.

March, 2003. Lulla Elizabeth Hayes one week before her first hospital admission and four months before her death at age 60. (Six Months with Mommy, by Andre Hayes)

Louise L. Hay, author and founder of Hay House, once said, I am very aware that we can only think one thought at a time. So I refuse to think the negative thoughts that keep the good out. Ms. Hay gave me, her sister in this horrendous fight against cancer, this small jewel of temperament and meditation, to conjure to my forethought as any dark stab of fear seeped in. It is a quotation I had sent in text to my then-25 year old son, in California, from a book I had received from his boss wife (a survivor).

After reading the initial publication of, Six Months with Mommy, Bubbas first words to me by phone from Virginia (where he now lives) were, God mom, we were so lucky! And a few weeks later, when asked to help me write this foreword for Andre, my son immediately asked me to send Ms. Hays quote to him again. I didnt need to ask why. This is what I received from my Bubba (Marlon Stewart, age 29):

Marla and son Marlon
Circa: 2010

When I got the news from my mom that she had cancer it was numbing, so much so it didnt really sink in until I flew up to be with her for her first, of eight operations, around Christmas. Our parents seem so invincible growing up that you dont believe anything like this will happen, especially when they sound fine, feel fine, and are in as great of shape as they have been in their life. The most difficult part of the process was being so far away as I was living in California while she was in Washington. There were so many complications, it seemed there were complications with the complications and it just wouldnt stop, but from California all I could do was continue to be reassuring and let her know how confident I was she would emerge from this a stronger person with a special outlook on life that only those who have dealt with similar situations to her can possibly have. From the moment she told me she had cancer, there wasnt an instance in which I didnt think this was going to have a positive ending. I knew that everyone involved (especially her) would be different afterward, more appreciative, happier, more focused on the good in people and in life. I probably responded to her telling me she had cancer by saying something stupid like, When do they get rid of it? I just never believed anything bad was going to happen. This became increasingly difficult as the complications continued, but I have a hard time not finding the positive in things. I hope my positivity and confidence had an impact, because Im not a doctor. My only way of helping was emotionally, and from as far away as I wasthere were a lot of difficult days where I felt helpless. However, I always had confidence in the power of positive thinking. Not that positivity would cure her cancer, or end her complications, but it would help her mind set and make each moment of everyday just a little bit better.

If there is one universal truth amongst women who have been blessed to experience motherhood, it is in the sheer will to live long enough to witness the literal fruits of our labor: happy, healthy, confident, curious, and independent daughters and sons, as they become adults. We mothers, hold fast to this silent prayerso much sothat the only inkling of its need to surface is when we are literally clocked by an ill-timed hand of fate.