Sheri L. Samotin - Facing the Finish: A Road Map for Aging Parents and Adult Children

EARLIER THIS WEEK, I was with a new client, Deborah. Her eighty-four-year-old father, Saul, has lived alone about fifteen minutes from Deborah and her family ever since Deborahs mother died seven years ago. Saul suffers from moderate memory impairment, which often leaves him frustrated, and he lashes out at Deborah whenever she tries to help. Saul insists on driving but often cant find his way home and calls Deborah in a rage. He leaves the lights on in the car, so the battery is dead several mornings each month and, you guessed it, he calls Deborah in a rage. Deborah and her three brothers, who live in other states, have talked with Saul about moving to a senior living community or getting some help at home. Saul wont hear of it. Deborah is at her wits end, but her brothers have told her to deal with it.

In my work, stories like Deborahs are my daily diet, and Ive learned that when it comes to our parents, its only a matter of time before we Adult Children will need to become more involved in their day-to-day lives.

Family caregiving is a life stage, often called the other midlife crisis. Since I myself am an Adult Child (and not yet an Older Adult), I do tend to empathize with my own generations struggle with this reality. However, as a life transition coach practicing in Florida, I spend a lot of my time working with Older Adults and have grown to see things much more clearly from their vantage point.

This book was born to fill a specific need, to create a foundation for dialogue between the two generations. It seems that the many other books out there are either from the vantage point of the Adult Child or directed at family caregivers in a general way. When clients would ask me to recommend a book that would guide them in preparing for their future (as either an Older Adult or Adult Child) in a way that treated both generations with equal time and equal respect, I couldnt find one. My clients asked me to write it, and so I have.

As you will see as you dive in, this book is not meant to be an encyclopedic guide to aging or caregiving. There are many other sources for that. At the same time, it is not merely a series of stories about the struggles of growing older or caring for your parents. Rather, I have incorporated real-life examples to illustrate the challenges and opportunities along with conversation starters, tips, and tricks from the field. The book is designed to be read as a whole, but each chapter stands on its own, so if you want to jump in to a particular section, you will be able to. I also anticipate that you will return to certain sections over time as things change in your real-life situation.

The one point I make over and over again is the importance of planning. I advocate creating a Life Transition Plan and include an appendix covering everything that should be included. In addition, readers are invited to visit www.FacingTheFinish.com, where I provide other materials you will find helpful. Ive also included a resources section at the end of this book (and will continue to add to it and update it on the website mentioned above).

When I started my practice, LifeBridge Solutions, LLC in 2009, I had no idea how rich and rewarding my life would become through sharing transitions with so many familiesfamilies no doubt like yours. I am passionate about my work and appreciate the opportunity to help you through one of lifes most challenging transitions. I also welcome your stories, insights, questions, and suggestions. Some of the most important tips and tricks I share in this book have resulted from ideas that started with my clients. Please keep them coming.