Table of Contents
2095
Hey buddy, whats your number? said a metal voice with a Brooklyn accent.
I think that vacuum cleaner is talking to you, said Fred.
It was floating in midair right in front of us. And Fred was right. It did look kind of like an overgrown vacuum cleaner. The robot-vacuum thing floated closer. It raised one arm and pointed something at us that looked an awful lot like a laser gun.
Dont shoot. We surrender. Take us to your leader, said Sam, holding up both hands.
Hey buddy, whats your number? Another robot arm extended a number pad at us.
Give it a number, said Sam. Quick!
I punched in my phone number.
The red light blinked three times. Wrong number.
Sam covered his head with both arms. I cant believe Im going to be zapped by a vacuum cleaner. Good-bye, cruel world.
Three, two, one, said the robot. It jetted back a bit to get us all in its sights, then pointed its weapon directly at us.
THE TIME WARP TRIO
#1: Knights of the Kitchen Table
#2: The Not-So-Jolly Roger
#3: The Good, the Bad, and the Goofy
#4: Your Mother Was a Neanderthal
#5: 2095
#6: Tut, Tut
#7: Summer Reading Is Killing Me!
#8: Its All Greek to Me
#9: See You Later, Gladiator
#10: Sam Samurai
#11: Hey Kid, Want to Buy a Bridge?
#12: Viking It and Liking It
#13: Me Oh Maya
#14: Da Wild, Da Crazy, Da Vinci
In memory of Dean Alexander E. Nagy
teacher, historian, scholar, giant
ONE
Hey buddy, whats your number? said a metal voice with a Brooklyn accent.
I think that vacuum cleaner is talking to you, said Fred.
I looked around the small room. There was an old-fashioned phone on the desk, big round glass lamps, and one of those record players with a hand crank that you see in history books. It looked like a room from a hundred years ago.
The only piece that seemed out of place was the metal thing floating in midair right in front of us. And Fred was right. It did look kind of like an overgrown vacuum cleaner.
The robot-vacuum thing floated closer. A beam of light shot out of its head and swept over us from head to toe.
Hey buddy, whats your number?
It was the vacuum talking, said Fred.
I dont think thats a vacuum, Sam whispered. Ill bet its a police robot. And now its going to blast us with its death laser if we dont give it our numbers.
I dont understand, I said. We tapped the magic square to go one hundred years into the future. But except for the robot, it looks like weve gone one hundred years into the past.
Sam rolled his eyes. What a surprise. Weve never had any trouble with The Book before.
The droid floated closer. Its metal voice sounded meaner now.
Hey buddy, whats your number?
Lets run for it, said Sam.
We moved left. The robot moved left.
We moved right. The robot moved right.
Joe, youre the magician, said Fred. Talk to it. Show it a trick. Give it some dust balls to suck up.
I didnt know exactly what to say to a robot, but I figured a trick might impress it.
Hello Mr. Vacuumor RobotGuy. Have you ever seen a human bend metal? I took a quarter out of my pocket and tapped it on the table. Solid, right? I held it out in front of me, at opposite edges, between the tips of my thumbs and forefingers. Observe.
A little red light on the robots head blinked.
I wiggled the quarter back and forth until it looked like it was bending. Now Ill straighten it out. I stopped and pretended to press the quarter flat. Pretty amazing, huh?
The red light on the robots head blinked twice. It raised one arm and pointed something at us that looked an awful lot like a laser gun.
Dont shoot. We surrender. Take us to your leader, said Sam, holding up both hands.
Hey buddy, whats your number? Another robot arm extended a number pad at us.
Give it a number, said Sam. Quick!
I punched in my phone number.
The red light blinked three times. Wrong number.
Fred kicked the back of the robot. Maybe we can knock out its power.
The red light blinked three times. You got five seconds, buddy.
Sam covered his head with both arms. I cant believe Im going to be zapped by a vacuum cleaner. Good-bye, cruel world.
Three, two, one, said the robot. It jetted back a bit to get us all in its sights, then pointed its weapon directly at us.
TWO
But before the Time Warp Trio meets its end by vacuum cleaner, let me freeze time, then go back in time to explain how we got to this time.
It was all our teachers fault. It was Mr. Chesters brainstorm to take our class on a field trip to the American Museum of Natural History To learn about how to live in the future from how people used to live in the past. Thats what he said. Honest. We had to write it down on our Museum Worksheet.
Now dont get me wrong. I love the Museum. Its one of the best places in New York City. Theyve got a prehistoric alligator skull thats bigger than you, a herd of charging stuffed elephants, and a car with a hole in it from where it got bashed by a meteorite. If you sit close enough to the animal exhibits, it feels like youre right in the jungle or the mountain or the desert. And on hot summer days I like to go sit under the blue whale hanging from the ceiling in the ocean life room. Its blue, and quiet, and cool. And it has an excellent pack of killer whales.
But going to the museum on a class trip is a whole different story. You cant go look at the war clubs in the Iroquois longhouse. You cant hang around the stuffed gorillas. And you can never check out the rubber ants in the gift shop. You always have to stay together and answer the questions on the dreaded Museum Worksheet.
So there we werestanding under the huge Barosaurus skeleton in the museum lobby with our whole class, listening to Mr. Chester.
... which some people didnt even believe existed. Does anyone know its name? It says Barosaurus on the plaque. Right. Now well go in and look at the exhibits that show how people lived from 1890 up to 1990. Take a look and think about what things have changed in a hundred years. Stay together. You can either take notes for your worksheet or write out the complete answers as we go. Questions? No, you cannot check out the rubber ants in the gift shop.
