Bart King - The Pocket Guide to Mischief
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- Book:The Pocket Guide to Mischief
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- Publisher:Gibbs Smith
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- Year:2008
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The Pocket Guide to Mischief: summary, description and annotation
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The greatest leaders and geniuses in history were mischief makers. They were the brave women who looked at how unfair the world was and said, I can do better than that. They were the stalwart men who saw stupidity and asked, Why do we have to do it that way? And they were the delightful children who ganged up on the neighborhood bully and hit him with wet noodles until he said, Uncle! Yes, historys mischief makers had the courage to point out that things like slavery, global warming, and turtleneck sweaters are bad. And they also pulled off some of the greatest hoaxes and practical jokes of all time. Their achievements include the Boston Tea Party, the War of the Worlds radio broadcast of 1938, and the Cheese Whiz Disaster of 2008. In honor of them, we introduce The Pocket Guide to Mischief, the perfect addition to any pranksters collection, as well as a fun-filled how-to for the budding troublemaker in all of us.
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The Pocket Guide to Mischief
Digital Edition v1.0
Text 2010 Author
Illustrations 2010 Brenda Brown
Images on pages 9 and 93 courtesy of istockphoto.com.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except brief portions quoted for purpose of review.
This book makes mention of some activities that theoretically could carry an element of risk. Readers assume all legal responsibility for their actions.
Gibbs Smith, Publisher
PO Box 667
Layton, UT 84041
Orders: 1.800.835.4993
www.gibbs-smith.com
Library of Congress Catalog-in-Publishing Data
ISBN-13: 978-1-4236-0366-5
ISBN-10: 1-4236-0366-4
1. Practical jokesHumor. 2. Conduct of lifeHumor. I. Title.
PN6231.P67K56 2008
818'.602dc22
2007037105
This book is dedicated to my Nemesis.
Think of this as a preview of coming attractions.
Do not be misled by this books cover. A mistake was made at the printing press, and apparently this book, which is about the importance of nutrition and dental hygiene, got mixed up with someones book about mischief.
So turn the page and enjoy learning about how to enjoy a wholesome and healthy lifestyle.
Let them call it mischief: When it is past and prospered it will be virtue.
If youve made it this far, you must be feeling really good. Medical experts believe that making and escaping mischief (like that fake introduction) is quite good for a persons health. In fact, if you follow this books advice, youll live to be eighty years old.[]
Im almost a doctor, and I want you to know that Im glad you have made such a healthy choice. Im also proud of you for having the courage to pick up this book in the first place. After all, some people think that mischief is always bad, pranks are always mean, and troublemaking is always wrong.
But mischief makers actually provide a valuable service to the rest of society. Think about how boring life would be if everyone were a perfect saint all the time! Mischief makers give the rest of us a good laugh and funny stories to tell to each other.
Maybe youre already a mischief maker. If so, good for you! Believe it or not, we make the world a better place. We are our nations unsung heroes!
What is it that makes a great mischief maker? Being clever is good. After all, its hard to be a smart aleck if youre not actually smart to begin with. (Stupid alecks are a lot less impressive.) And of course, you need to be willing to make trouble on a small, amusing, and non-destructive scale.
And dont worry if you are currently a do-gooder...gag, retch, vomit...this book can help! Even if you dont think you have what it takes to make mischief and mayhem, trust me: there is already a mischief maker inside you.
You see, your body is composed of incredibly tiny bits of matter called atoms. These are so small that it takes almost a million atoms to be as wide as one hair. Since atoms last practically forever, all the atoms currently inside you used to belong to somethingor someoneelse.
Some of the atoms inside you came from stars, some from rocks, and some even came from people long ago. Scientists agree that every living person has a few atoms inside that were once part of every single other person who ever lived on the planet. This would include charming folks like Vlad the Impaler (14311476) and Gertrude the Booger Flicker (600678).
So you see, you do have a little bit of a mischief maker inside you after all. Everyone does!
The Atom
Before we move on, you have to agree to the following rules. (If you dont, this book will now give you a small electric shock.) Of course, following the rules goes against everything that a mischief maker stands for. We live to break the rules. (Bending the rules is also okay. If you cant do that, at least try to leave dirty handprints on them.) So the first rule of mischief making is not to have any rules.
And Im now going to break that rule. Raise your middle hand and repeat after me:
Rules for Pranking, Hoaxing, Shenanigans, and General Mischief Making
I will be safe.
So set that beehive down. Now walk away slowly. Okay, run!
I will not damage or destroy property.
So put down that thermonuclear device. Walk away slowly. Okay, run, and keep going until youre 1,200 miles away.
I will be sly.
Since the key to pulling off a prank is to not get caught, dont set off anyones prank-dar. So try not to get caught!
I will never hurt anyone with a prank.
Sure, you might want to trick people and have a laugh. But your trick should be so clever that instead of making your victim look stupid, he or she enjoys it as much as you did.
I will never prank anyone for money.
Unless someone offers you some. In which case you should take it with an evil chuckle while rubbing your palms together.
Now shove a fist into the air and yell,
Hail, cheese whiz!
Okay, I guess youre ready to turn the page.
[] This is a footnote . Mischief makers use footnotes a lot because it forces the reader to look all the way down here. Ha ha!
Banish tomorrow! Your Nemesis lays wait.
Its important for a beginning mischief maker like yourself to narrow your focus to one person. This will help you with your technique, and everyone else you know will be grateful. I will call the lucky person you select your Nemesis.
Your Nemesis is your foe, your opponent, your archenemy, and your ambition. He or she might be related to you or be your best friend. Because of this, you will be careful not to go too far with your mischief making. After all, you and your Nemesis have a relationship! Plus, you dont want to give your Nemesis any reason to throw ninja stars at you or try to run you over with a dump truck.
Of course, your Nemesis does not have to be a person. It could be something slightly larger, like a city or even North America. But it is not very easy to play a good practical joke on a continent. Often, your prank will turn into an impractical joke, which is not as satisfying to carry out.
A stranger cannot be a nemesis. Nor can it be anyone who is supersensitive or shy.
In addition, your Nemesis should be someone who is at least your age, size, and popularity. In other words, make sure your Nemesis is at your social position or higher.[]
Avoid selecting anyone with lots of tattoos or a nunchuck collection. And unless you have training in sword fighting, do not pick a Nemesis who might challenge you to a duel after one of your fun-loving pranks. In my experience, pain hurts, and its hard to get bloodstains out of most clothes. Oh, and never play a prank on the Queen of England. She has a trained champion whose job is to challenge anyone who messes with her. Really.
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