Sarah Birnbach - A Daughters Kaddish: My Year of Grief, Devotion, and Healing

PRAISE FOR A DAUGHTERS KADDISH

Sarah Birnbachs lovely memoir is a thoughtful meditation on sacrifice, memory, gender roles, and of coursegrief.

A.J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically

A Daughters Kaddish is a heartwarming, sometimes heart-wrenching, and always honest story of Sarah Birnbachs sacred year of mourning after her beloved fathers death. By melding her personal memoir with a thoughtful Jewish ritual narrative, Birnbach highlights her burgeoning identity and commitment as an observant Conservative Jew, a feminist, and a devoted member of her twice-daily minyan at her own shul. This book stands as a beautiful tribute to her father; his memory will survive as a blessing forever upon all who read it.

Rabbi Mindy Avra Portnoy, rabbi emerita, Temple Sinai, Washington, DC, and author of A Tale of Two Seders

In her debut memoir, Sarah Birnbach tells the story of her transformative, eleven-month journey to redeem her fathers soul. By committing to the twice-daily recitation of the Kaddish, she develops deep relationships with fellow mourners near and far and with God. Birnbachs love letter to her father is a meditation on grief and the power of a spiritual practice to transcend our most painful losses.

Michelle Brafman, author of Washing the Dead

Sarah Birnbach has made a major contribution to the literature of bereavement. She weaves together her personal story, grief, and spiritual development into a work that will move readers of diverse backgrounds and experiences.

Kate Thompson, author of Therapeutic Journal Writing

A brave and beautifully crafted memoir of love, loss, and enduring faith, rich with emotionally resonant stories. As we follow Birnbachs spiritual transformation, we come to a deeper understanding of unconditional love in action and the power of devotion. A Daughters Kaddish is enlightening, enlivening, and profoundly inspiring.

Kathleen Adams, LPC, founder/director, Center for Journal Therapy, and coauthor of Your Brain on Ink

Her father told her not to do it. She should leave Kaddish to someone else. But Sarah Birnbach fights back and embraces a custom that has been for so long the province of men. As we see on these pages, sheand we, her readersare the richer for it. And we can only imagine that her father is smiling down on her with joy.

Ari L. Goldman, author of Living a Year of Kaddish

Sarah Birnbach tells an inspiring story of faith and determination in A Daughters Kaddish, a modern take on an ancient ritual.

Arch Campbell, former news anchor, NBC

A beautifully written book, A Daughters Kaddish takes us on a womans journey to say the Mourners Kaddish, an untraditional path of grieving that tests her in many ways. At the heart of this book is a daughters love and devotion and a path to healing the past.

Linda Joy Myers, president, National Association of Memoir Writers, and author of Song of the Plains

Heartwarming and heartbreaking.... Reading Birnbachs words deepened my thought process about my own beliefs and helped me better understand my own familial relationships.... Our stories matter and can matter to others. An all-around, enjoyably insightful read.

Jeanne Baker Guy, award-winning author of Youll Never Find Us: A Memoir

Dedicated to
Moshe Israel ben Yosef Tzvi v Roisa
Of Blessed Memory

May his memory be a blessing for life in the world to come

And to all who enabled me
to honor him as he wanted
in the spirit of our faith

And to my granddaughter, Dahlia, who carries his
Hebrew name so that his memory may live on.

CONTENTS

TIMELINE

NOTE: All Jewish holidays are celebrated according to the Jewish calendar, which is a lunisolar calendar. The months correspond to the cycles of the moon, while the years correspond to the cycles of the sun. The Gregorian calendar is a purely solar calendar. This explains why holidays are marked on the same day each year on the Jewish calendar, while the day on the Gregorian calendar differs from year to year. All Jewish holidays begin at sundown on the evening before the date shown.

MOURNERS KADDISH

Mourners and those observing Yahrzeit:

Yitgadal vyitkadash shmei raba, balma di vra, ki-rutei,

vyamlikh malkhutei bhayeikhon u-vyomeikhon

u-vhayei dkhol beit Yisra-el,

baagala u-vi-zman kariv, vimru amen.

Congregation and mourners:

Yhei shmei raba mvarakh lalam u-lalmei almaya.

Mourners:

Yitbarakh vyishtabah vyitpa-ar vyitromam vyitnasei

vyit-hadar vyit-aleh vyit-halal shmei dKudsha, brikh hu

*lela min kol birkhata vshirata

*Between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:

lela lela mi-kol birkhata vshirata

tushbata vneamata daamiran balma, vimru amen.

Yhei shlama raba min shmaya

vayim aleinu val kol Yisra-el, vimru amen.

Oseh shalom bi-mromav, hu yaaseh shalom

aleinu val kol Yisra-el, vimru amen.

May Gods name be exalted and hallowed throughout the world that He created, as is Gods wish. May Gods sovereignty soon be accepted, during our life and the life of all Israel. And let us say: Amen.

May Gods great name be praised throughout all time.

Glorified and celebrated, lauded and worshiped, exalted and honored, extolled and acclaimed may the Holy One be, praised beyond all song and psalm, beyond all tributes that mortals can utter. And let us say: Amen.

Let there be abundant peace from heaven, with lifes goodness for us and for all Israel. And let us say: Amen.

May the One who brings peace to His universe bring peace to us and to all Israel. And let us say: Amen.

AUTHORS NOTE

Each letter in the Hebrew alphabet has a numerical value. The letters Het (), with a value of eight, and Yud (), with a value of ten, combine to make eighteen. Het-Yud spells the word Chai, which means life or living. Multiples of eighteen are therefore considered a good omen for life.

According to Jack Riemer in Jewish Reflections on Death,... a Jewish book on death has to be addressed to life, for we do not study death in order to become morbid or depressed, but to learn from facing death something about how to live.