John Taylor - Pocket Guide for Young Men without Fathers: Important Life Lessons

Copyright 2018 by John G. Taylor and Ira Somers

Excerpt from No Excuses University reprinted with permission from TurnAround Schools Publishing.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Interior illustrations by Ravindu Tharanga and Saman Chinthaka Weerasinghe

Cover design by Rain Saukas

Cover photograph: iStockphoto

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-2397-9

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-2398-6

Printed in the United States of America

T his book is dedicated to all single moms of boys, especially Sharon Dyer, single mother of triplets. And to ShoShana Skates, who planted the seed for this book. Moms have the hardest job in the world. Hang in there and be patient, loving, and supportive of your sons because the results could be most rewarding. We sincerely hope this book helps you raise your boys.

Introduction

Dear Son,

We are sorry that your father is not in your life. We, the two authors, may not know you, but we care about you. That is why weve spent over three years and many, many hours working on this book. It is for you, Son, because we want what is best for you. We also want you to be safe and to have the chance to live the life you want for yourself. We hope our words help you become the man you want to be.

Part I

The Journey

If Your Father Were Here, What He Would Say

He would say these ten things:

Youre amazing.

Youre going to change the world.

Be there for your children.

Get an education.

Find some great friends.

Trust your mother.

Love yourself.

Believe in the power greater than yourself.

I love you.

I miss you.

Walk with Confidence

No matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it.

Tupac Shakur

H ow you walk says a lot about you. When you walk with confidence you will change how you feel about yourselfand how others see you. Thats why you should walk with your head up. Dont look down at the ground. Keep your body straight and shoulders back. People will see that you feel good about yourself.

Walk with purpose and like you own your space. Owning your space means believing that where you are is where you are meant to be. When you walk, pick up your feet and do not drag them across the floor.

Even people with important jobs might not feel confident, but you wouldnt know it. They walk with confidence and act like they own their space. Here is a story about a woman who thought she was not good enough to do her job. She pretended she was confident. See what happened.

When Amy Cuddy was a teenager, she was in a bad car accident. She flew out of the car as it rolled and rolled. Her brain was damaged. Doctors told her she would not be able to finish school. She did not want to listen. She worked extra hard and finished.

Later, she got a job teaching at Princeton University. That is one of the best universities in the world. But she felt like she was not smart enough to be there because of her injury years ago. The day before she was to start teaching, she tried to quit. Her boss said, No way. Just go in tomorrow and fake being great. Amy had no choice. She decided to fake being great like her boss said. She walked in with her head high and pretended to know what she was doing, pretended to know the answers, and pretended to give the best lectures (talks). She did this every day and her students saw her as a great professor. One day Amy realized that she did not feel like she was faking it anymore. She faked it until she became it.

Today, she is a professor at Harvard University, another world-class university. She is also a social psychologist. She helps people gain the confidence to be the best they can be. Her talk on TED.com has been watched over 37 million times!

Respect Your Mother and Other Women

Every girl is somebodys sister. Or somebodys mother. Or somebodys daughter.

Tom Tag

R especting your mother and other women is very important. You respect your mother by doing what she tells you to do. You also respect her by not talking back or arguing with her. And you show respect by honoring her and not calling her names.

John shares his own fathers advice.

I recall my father talking with me and my brothers about respecting my mother, sisters, and other women. He said we need to respect and value women. They have a hard job raising sons without the fathers around. Many moms feel stressed and overwhelmed. They also talk about the joy of seeing their sons become men. My dad told us to tell our mother that we loved and appreciated her every day. I am telling you to do this too. Every day, let your mother know that you love her and are thankful for what she does for you.

Here is how you show respect to other women. If they are older than you, say Yes, maam or No, maam when you answer them. Know that its never OK to hit a girl or woman. You may have a disagreement and get angry with your girlfriend or wife. Often times, this leads to an argument. That is OK. Just keep your hands to yourself.

Also remember that words can hurt deeply. Be careful what you say to your girl and what you say to and about other girls or women. When you treat women with respect, you cant go wrong... unlike what happened to Amir in the next story.

One night Amir and Zakee were hanging out. They passed a basketball back and forth and walked the neighborhood. They told funny stories and talked about movies, friends, basketball, and girls. Amir told Zakee about this new girl he had and how much he liked her. He talked about how hot she looked and said things about her body. Zakee smiled and nodded. Oh yeah, Zakee said and slapped Amirs hand.

Man, there she is! Amir said, pointing to a girl standing outside a McDonalds. Zakee stopped smiling.

Yo, thats my sister, Zakee said.

Amir stopped walking. He wished he had not said those things about her. Man, I didnt know Domonique was your sister.

Zakee thought for a minute. You know, every girl is somebodys sister. Or somebodys mother. Or somebodys daughter. Later that night, Zakee told his sister to leave Amir and find another guy.