Michal Smart - Kaddish: Womens Voices

KADDISH
WOMENS VOICES

Kaddish

Wome n s V oices

Edited by Michal Smart

Conceived by Barbara Ashkenas

Urim Publications

Jerusalem New York

Kaddish, Womens Voices

Edited by Michal Smart
Conceived by Barbara Ashkenas

Poems: Michal Smart

Copyright 2014, 3 by Michal Smart and Barbara Ashkenas

All rights reserved
No part of this book may be used
or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the copyright owner,
except in the case of brief quotations
embodied in reviews and articles.

ePub ISBN 978-965-524-171-6

Mobi ISBN 978-965-524-172-3

PDF ISBN 978-965-524-173-0

(Hardcover ISBN 978-965-524-150-1)

Cover design by the Virt ual Paintbrush

Front cover photograph by Yehoshua Halevi

ePub creation by Ariel Walden

The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows:

Kaddish , womens voices / edited by Michal Smart ; conceived by Barbara Ashkenas.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-965-524-150-1 (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. Kaddish. 2. Jewish mourning customs. 3. Women in Judaism. 4. FeminismReligious aspectsJudaism. I. Smart, Michal, 1965 editor. II. Ashkenas, Barbara.

BM670.K3K33 2013

296.445dc232013023087

Urim Publications, P.O. Box 5228 7, Jerusalem 9152 1 Israel

www.UrimPublications.com

I n L oving M emory

* * *

W e dedicate this book, with love, to our Parents

M ay their memory be for a blessing

Louise Weiss Fox

David Joseph Fox

Evelyn Weinberger

Edward Weinberger

Contents

Barbara Ashkenas

Michal Smart

Poems

Michal Smart

One

Hodie Kahn

Shelley Richman Cohen

Rachel Mesch

Fiona Hallegua

Two

Pearl Tendler Mattenson

Karen Markowitz Michaels

Rebecca E. Starr

Debbie Yatzkan Jonas

Three

Jennie Rosenfeld

Laila Goodman

Abby Ellison Kanarek

Marlyn Bloch Jaffe

Deborah Fineblum

Four

Belda Kaufman Lindenbaum

Ellen Copeland Buchine

Sara Wise Prager

Laura Sheinkopf

Deb Kram

Five

Vera Schwarcz

Leah Braunstein Levy

Joni Nathanson

Rachel Cohen

Six

Nessa Rapoport

Nechama Goldman Barash

Meryl Greenwald Gordon

Jeralyn Goldman

Rachel Goldstein Jubas

Seven

Debra Shaffer Seeman

Rochelle Barouh Senker

Toba Weitz Goldberg

Esther Reed

Debra Luger

Eight

Geela R. R. Naiman

Anne Venze Sendor

Deborah Greniman

Michal Smart

Nine

Aviva Ephraim Maller

Shifra Aviva (Posner) Deren

Sandi Ehrlich Waldstreicher

Amy Koplow

Chaya Rosenfeld Gorsetman

Joyce Solomon

Paula Gantz

Barbara Becker

Dina Roemer

Eleven

Barbara Ashkenas

Judith Schwimmer Hessing

Suzanne Wolf

Chana Reifman Zweiter

Twelve

Mark Dratch

Daniel Cohen

David Walk

Penny Cohen

Michal Smart

Preface

Barbara Ashkenas

Th ere is nothing so whole as a broken heart.

The Kotzker Rebbe

W hile saying Kaddish for my Mom in 2007, a half dozen other women in my community happened to also be saying Kaddish. Together we became a warm and supportive group. Jointly we embraced our sadness and quenched our thirst for intimacy and kindred spirituality. Over the years, while raising my children in Stamford, CT, I had befriended many women, but I must admit the Kaddish bond was rare and special.

But what did Kaddish mean to us? How was saying Kaddish as a woman different than the experiences recounted by men? While in mourning, I turned to Jewish literature for guidance and insight. Yet none of these were written from a womans perspective. I began to imagine a book about women saying Kaddish; one that shared our experiences and could serve as a guidepost to others. I shared my vision with my Kaddish friends and family. They all encouraged me to make this journey.

I was introduced to Michal Smart in April 2010. Mid-conversation, Frank Sinatras My Way came over the Starbucks speakers. When we discovered that this song had been played at both my mothers and her fathers funerals, we knew that we were meant to collaborate on this project. Michal took the reins as lead editor, and my vision would never have become a reality without her.

The conversation continued in my living room in May. A dozen women who had recently experienced a loss and said Kaddish came together to begin a new project: the creation of the book Kaddish, Womens Voices . Loss was the currency of intimacy, and through listening to one another, a community was created. The room filled with a sense of poignant and powerful possibility.

This book is a continuation of those conversations. It is part of a growing conversation, where womens voices can be heard through the heartstrings of Kaddish.

It is interesting to note that in the first edition of Rabbi Maurice Lamms classic purple book, Th e Jewish Way in Death and Mourning , written in 1969, he states that the obligation to recite Kaddish is placed upon the son, not the daughter. Thirty years later, however, in the second edition of his book, Rabbi Lamm notes that... today, reciting the Kaddish is open to all women who want to express their grief in this manner and speak to the Almighty on behalf of their beloved departed relatives.... All Jewish people stand to benefit from a womans holy resolve in saying Kaddish.

I believe women who commit to saying Kaddish do indeed have a holy resolve that shines through in these pages. Some resolve to hold onto their loved one a little longer. Some need to resolve issues with the departed, and use Kaddish to reflect and bring closure. Still others resolve to renew their commitment to Jewish life. I hope this book will serve as a companion to others, spark many meaningful conversations, and open the possibilities for women to choose how to mourn and remember a loved one.

Through Kaddish, may our broken hearts indeed become whole again, and in the words of Rabbi Yosef Eliyahu Henkin (quoted by Rabbi Lamm), may we be blessed... with kedusha , lives filled with holiness of purpose, instead of Kaddish.

Introduction

Michal Smart

J udaism takes a new mourner by the hand, and guides him or her through the initial period of life after loss. At a time of aloneness, the mourner is drawn out and supported by a caring community. Amidst tumult and change, there is also time to reflect and to feel. In the face, perhaps, of anger or a sense of abandonment, the mourner is forced to confront and communicate with God. When a key relationship has come to an end, there is an opportunity for continued involvement, and closure. And the cornerstone of this process is the recitation of Kaddish.

The grieving heart is torn open. And that openness is an opportunity to grow spiritually and to reorient ones life. As Jewish women, we inherit a legacy of strength and resilience in difficult times. In the Book of Ruth, when Naomis husband and both her sons die, she is left in a strange land, bereft and alone. Yet the very next thing we read is vatakam hi , and she (Naomi) rose up. She was not defeated. In fact, it is only at this point that we first see Naomi take life into her own hands, and begin her long journey home. Childless, the Bibles Chana is so distraught that she weeps at the holiday table and cannot eat or drink. Yet here, too, we read vatakam Chana . She rose out of her despair and turned her life around. And how did she do it? Through prayer.