Table of Contents
YO, HO, HO AND THE TIME WARP TRIO!
A drop of sweat rolled off my nose and fell down toward the singing pirate. It landed right on his hat. I closed my eyes and held my breath.
He stood up, looked all around, and said, Just us three, lads. Guard our secret well. Har, har, har. And then he turned to go.
Thats when the fly decided to land on Freds nose.
Fred wrinkled his nose, blinked, and shook his head.
The fly flew.
Freds Mets cap slid right off his head, spinning down, down, down, until it landed with an awful plop right at the toe of the pirates big, black boot.
He froze. He looked at the hat. Then he looked slowly up, up, up the trunk of my tree. Our eyes met and my heart went as numb as my foot. The black pirate growled, Arrrrrrrgh, and grinned a crazy smile. I swear I saw his eyes flashing red.
Then he pulled out two pistols, aimed, and fired.
THE TIME WARPTRIO
#1: Knights of the Kitchen Table
#2: The Not-So-Jolly Roger
#3: The Good, the Bad, and the Goofy
#4: Your Mother Was a Neanderthal
#5:2095
#6: Tut, Tut
#7: Summer Reading Is Killing Me!
#8: Its All Greek to Me
#9: See You Later, Gladiator
#10: Sam Samurai
#11: Hey Kid, Want to Buy a Bridge?
#12: Viking It and Liking It
#13: Me Oh Maya
#14: Da Wild, Da Crazy, Da Vinci
For Jake
ONE
I thought you said you read The Book, said Sam.
I looked over at Sam and Fred swaying in the tops of the two coconut trees next to mine. We were thirty feet above the ground. I grabbed my tree tighter. I did, I said weakly. I closed my eyes so I couldnt see just how far up we were.
Well, what happened this time, Mr. Magic? asked Fred. We didnt even open The Book! We were just goofing around in your room. Now were making like monkeys in the tops of some trees on a deserted island.
Maybe it was something you said, said Sam.
Waves crashed on the beach. I smelled the salt air. I opened one eye to look at Sam and Fred. Sams glasses hung from one ear. Freds Mets cap was twisted backward. They did kind of look like monkeys hugging coconuts. If I hadnt been so scared, I would have laughed.
I said I read The Book. I didnt say I understood it. Oh, great, said Sam, trying to hang on to his coconut and fix his glasses at the same time. So youre telling us you dont know where we are? I looked out at the long stretch of blue ocean. The hot sun hung high in the blue sky. I tried to guess what time it might be. Where we are? I dont even know when we are.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! screamed Sam.
A red and blue parrot flew by and screeched back.
Were lost, moaned Sam. Shipwrecked. Castaways. Robinson Crusoes in time and space. We have no idea where or when we are. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Get a grip, said Fred. I wished for buried treasure. The Book sent us here. Fred started to climb down his tree. It doesnt take Einstein to figure it out. Somewhere around here theres buried treasure.
We are going to die, said Sam. Dont say I didnt warn you. Because where theres buried treasure, theres pirates. We are dead meat. Shark food.
Well, look at the bright side, said Fred. If youre dead, you wont have to go to school Monday.
Sam gave his glasses a push. Ha. Ha. Ha. Youre so funny, I forgot to laugh.
Fred started to slide down the tree trunk. Whats the big deal? We find the treasure, dig it up, Joe says the hocus-pocus stuff, and we go back home millionaires.
Well ... I said.
Whats this well? said Sam. I dont like the sound of this well.
Well, The Book says there are a lot of ways to travel in time, I said. But the only way to get back to our time is to find the person who has The Book in this time.
But what about the All-Purpose Time Warper Spell? said Fred.
I shook my head. It only works going backward. We have to find The Book to get home.
Sam knocked his head on the nearest coconut. Oh, fine. Thats just fine. I mean, that should be easy. Thanks to lame-brain treasure hunter here, there arent that many people to ask for The Book. Lets see... we could ask this coconut. We could ask that sea gull. We could ask the ocean. We could ask the ... oh, no.
Whats an ono? I asked.
Sam pointed out to the ocean.
We could just see the front of a sailing ship appearing from around the edge of the island.
Hey, it looks like a ship, said Fred.
Three guesses what kind of ship, Einstein, said Sam. And the first two dont count.
We clutched our trees and watched the front of the ship turn into what looked like a huge wooden ocean liner. Except this ocean liner had cannons. And it was flying a flag from its masta black flag with a white skull. Oh, no, said Fred.
He went back up the tree. Fast.
TWO
While the pirates drop anchor and load their rowboat, maybe I should back up and explain how we three guys happened to find ourselves up in the coconut trees and in big trouble two hundred and seventy-five years before our time. It was just a week after the last time we travelled through time. And that was more than a thousand years before this time, which is a later time if youre just reading this for the first time in your own time, which ... oh, forget it. Let me start one more time.
Last week (my time), I got a birthday present from my uncle Joe. Uncle Joe is a magician. He gave me a book. It had strange silver writing on the front that said The Book. When Fred opened The Book, it transported my two best friends (Fred and Sam) and me to King Arthurs time. We met a bunch of knights, a dragon, a giant, and stuff like that. But you can read about that some other time.
To get back to this time, the week after we got back to our time, Fred and Sam came over to my house to check out The Book again.
Ive been thinking about this time travel stuff, said Fred. And I think we should go somewhere worth our while. Fred sat on my bed, still wearing his baseball uniform, tossing his baseball up and catching it. Kids in those magic books Ive read are always so dumb. They always wish for exciting adventures or some garbage like that. And they never take anything useful with themlike a machine gun or a jet. I say we wish for a pile of money and come back millionaires.
