Parker Long - Fold in the Cheese: An Unofficial Guide to Splendiferous Entertaining for Fans of Schitts Creek

FOLD IN THE CHEESE.

Copyright 2022 by Hollan Publishing. A ll rights reserved.

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Andrew s McMeel Publishing

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ISB N: 978-1-5248-8195-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022933959

Illustrat ions by Joanna Price

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Parker Long is a freelance writer and devoted fan of all things Dan Levy, although she skews more toward Stevie in her everyday encounters. She lives with her partner and their cat, Moira, in upstate New York.

Whether theyre throwing ostentatious soires or Valium-fueled tantrums, entertaining a crowd (or sometimes just Stevie) is wha t the Roses do best!
Let their sagacious advice and biting wit wash over you with Fold in the Cheese. This splendiferous compilation of tips, recipes, scene references, and party-planning peccadillos takes its inspiration from the wise and worldly owners of the best little town in... Canad a? Probably Canada.

Learn how to put on a proper games night, host a holiday party, and organize your own movie premiere, all while balancing your caviar dreams with your disappointingly dairy-filled reality. Folded in among these careful instructions are a smattering of delicious Rose-family-inspired food and cocktail recipes you can whip up for guests. Make this years murder-mystery night a memorable one with your signature Crime of Passion cocktail. Master the grill with Hundred-Dollar Sliders. Surprise your inamorata with a delectable Chocolate Ganache Torte Cake. This illustrious tome gives you everything you need to make your even ts... memorable.

Best wishes for your e ntertaining success!

Whether youre throwing a backyard soire, a woodsy gathering, or an intimate little bash at a charming farmette, the tenets of any good towny party are the same: thoughtful guest list, palatable refreshments, and a basic code of conduct regarding romance. Of course, you (like David) may need to lower your standards, depending on the quality of the townspeople in attendance. But you can make any town gathering better by releasing all expectations and going with the flow of the evening. You may be inspired to drink from a beer bong, partake in some contraband, or have a heart-to-heart with an ex. Just enjoy yourself! You might be surprised by where th e evening leads you.

Tailgates

If your journey should take you to a tailgate in the woods, maintain some cautious optimism. Pint glasses and dignified conversation may not be in your future, but you might be surprised by how much you enjoy being chanted at while chugging lukewarm beer. Just be sure to dress comfortably and attend the party with friends who are more familiar with the towny-rich environment. They can walk you through the finer points of beer-pong etiquette and point out which handsome, shirtless locals are already spoken for (if you giv e them the chance).

Know Your Audience

When invited to partake in a tailgate party, its best to ask a local what to expect. Should you opt to host such an event, you would surely offer high-end wines and beautifully grilled canaps to enjoy over gas-flame fire features. But no one really hosts a tailgate, do they? Like swallows to Capistrano, sketchy locals are as inexplicably drawn to bonfires and kegs as their ancestors. So the best you can do is get a clear picture of what youre in for, from the drunken marshmallow roasting to the shocking a bundance of flannel.

Embrace the Vibe

Once you know what the evening is likely to hold, you can adjust your expectations accordingly. That means dressing warmly on a fall evening in the woods and sticking close to friends. This isnt a Manhattan clubflying solo in stilettos is probably not the best choice for a patchy field full of strangers. Let yourself be caught up in the rustic pleasures of the evening. Until you dont want to any more. Knowing when to leave people wanting more is an art form (and one that Al exis has perfected).

Barn Parties

Unlike a tailgate, a barn party can offer just a hint of understated elegance. And that hint of elegance is you. String all the globe lights you want, nothing about using a barn as a venue is particularly sophisticated. What it is is a venue in which you can wear your littlest black dress, drink alcohol out of a plastic cup, and eat chips and dip in lighting just good enough to see hot, flannel-clad townies smiling at you from across the room. In other words, its the best place to meet someone under the age of fi fty in a small town.

Follow a Code of Conduct

Parties held in spaces where animals or heavy machinery once resided dont require much in the way of a dress code. But theres really no such thing as being overdressed in a room that contains your ex and the person theyre currently dating, who happens to look unnaturally good in a basic white tee. Whatever you do, resist the urge to compete for a guy like David and Stevie do. The last thing you want is to end up being some (ruggedly handsome) narcissi sts sloppy seconds.

Avoid Rustic Refreshments

A venue can be rustic. Refreshments, however, should meet basic standards of hygiene and flavor. That means a degree of separation between any veggies and the compost with which theyre grown, and ice made with filtered water and not well water. (In an ideal world, any ice you serve your guests would be made using water thats hand-collected from melting glaciers.) And as barn parties are a target-rich environment, snacks should be light and pleasant-smelling. No one wants to hook up with someone shoveling garlic hummus into their mouth in a dark corner. Well, no one except Jake, and he has some very que stionable standards.