Annie Chapman - The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?

Annie Chapman

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Verses marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Verses marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Harvest House Publishers has made every effort to trace the ownership of all poems and quotes. In the event of a question arising from the use of a poem or quote, we regret any error made and will be pleased to make the necessary correction in future editions of this book.

THE MOTHER-IN-LAW DANCE

Copyright 2004 by Annie Chapman

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Chapman, Annie.

The mother-in-law dance / Annie Chapman.

p. cm.

ISBN 0-7369-1456-0 (pbk.)

1. Christian womenFamily relationships. 2. Mothers-in-lawReligious life. 3. Daughters-in lawReligious life. 4. Christian womenReligious life. I. Title.

BV4527.C45 2004

248.8'43dc22

2004001048

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 / BP-MS / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I dedicate this book to those in-laws in my life who have added more love and acceptance than I ever expected or deserved

To Lillian Chapman

You are and have always been an example of Christs love and mercy. Thank you for earning the title Best Mother-in-Law.

To Stephanie Chapman

I knew Nathan had impeccable taste and judgment, but you have proven beyond question his ability to choose wisely. Welcome to the family. All of us love you.

To Emmitt Beall

What a great job Heidi did when she picked you for her husband. You are as dear to me as any son could be. You make loving you the easiest thing I could ever do.

To Paul J. Chapman

You are not only a wonderful father-in-law to me, but you are the anchor of our family. Your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren look to your life as a clear and unwavering example of the love and acceptance of our heavenly Father. Thank you for being a moral compass we can all follow.

Thank you to the hundreds of women who have generously shared their hearts with me. Without your willing participation in filling out questionnaires, speaking to me directly, and sending me personal stories, I could not have written these pages.

I love to dance! Truthfully, Im not any good at it, but I like to try. Most observers would consider my style of movement as toe dancing. Oh, no, Im not a ballerina. I just spend most of my time on my dance partners toes. Regardless of my lack of fluidity, when it comes to dancing one thing is for sure: If Im going to venture out on the floor to trip the light fantastic, I want the privilege of picking my dance partner. But that doesnt happen with in-laws.

Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are family partners fused together by circumstance and law. To be thrown into a close family relationship without giving consent or being consulted is a daunting challenge. But its a challenge that can be overcome. The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is without question a complicated dance. Yet, by the very nature of the relationship, these two women are expected to immediately move freely and beautifully in synchronized harmony. Rarely is this connectedness and closeness realized overnight. In fact, the in-law dance can be a tedious tango. And perhaps some of you have already discovered that a long-lasting, positive relationship requires time, wisdom, compromise, grace, and prayer.

As a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law, Ive been an active dance partner for many years. To help you make your in-law relationship more loving, I offer you my experience in the delicate negotiations and gentle understanding that is required for establishing loving, healthy in-law relationships.

Through hundreds of conversations with women and specially designed questionnaires many more completed, Ive garnered some general principles, potential missteps to watch out for, and practical ideas to help you create more positive interactions with your in-law. Im sure youll be able to relate to some of their stories and how theyve dealt with in-law issues. I have, however, changed names, altered specific details, and lightly edited some comments to protect the privacy and integrity of the women who graciously shared their stories.

In The Mother-in-Law Dance, youll also discover solid biblical principles that will encourage your own spiritual growth and help you get along positively with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Any book on relationships would not be complete without the wisdom from Gods Word and the love and grace experienced through a dynamic relationship with His Son, Jesus.

As you discover how to move gracefully in tandem with your in-law, youll discover that your relationship can be an enjoyable, lifelong adventure as well as an exciting privilege!

The first time I ever met my daughter-in-law was when she was introduced to me as my sons wife. Not only was I shocked by the sudden decision they had made to get married, but I was also emotionally crushed at the reality that I had not been invited to my own sons wedding. I tried, as best I could, to hide my hurt feelings. I cant help but feel that I was cheated out of a day I had dreamed of since my son was a little boy. I wondered, Is this the woman I had prayed for all these years? I know my son is at fault, too, but its going to take some time for me to feel right by his wife. I didnt expect him to understand the importance of his wedding day to me because hes never been very sentimental, but I do think his wife should have put herself in my place. Now I have to act like everything is fine and dandy, but its not.

T he candles are lit, the room glows with a soft yellow hue, the groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar. As all eyes eagerly watch the closed door at the chapels entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. As the doors swing open, the brides heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make that long-awaited, slow walk down the aisle of matrimony. But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music