Tom Holladay - Love-Powered Parenting: Loving Your Kids the Way Jesus Loves You

I love being a dad. The two most difficult times of spiritual discouragement in my life have been when we were told we may not be able to have children (God had different plans) and when we saw our first child leave home for college. Maybe its that I wanted to improve on a less-than-perfect relationship with my dad; maybe its an appreciation for Gods miracle of creation; or maybe its the deep sense of fulfillment that comes when things go rightI love being a dad.

I love being a mom. Long before Tom and I were engaged, while still in college, I thought through the whole issue of whether I should even have children or not. It was in the day of much discussion about the population explosion, and many people were questioning whether it was right to bring a child into our mixed-up, overcrowded world. There were many children around the world (as there are now) needing adoption. I had an innate desire to get married and raise a family, but I intentionally took a step back and questioned the true purpose and reason behind my desire. At least for a moment, I was willing to consider sacrificing my plans andmy desire (which I believed were God-given) unless there was a significant purpose or outcome of having my own children.

Tom and I were taking a class in discipleship at college. As I thought and prayed through this issue, I realized that having children was the ultimate discipleship experience. To take a human being from scratch and seek to love, nurture, mold, and change them, cooperating with God to guide them to become conformed to Christs image, was the perfect opportunity for intense discipleship training. The fact that God could use me, imperfect as I was and knowing I would be an imperfect parent, to contribute toward populating his world with true disciples was a thrilling opportunity.

Great risks were involved in this ultimate discipleship project, as is true in any discipleship relationship. There was the possibility I would invest my life for years, only to have my child choose not to follow God. It was a risk I was willing to take.

We love being parents! This encouragement resource for parents is written out of that love. Yes, there are experiences in parenting that can cause deep hurt. Yes, there are realities in parenting that certainly will cause a person to feel inept. Yet at the core of it all, there is deep gratefulness for the gift God gives in the opportunity to love a child, as well as great appreciation for the grace God gives to grow in our parenting.

We say with great apprehension that this book is intended to be a biblical guide to parenting. The apprehension comes not from the truth of the Bible but from the heavy-handed or trite way we sometimes express this truth. When it comes to difficult issues like parenting, we know we dont have all the answers and can hope that if we shout Bible verses loud enough, it will seem like we do!

By biblical guide, we mean these pages are intended to take all of us on a journey through what Gods Word has to say about parenting. Our main goal will not be to uncover psychological truths about our children at their particular age and stage. Dont mistake our meaning. We firmly believe that psychology and educational theory have much to teach us about parenting. Yet it is the simple and profound principles of Gods Word that help us distinguish psychological truth from error, educational reality from untested theory.

Neither will our goal be centered only on practical tips for every circumstance. There are already many good resources on such things as how to get kids to eat their green beans without sticking them up their noses and how to get your children through a cross-state car ride to Grandmas without destroying your sanity. While we cannot write about parenting without grasping this bull by the horn (or green bean by the end), well be looking at these tips within the broader context of Gods principles for parenting.

On a personal note, if we are ever going to write a book about parenting, now is the time. Luke, our third of three children, is leaving home for college in the year we are writing this, and our first grandchild will be born by the time it is completed. So, while we still face the daily realities of parenting and before we move completely into the blissfully and intentionally less complicated world of grandparenting, our love for children and for parents and families makes this writing a true calling for us.

Every line in this book is essentially written by both of us because of our influence on each other over the years of parenting. However, for simplicitys sake, Toms voice will lead us through the main portions of each chapter, and Chaundels voice will close each chapter with a brief response. So if you want the greatest wisdom, just read the responses at the end! (Tom wrote that last sentence.)

Youll notice that the book is written as a thirty-day journey. We tend to learn more by reading thirty short segments over thirty days than by sitting down to absorb something in just one or two readings. Besides, as a parent you only have time for a short daily reading! We encourage you to read one chapter a day over thirty days; reading these chapters together as parents would be even better. If youre a single parent, find a friend who will read along with you and meet for coffee or at the park once a week to talk about what God is saying to you.

The principles in this book are based on the six principles of love modeled in the life of Jesusprinciples I explored in my book The Relationship Principles of Jesus. In reading through the Gospels again and again with a mind toward what Jesus did and said about relationships, these principles were clear.

RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE #1: Place the Highest Value on Relationships

The most important command is this: Listen, people of Israel! The Lord our God is the only Lord. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second command is this: Love your neighbor as you love yourself. There are no commands more important than these.

MARK 12:2931 NCV

RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE #2: Love as Jesus Loves You

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

JOHN 13:34

RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE #3: Communicate from the Heart

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

MATTHEW 12:34

RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE #4: As You Judge, You Will Be Judged

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

MATTHEW 7:12

RELATIONSHIP PRINCIPLE #5: