King Bart - The pocket guide to girl stuff

If boys are the opposite sex, does that mean that they really are completely different from girls? Lets find out!

Look at the cross-section of a boys brain. It looks pretty different!

As you go through school, at some point it will seem like all your friends are always talking about boys and couples. And youll think, Everyones boy crazy! How did things change so fast? We used to dislike boys.

And its true! If you ask little girls in kindergarten how much they like boys, the girls will rate boys as being okay. After that, the boys will get steadily worse ratings from the girls every year, all the way through fourth grade. Why do little girls dislike little boys? One theory is that its because little boys are brats! (Whats with all this cooties stuff, anyway?)

If ever you find yourself annoyed by a bratty little boy, try using this mystical chant to solve your problem. It was written by wise girls many years ago:

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,

Girls go to college to get more knowledge.

Crisscross, applesauce,

I hate boys!

That just might help you.

Here are some other annoying problems that younger boys sometimes have.

Annoying Problem: He picks his nose.

Is This Normal? Yes.

Annoying Problem: He likes to give wedgies.

Why Does He Do This? Scientists have been studying Boys and the Mystery of the Wedgie for years, and they still have no idea why boys do this. It may be a way primitive people communicate with each other. No one knows for sure. What is certain is that you should keep an eye on any boy who likes to give wedgies.

Annoying Problem: He winked at you.

Is This Normal? The technical term for winking is nictitating. Does that sound normal to you?

Annoying Problem: He wrote you this note:

Hi!

Im guessing that youre from Tennessee, because youre the only ten I see! I know youre good at science. Are you going to be a female astronaut? Because you are really out of this world! If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together! What do you say?

Timmy

Is This Normal? Not unless you think its funny.

As you can see, most boys problems have to do with maturity. The fact is that most boys mature more slowly than girls. Thats mentally and physically!

This is why girls and boys sometimes dont have a lot in common in 6th through 8th grade. (Of course, this is also when many girls get interested in boys.) But boys are sooo immature. It makes sense that in many cultures throughout history, girls got married in their early teens, while boys werent allowed to get married until they were in their 20s or older. This may also explain why so many women end up marrying men who are a few years older than they are.

If youre trying to understand boys, one important thing to know is that a boy never wants to look like a sissy to the other boys. Thats why even little boys will act macho, like they weigh 300 pounds and are covered in tattoos. Its silly, but a boy starts pretending hes a man when hes just a kid. (And then he never stops pretending for the rest of his life.)

Because of this, as they get older, many boys often wont show much emotion. These older boys are like poker players, but instead of hiding their cards, they hide their feelings. Your average boy is not going to want to tell you any of his feelings because for him, these are his secrets.

Its not their fault, though. Boys are often told if they show their feelings that they are acting like a girl. A boy playing with dolls (or doing any other girl activity) is teased much more than a girl playing football (or any other boy activity). So life can be tough for boys in ways that girls dont have to worry about.

Did you know that MACHO actually stands for Males Acting Childish, Horrible, and Obnoxious?

Father, May I Grow? A tribe of people named the Malagasy live in Madagascar. One of their customs is that a boy cannot grow taller than his father without permission. If he wants permission, he must buy the right to grow taller by giving his dad an ox.

Girls like to talk. Thats because its fun to do something youre good at! There is a scientific reason for this. A girl has shorter vocal cords than a boy, so it actually takes less effort for her to talk. As for boys their vocal cords double in length during puberty. This can make it a lot of work for them to spit something out! Guys are four times more likely than girls to have a stuttering problem. So, because many boys arent as good at talking as girls, they do less of it.