Hema Kaur Sidhu - Mind Chiseling In My Grief

Introduction

When I first met Dr. Ajaib Sidhu, MD and Dr. Hema Sidhu, some 15 years ago, I was instantly impressed with the depth of love they had for each other. I also realized they were both extremely spiritual. And as time went on their love just seemed to continue to deepen. In our many conversations about our different spirituality I found my spirituality was deepening.

Dr. Ajaib Sidhu was a world-famous doctor with many international awards. Although we became good friends, I was so mesmerized by his presence that I always, even to this day, called him Dr. Sidhu.

I was honored to be with Hema at Dr. Sidhus bedside as he was going through his final days and hours. His death was a monumental loss to all who knew him and to the world. Just imagine what a loss it was for Hema. I have been so amazed how she is and has been handling her intense and agonizing grief. Through her ordeal she has truly balanced her grief with the joy of his life. Even though Dr. Sidhu is gone in body he is and probably always will be connected to Hema in spirit. They were and are true soulmates.

This book describes her journey through the first two years of her grief following Dr. Sidhus death. Each chapter portrays the amazing accomplishments she achieved on her journey.

By Jack Dunlavey

Chaplain, Chaplaincy Service Department, Howard County General Hospital

John Hopkins Medicine in Howard County

About the Author

Hema Kaur Sidhu, Ph.D., RPSGT, RST

Hema Kaur Sidhu has an extensive background in academics, research, and industry, in field of Neuroscience and Sleep Medicine.

Her volunteer activities include: Pastor Volunteer at Chaplaincy Department, Howard County General Hospital, Affiliated with Johns Hopkins. She has a Chaplaincy certification for FEMA-Federal Emergency Management Agency. Active Member of Faith Leaders Response Team, Montgomery County, MD- that responds to local acts of hate, violence, and racism. Active member of All Faiths in Friendship Group (Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Sikh, Hindu, Bahai, Mormon lay leaders). Emotional Spiritual Care Volunteer for Montgomery County, Maryland. Group Leader of Mental Health First Aid Program for the community, through Guru Nanak Foundation of America, Silver Spring, MD. Charter Member and Former President of Khalsa Toastmasters Club, Silver Spring, MD. Counsellor of the Youth Khalsa Toastmasters Gavel Club. She received Hind Ratan Award from India.

Reason for the Book

To Inspire

Sharing Presence of the Creator in forms of Angels Among Us

Contents

Oct. 03, 2018 5:30pm.

Lifes Approach

Struck by Grief: My choices were - Be a victim or Be a Conqueror

I decided to conquer the grief. I moved forward by experiencing the Creator by my side, in my thoughts and in actions.

Thanks to the Creator for sending waves of inspiring thoughts. In the process I acknowledged my loss. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions. My best expression was on paper with a pen.

There are different ways to channelize the ethereal energy flowing through you at all the times. There is something special about the grieving time. It is the time when an individual is fine tuned to discover his or her Inner self. I am blessed that I was able to connect.

Spiritual readings, wisdom of wiser people, helped me analyze each day through the process of chiseling my mind.

Infant Mind - Face Facts

On Oct. 06,2017, I was pondering over how my mind has been chiseled in the past six months. My husband Ajaib passed away on April 10, 2017. My time with him was a precious gift from the Creator.

I wanted to stay strong and lead a life he would be proud of me for. I challenged myself and tried to move forward, in an effort to maintain our regular schedule of activities. For example, I attended the Medical conference at the Baltimore Inner Harbor, which was routine practice of our team- my husband, our friend Dr. Swaroop and myself that brought back a lot of my memories.

In the month of April, a few days after his passing, I realized that my professional license was about to expire. I had to take care of this responsibility since I was far from retirement and knew I had to continue earning a living. In addition, utility bills, insurance, financial planning - mortgage, paying off loans, shredding of very old important documents- all these took a lot of my time and mental capacity. I felt like I had no choice but to keep on working and moving forward. In addition to regular tasks and paperwork, I was also in the midst of collecting supporting documents for my mothers USA permanent residency application.

The Sheep Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds, MD, was another event which we both always used to enjoy. This time my mother accompanied me. His presence was felt on the unpaved path we used to walk on, dirt of which would cover our shoes. Our favorite stops were Popcorn stall and then Ice cream. I missed him dearly but he was still holding my hand. When coming to buying something for me from the festival our favorite place was the Alpaca booth. This year, I just passed by it, not ready to settle on a purchase.

Oh! I forgot to mention his favorite earmuffs sheep skin booth. He used to buy those and very creatively he would use them as his forehead band, as he was always cold on his forehead. I stopped at the booth, looked at the vendor. He was busy. Ajaib whispered it is ok. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I moved on.

I felt as if the Creator had planned my visit to the Sheep Festival as a much needed break from the overwhelming obligatory projects around me. In May 2017- I had no choice but to work on a lot of deadlines of various projects both personal and professional. While I was working on my projects, I was supported by my friends, the lovely couple, Prakash Singh and Hardeep Kaur. The circle of my friends changed in the blink of an eye. Those I thought would be with me had become strangers. Others, who I knew were sincere, busy people, they held my hand through the journey. I was perplexed by some who distanced themselves from me. I asked myself what did I do? Why a change in their behavior? I could not get an answer. After trying to resolve these questions in my own mind, I approached Chaplin Jack and his words of wisdom were that it is normal. Accepting that there was nothing I could do about it took me to the next step.

My goal of staying involved was well supported by the Creator. The Creator presented multiple back-to-back opportunities for me to be engaged in and to give back to the community. As an example, it just so happened that on a weekend in June, I had a volunteer opportunity at the hospital, a family birthday celebration, and a religious prayer of thanks to help in.

Howard County General Hospital, Columbia, MD, where I volunteer as a Pastoral visitor, selected me to participate in a disaster drill on June 4, 2017. I accepted the challenge, of participating in the drill on my own. I reflected on how we both would have been part of the drill had my husband been around. He and I had been volunteer Pastoral visitors at the hospital for 9 years. In the evening I was invited to a birthday party of the 3-year-old in my in-laws family from noon to 4pm. At 5pm on the same day I was invited to religious ceremony of gratitude for a young lady who was starting a new job as an IT consultant. At their place we had Langar (food prepared as a community for all who attend). I stood at the stove, helping with the meal, until all 60 guests had been fed. Friends watching me expressed awe at how actively I was engaged in such activities during my time of mourning. In fact, was doing everything by putting my mind in the PRESENT. Angels were helping me by keeping me company on different occasions, with different people in my life all on the same day.