Elaine N. Aron - The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You
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First, she taught you the value of your highly sensitive nature in her bestselling classic The Highly Sensitive Person. Now, Dr. Elaine Aron is back to teach you how to utilize your sensitivity to tackle a new challenge: Parenthood.
Parenting is the most valuable and rewarding job in the world, and also one of the most challenging. This is especially true for highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive parents are unusually attuned to their children. They think deeply about every issue affecting their kids and have strong emotions, both positive and negative, in response. For highly sensitive people, parenting offers unique stressesbut the good news is that sensitivity can also be a parents most valuable asset, leading to increased personal joy and a closer, happier relationship with their child.
Dr. Elaine Aron, world-renowned author of the classic The Highly Sensitive Person and other bestselling books on the trait of high sensitivity, has written an indispensable guide for these parents. Drawing on extensive research and her own experience, she helps highly sensitive parents identify and address the implications of their heightened sensitivity, offering:
A self-examination test to help parents identify their level of sensitivity
Tools to cope with overstimulation
Advice on dealing with the negative feelings that can surround parenting
Ways to manage the increased social stimulation and interaction that comes with having a child
Techniques to deal with shyness around other parents
Insight into the five big problems that face highly sensitive parents in relationshipsand how to work through them
Highly sensitive people have the potential to be not just good parents, but great ones. Practical yet warm and positive, this groundbreaking guide will show parents how to build confidence, awareness, and essential coping skills so that theyand their childcan thrive on every stage of the parenting journey.
This book is filled with validating, healing and empowering information about how to navigate one of the most important roles of our lives while being highly sensitive. It changed my life in the most healing and empowering ways.
Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, teacher
Parenting is the most valuable and rewarding job in the world, and also one of the most challenging. This is especially true for highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive parents are unusually attuned to their children. They think deeply about every issue affecting their kids and have strong emotions, both positive and negative, in response. For highly sensitive people, parenting offers unique stressesbut the good news is that sensitivity can also be a parents most valuable asset, leading to increased personal joy and a closer, happier relationship with their child.
Dr. Elaine Aron, world-renowned author of the classic The Highly Sensitive Person and other bestselling books on the trait of high sensitivity, has written an indispensable guide for these parents. Drawing on extensive research and her own experience, she helps highly sensitive parents identify and address the implications of their heightened sensitivity, offering:
A self-examination test to help parents identify their level of sensitivity
Tools to cope with overstimulation
Advice on dealing with the negative feelings that can surround parenting
Ways to manage the increased social stimulation and interaction that comes with having a child
Techniques to deal with shyness around other parents
Insight into the five big problems that face highly sensitive parents in relationshipsand how to work through them
Highly sensitive people have the potential to be not just good parents, but great ones. Practical yet warm and positive, this groundbreaking guide will show parents how to build confidence, awareness, and essential coping skills so that theyand their childcan thrive on every stage of the parenting journey.
This book is filled with validating, healing and empowering information about how to navigate one of the most important roles of our lives while being highly sensitive. It changed my life in the most healing and empowering ways.
Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, teacher
Elaine N. Aron: author's other books
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Elaine N. Aron
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Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
I CREDIT M ARKI T ALLEY with my completion of this bookI began it in 2012! As I asked her to do, she kept me on it, slowly and patiently, but persistently. She also shouldered a great deal of the editing and formatting, as well addressing any content that needed attention.
This book would also not exist without those who, when asked in an emailed newsletter to contribute, provided sometimes extensive narrations about what it meant for them to be a highly sensitive parent. I also thank the parents (sensitive and not, so that we could compare) who took the online surveys.
I am enormously grateful for my husbands loving support throughout the high sensitivity journey, which really began in about 1990. In the case of the parenting research, we can all be grateful for his usual brilliant analysis of data and his persistence in having our parenting research published in a peer-reviewed journal. This gives further legitimacy to sensory processing sensitivity (its scientific term, a.k.a high environmental sensitivity), in this case as it appears to affect parenting.
As always, my agent Betsy Amster has been my right hand, reaching out into the world of publishing and handling all the details I would not have done well at all. My real right hand only had to sign on the dotted lines.
Three cheers for Kensington Publishing. Kensington represents a return home to where my first book, The Highly Sensitive Person , was published. This time, I have gotten to know my publisher better, finding that it is the only family-owned publisher left in North America and that it comes sixth in size, right after the Big Five conglomerates. And the group at Kensington is a true family, related or not. Most of them have been there for years, rare in publishing and most large businesses. They are there because they enjoy each other, and they have reached out to me to include me in their family in a way that feels truly different from my other publishing experiences. (When you call Kensington, a real person answers the phone!)
Thank you, Kensington, and especially Michaela Hamilton, my editor, and Jackie Dinas, whom I know well from her work in foreign sales, bringing the first book out in thirty languages (or moreIve lost count).
