Anita Lustrea - What Women Tell Me: Finding Freedom from the Secrets We Keep

L ISTENING TO A NITA ON THE RADIO awakens something deep in your soul. You sense you could bare your soul to this wise, warm woman. You sense she really cares.

Its not an act. She really does care. When Moody Radio celebrated Anitas twenty-fifth anniversary with their ministry, friends lined up at the mike. Over and over, one theme prevailed. Anita has been a voice for the voiceless: for the lonely, for the abused woman, for the starving child, for the victim of racial injustice, and for the Christian woman who bears the shame of divorce, even though she fought valiantly to save her marriage.

When my husband and the father of our five children died of cancer, our youngest daughter said, I dont really like being around people who havent suffered. Because Anita has suffered, she understands suffering. Now, for the first time, she shares her storya story that transformed her heart and therefore her radio ministry. As she writes:

When I cried out to Jesus, I was a broken heap in the middle of my kitchen floor. I didnt know where to turn, and in that moment I realized that if I, the host of a radio talk show helping women change and learn and grow and go deeper with God, didnt know where to turn, we had a problem.

Anita has repeatedly taken risks, breaking down the fences many erected to keep her in. How I loved Larry Crabbs description of her: a penned-up filly yearning for freedom. He told her it was time to leap over the fence. She has. She is, indeed, akin to a beautiful galloping horse. May her freedom set you free!

Interspersed between the pages of Anitas story are testimonies from women who identify with her pain and yearn to be free. Theres a legion of hurting Christian women out thereand theyve found solace in Anita.

But Anita is not only a caring but a wise friend. Jesus heard her cry and came to her rescue as the Wonderful Counselor he is. Because of her position, and because of the enormous success of Midday Connection, Anita has access to a continual stream of wise and caring authors, speakers, pastors, and counselors. She reads constantly, voraciously, and discerninglyand now does us the favor of recommending the cream of the crop in counsel, books, and movies. The truth will, indeed, set you freeand Anita offers it to you.

Dee Brestin

Author of The God of All Comfort

and The Friendships of Women

I N MY TEN-PLUS YEARS OF HOSTING Midday Connection, a live radio program heard around the country on the Moody Radio Network, countless women have opened up and shared intimate secrets with me. On one level Im flattered to be entrusted with these stories. On the other hand, Im saddened, as I often get the feeling that Im the only one who has ever been entrusted with these secrets.

My interaction with these stories has changed me in every imaginable way. From the way I think about God to the way I relate to my husband, to the way I raise my son, to the way I engage as a woman in the workplace, to the way Ive dealt with my divorce. As you hear my story interwoven with the comments of other women, youll hear your story too, and I hope you will realize youre not alone. I might be the voice for other women, but your voices have helped me know Im not alone.

Confessing secrets is rarely pretty, but always freeing. And there appears to be a need for freedom among women in the church. There is a sickness of soul, and it is epidemic. The root cause is the secrets we carry. We are bound up with our secretsthe kind of secrets that weigh us down and keep us from being all God intended us to be.

So how do we confess and, maybe more important, where do we confess our secrets? If we dont answer that fundamental question, the bleeding will never stop. My overflowing inbox at Midday Connection tells me that confession is not happening in the local church, at least not to the extent Id like to see. The problem doesnt lie solely with the church. We have to learn to risk in relationship, to dive more deeply into community. There is distance between those in the body of Christ. We have far too many people coexisting in the church and not enough people interacting on a deeper relational level.

I hope youll consider getting a group of women together to read through What Women Tell Me and discuss the issues presented. As you begin to share your secrets with one another, you will deepen your relationships and build trust. Some caution must be present as you put a group together, however. Not all small groups are created equal, and not all small groups are safe places to share the deepest hurts weve experienced. In chapter 1 I give guidelines for forming a safe group. If you are unable to join or gather a group like this, please use the discussion questions as personal reflection questions instead. The deeper issues that women deal withthat you are probably dealing withneed extra time for reflection and journaling.

As a woman, I saw modeled at home and at church how to keep quiet, how to sweep the truth under the rug. I learned how to apply a Band-Aid, and I nearly hemorrhaged to death because surgery was what was needed. I didnt learn how to ask for help, and I certainly didnt learn how to tell the truth about what was really going wrong. I learned how to make nice and keep the peace.

Ive spent my lifetime unlearning that message. When I cried out to Jesus, I was a broken heap in the middle of my kitchen floor. I didnt know where to turn, and in that moment I realized that if I, the host of a radio talk show helping women change and learn and grow and go deeper with God, didnt know where to turn, we had a problem.

Id been telling women to turn to Jesus, but in my moment of need I wasnt sure hed meet me there. I prayed the prayer Id learned from Larry Crabb: Lord, I know youre all that I have, but I dont know you well enough for you to be all that I need. God answered my prayer and met me in the middle of my mess and helped me learn how to speak up, confront, bind up the wounded, including myself, and develop a community around me that is safe, where I can speak my mind and share how I truly feel. Ive seen the importance of that group, that community, in helping me figure out what Im feeling, even when I dont know myself. Ive grown up into an adult, even though Ive been of adult age for many years. And I finally learned, as an adult, the value of female friendships and the richness they bring to life.

Ive been in Christian radio for over twenty-five years now, and Ive been singing and speaking to women for even longer. Ive been a follower of Christ for over forty years. Ive been taught theology in church, in Sunday school, vacation Bible school, youth group, and Bible college. But it meant nothing until life served up situations where I had to discover what I really believed about God. Ive surrounded myself with good people who have good theology, but at the end of the day, its my theology that I have to hold on to. My beliefs about God will carry me through or leave me wanting. In the thick of things, we discover what stuck when we were sitting in those classrooms, what we truly digested and claimed as our own.

The process of growth for me has been filled with pauses and spurts. I suppose its like that for many believers. Important things take a long time to learn. Its taken me twenty-five years to find and develop my voice, and the greater part of those twenty-five years to come to a place of wholeness. I wouldnt be so bold as to say that I have