Joanne Kimes - Christmas Sucks: What to Do When Fruitcake, Family, and Finding the Perfect Gift Make You Miserable

If you've had the courage to pick up this book, I applaud you. I'm sure there are plenty of holiday shoppers who'll read the title and think a book called Christmas Sucks is blasphemous. They'll think I deserve a one-way ticket straight to H-E-double toothpicks. I know this because my husband felt the same way when I told him that I'd be writing it. In fact, I was sure my next book would be entitled Divorce Sucks because of the all-out battles we had on the subject. It's not even that he's a deeply religious man. It's just that he believes that certain things should never be mocked.

I tried in vain to convince him that this book isn't about religion. It doesn't tease or put anyone down, except the generic mother-in-law because that's simply a given. In fact, one of the main points of this book is that we've lost the true meaning of Christmas somewhere between the Santa head Pez dispensers and the nativity scene made in the likeness of The Simpsons.

Besides, I'm no idiot. I realize that religion is a personal issue and as controversial as gay marriage, stem cell research, or who the heck Carly Simon's secret lover is in her song, You're So Vain. I wouldn't dare debate such a heated topic, even though doing so may prove worthy of a guest appearance on the Today show. Instead, I choose to focus this book on the variety of overwhelming stresses that surrounds the holidays, and how to survive each one with your sanity, your family, and your bank account intact. True, with a book like this, I doubt Matt Lauer will beg me to come to Rockefeller Plaza, but at least I don't have to spend an eternity in hell. I tend to get cranky when I'm overheated.

So, if you've dared to read my book this far, perhaps you'll take a chance and read it further. If you're like me and dread the holidays despite the homemade cookies and that great version of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen, then this is the book for you. In it, you'll find dozens of tips on how to get through the holidays with enough Christmas spirit left over to bring a smile to your face. And, for no extra cost, you'll realize there's no shame in dreading the holidays and that there's nothing blasphemous about it. If you go to hell, it'll be your own damn fault.

So here's to all that is good and true and right about the holidays. I hope that with everything you learn from this book, yours will be a stress-free holiday so you can focus on what this most sacred day in Christianity is all about: Peace on Earth, good will toward men, and that great Bruce Springsteen song!