Finally, I thank all HSPs, although those of you who are not parents may not read this. It has been a long, extraordinary journey with you. I often say I was walking down the street, mumbling about high sensitivity to myself, and a parade formed behind me. Well, as we have found out together, there really is strength in numbersyou are roughly 20 percent of the population, and a trait like yours is found in over one hundred other species. Lets keep changing the world for the better, each on our own path, with parenting being one of the most effective ways to see that change.
Also by E LAINE N. A RON , P H .D.
The Highly Sensitive Person
The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook
The Highly Sensitive Person in Love
The Highly Sensitive Child
Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person
The Undervalued Self
The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook
The Highly Sensitive Person in Love
The Highly Sensitive Child
Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person
The Undervalued Self
About the Author
ELAINE N. ARON, P H .D., a clinical and research psychologist, is the internationally best-selling author of The Highly Sensitive Person (translated into thirty languages) and its companion books: The Highly Sensitive Parent, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love , The Highly Sensitive Child , The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook , and Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person . Credited for first recognizing high sensitivity as an innate trait and pioneering the study of HSPs since 1990, she has established the Foundation for the Study of Highly Sensitive Persons, maintains the website and online resource, www.HSPerson.com , and has published numerous scientific articles on sensitivity in the leading journals in her field. Dr. Aron earned her MA in clinical psychology from York University in Toronto, her Ph.D. in clinical depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute, and interned at the C. G. Jung Institute in San Francisco. In addition, she and her husband, Dr. Arthur Aron, are two of the leading scientists studying the psychology of love and close relationships. They are also pioneers in studying both sensitivity and love using functional magnetic resonance imaging. She lives in Marin County, California.
Source Notes
Introduction
ix reported being more attuned to their children : Aron, Elaine N., Arthur Aron, Natalie Nardone, and Shelly Zhou. Sensory Processing Sensitivity and the Subjective Experience of Parenting: An Exploratory Study. Family Relations (2019).
xi parents who achieve the best outcomes with their children : Ainsworth, Mary S. Infantmother attachment. American psychologist 34, no. 10 (1979): 932.
xii children benefited when parents were sensitive in some measurable sense, and research continues to demonstrate that: Voort, Anja van der. The importance of sensitive parenting: a longitudinal adoption study on maternal sensitivity, problem behavior, and cortisol secretion. PhD diss., Child and Family Studies, Institute of Education and Child Studies, Faculty of Social and Behavioural Sciences, Leiden University, 2014.
xii being attuned and responsive, even when setting reasonable limits : Ainsworth, 1979.
Chapter One: A Deeper Look at What It Means to Be a Highly Sensitive Parent
1 same percentage of individuals in more than one hundred species : Wolf, Max, G. Sander Van Doorn, and Franz J. Weissing. Evolutionary emergence of responsive and unresponsive personalities. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 105, no. 41 (2008): 1582515830.
1. process information more thoroughly than others : Aron, Elaine N., Arthur Aron, and Jadzia Jagiellowicz. Sensory processing sensitivity: A review in the light of the evolution of biological responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review 16, no. 3 (2012): 262282.
2 online survey of more than 1,200 English-speaking parents : Aron et al., 2019.
5 on the average, HS parents were not performing as parents quite as well as those without the trait: Branjerdporn, Grace, Pamela Meredith, Jenny Strong, and Mandy Green. Sensory sensitivity and its relationship with adult attachment and parenting styles. PloS one 14, no. 1 (2019): e0209555.
9 have supported the idea that HSPs process more deeply : Aron, Arthur, Sarah Ketay, Trey Hedden, Elaine N. Aron, Hazel Rose Markus, and John D. E. Gabrieli. Temperament trait of sensory processing sensitivity moderates cultural differences in neural response. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience 5, no. 23 (2010): 219226.
9 parts of the brain associated with deeper processing: Jagiellowicz, Jadzia, Xiaomeng Xu, Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron, Guikang Cao, Tingyong Feng, and Xuchu Weng. The trait of sensory processing sensitivity and neural responses to changes in visual scenes. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience 6, no. 1 (2010): 3847]. The task was noticing subtle differences in photos of landscape. In the more subtle task, HSPs were processing more deeply than those without the trait.
9 prior research: Hedden, Trey, Sarah Ketay, Arthur Aron, Hazel Rose Markus, and John D. E. Gabrieli. Cultural influences on neural substrates of attentional control. Psychological science 19, no. 1 (2008): 1217. Perceptual tasks were found to be more or less difficult depending on the culture a person is from. Difficulty can be measured using magnetic resonance imagery (MRI) to see how much activity or effort is happening in various parts of the brain. Chinese people, coming from a collectivist culture, find it easier to see contextthat is, whether a box with a line in it has the same or different proportions as another box with a line in it. (Amazing result, that culture affects subtle perceptual ability, yes?) The length of the line, however, is not their focus of attention, so a comparison of lengths of lines is more difficult for them to judge.
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