Richard Gross - The Psychology of Grief

www.ebook3000.com THE PSYCHOLOGY OF GRIEF What is happening emotionally when we grieve for a loved one? Is there a right way to grieve? What effect does grief have on how we see ourselves? The Psychology of Grief is a humane and intelligent account that highlights the wide range of responses we have to losing a loved one and explores how psychologists have sought to explain this experience. From Freuds pioneering psychoanalysis to discredited ideas that we must pass through stages of grief, the book examines the social and cultural norms that frame or limit our understanding of the grieving process, as well as looking at the language we use to describe it. Everyone, at some point in their lives, experiences bereavement and The Psychology of Grief will help readers understand both their own and others feelings of grief that accompany it. Richard Gross works for Cruse Bereavement Care, the UKs largest organisation offering bereavement support. He has been an author of books in psychology for over 30 years. www.ebook3000.com THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EVERYTHINGThe Psychology of Everything is a series of books which debunk the myths and pseudo-science surrounding some of lifes biggest questions.

The series explores the hidden psychological factors that drive us, from our sub-conscious desires and aversions, to the innate social instincts handed to us across the generations. Accessible, informative, and always intriguing, each book is written by an expert in the field, examining how research-based knowledge compares with popular wisdom, and illustrating the potential of psychology to enrich our understanding of humanity and modern life. Applying a psychological lens to an array of topics and contem porary concerns from sex to addiction to conspiracy theories ThePsychology of Everything will make you look at everything in a new way. Titles in the series: The Psychology of GriefThe Psychology ofRichard GrossConspiracy TheoriesJan-Willem van ProoijenThe Psychology of SexMeg-John BarkerThe Psychology ofAddictionThe Psychology of DietingJenny SvanbergJane OgdenThe Psychology of FashionThe Psychology of PerformanceCarolyn MairStewart T. CotterillThe Psychology ofThe Psychology of TrustGardeningKen J. RotenbergHarriet GrossThe Psychology of Working LifeThe Psychology of GenderToon TarisGary W.

Wood For further information about this series please visit www.thepsychologyofeverything.co.uk www.ebook3000.com THEPSYCHOLOGYOF GRIEFRICHARD GROSS www.ebook3000.com First published 2018 by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN and by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business 2018 Richard Gross The right of Richard Gross to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data A catalog record for this book has been requested ISBN: 978-1-138-08806-1 (hbk) ISBN: 978-1-138-08807-8 (pbk) ISBN: 978-1-315-11012-7 (ebk) Typeset in Joanna by Apex CoVantage, LLC www.ebook3000.com CONTENTS www.ebook3000.com www.ebook3000.com INTRODUCTION It was while running the basic training course for Cruse Bereave ment Care a few years ago that the idea of writing a book on grief first occurred to me. That course explores the nature of grief, how its experienced, the different forms it can take, and beliefs and attitudes regarding whats normal or healthy grief.

It also considers social and cultural attitudes to death and grief, as well as major theories of grief, which attempt to describe and explain why grief occurs and what its purpose is. One major limitation of theories is that they involve generalisations, that is, theyre meant to apply to everyone equally. But it soon became evident to me when working with bereaved people that everyones grief is unique to them: generalisations may provide a framework, but real people dont fit neatly into theoretical boxes and patterns. From my own experience of losing people close to me, I would suggest that part of the uniqueness of everyones grief is that we never know how anothers death will affect us until it happens! What (certain) theories predict will be our likely reaction, and the reality of that reaction, are often worlds apart: it may not be until a persons www.ebook3000.com 2 LOSS, BEREAVEMENT, AND GRIEF death that we begin to appreciate the true nature of our relationship with him or her. We might grieve for the relationship we thought we had, or the one we wished wed had, rather than the one we actually had. Just as relationships are complex, so can be grief.

In this and the following six chapters, I try to sample both personal experiences and theoretical accounts of grief; they are both valid in their different ways. But I think that before you begin reading, you should accept the guiding principle that theres no single correct way to grieve, which includes not being able to put a time limit on the grieving process: sometimes, grief may continue for a lifetime, because we continue to love the person we have lost. While death and taxes have famously been cited as the only certainties in life, we could add grief to that list. The link between death and grief is love (some times attachment): we grieve for those we loved who have died. IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS Im sorry for your loss has become a familiar and an almost clichd acknowledgement in Western countries (especially the U.S. and U.K.) of the death of someone who was emotionally significant to the per son being addressed.

If we try to unpack the statement, well identify a number of key terms and assumptions that recur throughout this book. (You might like to have a go at doing this yourself.) I recognise that X has died (is deceased) and I know that s/he was an important person in your life. Bereavement is probably the most difficult experience that any of us has to go through in our lives and you will inevitably go through a process of grieving for X. This is going to be tough, but its a necessary part of your attempt to come to terms with Xs death in order to be able to move on with your life. So, what has this unpacking revealed? Bereavement refers to the loss, through death, of someone to whom we were very close emotionally (attached) or who, in some other www.ebook3000.com L O S S , B E R E AV E M E N T, A N D G R I E F 3 way, played an important part in our lives (loved one or significant other).