Carole Fleet - When Bad Things Happen to Good Women: Getting You (or Someone You Love) Through the Toughest Times

WHEN
BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO

GOOD
WOMEN

WHEN
BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO

GOOD
WOMEN

G ETTING Y OU
( OR S OMEONE Y OU L OVE )
T HROUGH THE T OUGHEST T IMES

CAROLE BRODY FLEET

Copyright 2016 by Carole Brody Fleet.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC,
101 Hudson Street, Thirty-Seventh Floor, Suite 3705, Jersey City, NJ 07302.

Printed in the United States.
Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink
Text design: Frank Wiedemann
First Edition.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-63228-016-9

E-book ISBN: 978-1-63228-030-5

Authors Note

All suggestions regarding medical, financial and legal subject matter are based upon the information, belief and personal opinions of Carole Brody Fleet and non-compensated contributors only and should not be construed as directed advice. The ideas, suggestions and procedures contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for expert assistance. Any application of the recommendations set forth in this book is at the readers discretion and sole risk.

The third-person stories, anecdotes and quotations contained in the book are authored by non-compensated contributors, and permission has been granted to reprint their contributions. Stories have been edited in the interest of space, grammar, continuity and privacy. Bracketed additions have been made for the sole purposes of privacy protection, continuity, grammar and/or subject matter clarification.

Actual names have been used, except where otherwise indicated by an* that a pseudonym selected by a contributor has been used at the contributors request in the interest of privacy protection and/or for safety and security reasons. With the exception of well-known public figures or those who have otherwise given specific permission, last names have been excluded in the interest of privacy and for safety reasons.

All stories contained herein are the exclusive property of the author, the publisher and the various contributors who have consented to the use of their stories and are subject to all copyright protections therein.

Dedication

This book is lovingly dedicated to:

All of the inspiring women who so bravely and generously shared their stories of adversity, determination and courage. Your spirit of sharing in an effort to help others is to be greatly admired.

Rabbi Harold Kushner
Your vision has helped millions and continues to do so today. Thank you for helping to inspire this book and for lighting the path of healing for so many who have suffered their own bad thingsincluding yours truly.

Eilene Clinkenbeard
For being Mama to a writer-chick, and for allowing me to share your Momisms with a smile (and a few out-loud laughs).

Kendall Leah Brody, Michelle Louise Stansbury and Natasha Tillett Slayton You are each my light and my inspiration, my joy and my reason. Mommy loves you very much.

Dave Stansbury
To my partner in life and in lovethank you for proving that no bad thing is forever, that good things are always just around the corner, and for Drive How You Drivethe wisest words ever spoken. I love you very much.

Elvin Clink Clinkenbeard (1923-2001) and Michael Fleet, Sr. (1945-2000) You both give me strength and fill me with warm memories every day. I honor you both, and I love you forever.

Table of Contents

Prologue

L ET S FACE IT AS WOMEN OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, OUR COLLECTIVE plates are pretty full.

We are movers, shakers and possibility-makers in a world that would be lost without our influence and contributions, both large and small. Most of us work, be it out in the world, for ourselves or in our households as wives and/ or mothers. We have relationships of all manner. We volunteer in an effort to make the world a better place. We see suffering and we strive to fix it, whether it is skinned knees or starving populations. We live abundantly and love without condition. We are breadwinners, parents, partners, girlfriends

All in all, we are pretty awesome.

Unfortunately though, all the awesomeness in the world does not prevent one very stark reality: Bad things happen to women.

Really bad things happen to really good women doing really good things in an ever-more-challenging world.

Chances are excellent that at some point in your life, you or someone you know has experienced some kind of misfortune. Perhaps you lost a loved one. Maybe you lost a job, a home or are going through a divorce. And what about the some of the other core-shakerssuch as you or someone you love being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, your financial security being threatened or destroyed, becoming a victim of a violent crime or discovering that you have been cheated on or otherwise betrayed.

Yes, bad things indeed happen to good womenthings that no one deserves to experience. The question is, what do you do when those bad things invade your life or the lives of those you love? How do you move forward? Where do you start? How do you even begin to recover? What does your future look like, especially when it is likely not the future that you originally planned?

You are about to get the answers to all of these questions and a whole lot more.

The purpose of this book is actually two-fold. The book is first intended for those who are experiencing, or have experienced, their own bad-thing challenge(s) of a lifetime. As you read, you will discover a wide variety of some of the most common life challenges and situations with which women cope. You will be reading actual stories shared by real women who were faced with challenges that forever changed their lives. You will be taken through very common thought and reaction processes that we all tend to go through when presented with adversity. Best of all, you will learn how all of these women eventually overcame their respective bad things, and you will gain fantastic insight as to what to do should you find yourself in the same or similar situations.

The second purpose of the book is for those who know someone who has been touched by serious challenge or adversity. In my many years as a grief recovery expert, I have heard the phrase I just dont know what to say/ what to do/how to act over and over again,. Since direction for the I-Just-Dont-Knows is almost as important as it is for those directly affected by bad things, you are going to find wonderful ideas and suggestions as to what to say and doand perhaps even more importantly, what never to say or dowhen someone you know and love is dealing with a bad thing. Definite Dos are packed full of suggestions and action items to help your mother, daughter, sister, cousin, girlfriend, best friend and any and all women in your life deal with their personal bad things in positive and uplifting ways. The Without a DoubtDont quotes that you see within each chapter are all actual quotes that should never be used to anyone going through that particular bad thing.

Naturally, it is impossible to include every single bad thing that may cross our paths throughout our lives in one book. As one radio show host noted during an interview, This book could easily become another World Book Encyclopediaand he was not wrong in his observation. While it is impossible to include every bad thing, what is included are real-life situations and scenarios for which women are seeking help, advice, guidance andmost importantlyhope for a promising future.