Martha Davis - Assertiveness: Chapter Singles

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Martha Davis Assertiveness: Chapter Singles

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Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

The material in chapter 13 that is based upon the work of Michelle G. Craske and David H. Barlows Master Your Anxiety and Worry, 2nd ed. (2006) pages 99109 is used by permission of Oxford University Press.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2008 by Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, and Matthew McKay

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

All Rights Reserved

ePub ISBN: 9781608820702

Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer; Cover design by Amy Shoup;

Edited by Kayla Sussell


The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as:

Davis, Martha, 1947

The relaxation and stress reduction workbook / Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, and Matthew McKay. -- 6th ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-549-5 (pbk. : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-57224-549-2 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Stress management. 2. Relaxation. I. Eshelman, Elizabeth Robbins. II. McKay, Matthew. III. Title.

RA785.D374 2008

616.98--dc22

2008003637

Praise for The Relxation and Stress Reduction Workbook This comprehensive - photo 1

Praise for The Relxation and Stress Reduction Workbook:

This comprehensive workbook deserves to be in the library of every active therapist, but it shouldnt be left on the shelf! Once again, the authors have empowered the reader with straightforward instructions on every major approach to stress management known. From worry to chronic headaches to information overload, here is your one-stop guide to recovery.

R. Reid Wilson, Ph.D., author of Dont Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks

This text remains, after twenty years, the clearest, best-organized, and most readable book on stress management. It has achieved the status of the classic self-help reference in the field.

Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D., author of The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, Coping with Anxiety, and Beyond Anxiety and Phobia

An exemplary book on stress. It is lucidly written, rationally ordered, and comprehensive, and each section is densely packed with instructions and exercises which make the workbook easy to practice.

Somatics Magazine: Journal of the Mind/Body Arts and Sciences

Assertiveness In this chapter you will learn to Evaluate your current - photo 2

Assertiveness

In this chapter you will learn to:

  • Evaluate your current patterns of communication
  • Differentiate between aggressive, passive, and assertive styles of communication
  • Examine mistaken traditional assumptions and your assertive rights
  • Express your feelings and opinions, set limits, and initiate change
  • Use nonverbal assertive communication
  • Listen assertively
  • Avoid manipulation
Background

Andrew Salter (1949) initially described assertiveness as a personality trait. It was thought that some people had it, and some people didnt, just like extroversion or stinginess. But Wolpe (1958) and Lazarus (1966) redefined assertiveness as expressing personal rights and feelings. They found that nearly everybody could be assertive in some situations, and yet be totally ineffectual in others. The goal of assertiveness training is to increase the number and variety of situations in which assertive behavior is possible, and decrease occasions of passive collapse or hostile blowup.

You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated. Beyond just demanding your rights, assertiveness implies that you can: express your personal likes and interests spontaneously; talk about yourself without being self-conscious; accept compliments comfortably; disagree with someone openly; ask for clarification; and you can say no. In short, when you are an assertive person, you can be more relaxed in interpersonal situations.

Some people think that assertiveness training turns nice people into irascible complainers or calculating manipulators. Not so. Its your right to protect yourself when something seems unfair. You are the one who best understands your discomfort levels and your essential needs.

How you interact with people can be a source of major stress. Assertiveness training can reduce that stress by teaching you to stand up for your legitimate rights, without bullying others or allowing them to bully you. You can use assertive communication to reduce conflict and build strong, supportive relationships.

Before reading any further, write down how you would typically respond to the following problem situations:

  1. You finish shopping in the market, and after you walk out you discover that the change is three dollars short.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

  2. You order a rare steak and it arrives medium-well done.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

  3. Youre giving a friend a lift to a meeting. The friend keeps puttering around for half an hour and you realize that you will arrive late for the meeting.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

  4. Youve been looking forward all week to seeing a particular movie, and your companion informs you that he or she wants to see a different movie.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

  5. Youre relaxing watching TV after a long, hard day. Your spouse pops in, list in hand, and says, I thought youd never get here. Quick, go out and pick up these things from the store.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

  6. While you wait for the clerk to finish with the customer ahead of you, another customer comes in and the clerk starts to wait on him before you.

    I would:

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

    __________________________________________________

After you have written down what you would do in these problem situations, set your responses aside. They will be put to use shortly.

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