Joanne Kimes - Planning Your Wedding Sucks: What to do when place cards, plus ones, and paying two grand for a cake make you miserable

PLANNING
YOUR
Wedding
SUCKS

What to do when
place cards, plus ones, and
paying two grand for a cake
make you miserable

JOANNE KIMES & ELENA DONOVAN MAUER

Copyright 2011 by Joanne Kimes
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are
made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-4405-0203-X
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0203-3
eISBN 10: 1-4405-0910-7
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0910-0

Printed in the United States of America.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kimes, Joanne.
Planning your wedding sucks / Joanne Kimes and Elena Donovan Mauer.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4405-0203-3
ISBN-10: 1-4405-0203-X
ISBN-13: 978-1-4405-0910-0 (ebk)
ISBN-10: 1-4405-0910-7 (ebk)
1. Weddings Planning. 2. Wedding etiquette. I. Mauer, Elena Donovan.
II. Title.
HQ745.K456 2010
395.22 dc22
2010038807

Note paper istockphoto.com/evigen

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

Dedication

To every woman whos always thought being engaged would be magical when sometimes, its pretty damn awful. And to everyone whos been accused of being a diva, a Bridezilla, a cheapskate, a Little Miss Picky, a vacant fiance, or a not-quite-good-enough soon-to-be daughter-in-law and was really just trying to make herself, and everyone else she knows and loves, happy for one sweet day.

Other Books in the Sucks Series

Bedtime Sucks

Breastfeeding Sucks

Christmas Sucks

Divorce Sucks

Grammar Sucks

Menopause Sucks

Potty Training Sucks Pregnancy

Sucks Pregnancy Sucks for Men

Teenagers Suck

Acknowledgments

Many thanks to brilliant agent Molly Lyons, whip-smart editor Meredith OHayre, and writing partner Joanne Kimes. Without you wonderful ladies, this book would not exist and plenty of engaged women would be left wondering why theyre stress-eating when theyre supposed to be on cloud nine.

I also would like to mention the amazing magazine and web editors and writers who taught me everything I know about writing about the bridal industry you all know who you are! But really, I wouldnt have a clue about what brides want to know without the hundreds of real women who, over the years, let me interview them, answered my questionnaires and Facebook posts, and vented to me about wedding planning over Pinot Grigio. Your feedback and stories were inspiration for every page of this book (and yup, some of it is actually quoted gold stars to those peeps!).

I, of course, have to thank my husband Anthony for suggesting we get married (and following through with it). Engagement and marriage have, at times, made me want to pull out my hair, but being with you every day makes it all worth it. Thank you also to Ryan if you werent such a good baby, I would have never gotten this thing written. You both make me laugh every day.

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Introduction

Congratulations, youre engaged! You can now look down at your ring finger and see an actual diamond instead of an empty patch of skin where you once dreamed some bling would someday live. Whether its a result of love at first sight or an ultimatum (Im just being realistic here), you finally got your man to propose! I hope it was a romantic story that youll share with your grandkids, like something that youd see in a Reese Witherspoon movie, where your guy picked an ultra-romantic location and a fabulous Tiffany setting. But even if he popped the question in full face paint after his team won the big game, you still have the man, the ring, and Here Comes the Bride stuck in your head. Youve made the important leap from girlfriend to fiance and I encourage you to enjoy the elation while it lasts.

Now back to reality. Once your guy gets up from bended knee and the reality of planning the wedding sets in, its all downhill. Theres a whole yellow snowball of stress coming your way and it could get out of control pretty damn fast. The stress can come in many forms: the so-called compliments your former sorority sisters make about your so-little-its-adorable! diamond, the newfound battles you and your fianc have over everything from the guest list (former friends with benefits need not RSVP) to the wine list (I dont care if his mother drinks Arbor Mist, she can live with chardonnay for the day), the caterer who promises you filet but delivers Hamburger Helper, your mothers hissy fit because you want to buy a new dress instead of wearing what could only be called her wedding muu-muu, and, well, just about everything else!

But fortunately, thats where this book comes in. For the last eight years, Ive been writing for and editing bridal publications, and Ive learned quite a bit about planning a wedding without name calling or runaway brides. But unlike the magazines and books that make planning a bash that looks like it sprung from the pages of Martha Stewart look easy, I dont promise that your wedding planning will be stress free. Even I, a so-called expert, had my own set-backs and tribulations. After planning my dream wedding, my husband got called up by the military reserves he was being sent to the Middle East for an indefinite amount of time. We quickly cancelled everything and got hitched at City Hall two days later. When Mr. Wonderful came home, I pulled together a more conventional bash with its share of complexities in just a few months. As a result, I know a thing or two about losing deposits, making compromises, the bridesmaid from hell, and big day emergencies. Honestly, planning your wedding can suck. But with the tips in this book, and several cocktails along the way, it will suck a whole lot less.

CHAPTER 1

Youre Engaged!(Its All Downhill from Here)

Ive heard this many times: Im engaged. Now what? In fact, I once got an e-mail from a relative in another state telling me that her daughter was engaged and asking me to e-mail her back and tell her everything she needed to know. What I wanted to say was, Um... Ive written about wedding planning for the better part of a decade now spent my 9-to-5 on this stuff day in and day out. There are entire magazines that come out monthly and websites that are updated daily with information about planning a wedding. And you want me to sum it up in an e-mail... really?! If I thought that was actually possible, I would have written that e-mail years ago, had it published, and then twiddled my thumbs while collecting paychecks! (But I didnt say that.) My point here is this: Theres a lot to do: a lot of researching and a lot to take into consideration. Knowing where to start is not exactly self-explanatory.

So heres the fit-in-an-e-mail version of your first three steps:

1. Form a vision for your wedding.

2. Set your budget and decide how youll spend it.

3. Find the right help to get all this crap done.

Do nothing else until youve done these three things. Heres how.

JACKIE AND JOHN OR COURTNEY AND KURT?