Jerry White - To Be a Friend: Building Deep and Lasting Relationships

2014 by Jerry and Mary White

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ISBN-13: 978-1-61291-505-0

Cover image by tomfish

Some of the anecdotal illustrations in this book are true to life and are included with the permission of the persons involved. All other illustrations are composites of real situations, and any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental.

Unless otherwise identified, all Scripture quotations in this publication are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ( NIV ). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. Other versions used include: THE MESSAGE ( MSG ), copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002, used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group; the New King James Version ( NKJV ), copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., used by permission, all rights reserved; The Living Bible ( TLB ), copyright 1971, used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, IL 60188, all rights reserved; the Holy Bible, New Living Translation ( NLT ), copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation, used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, IL 60188, all rights reserved; the New American Standard Bible ( NASB ), copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, used by permission; and the King James Version ( KJV ).

Cataloging-in-Publication Data is Available.

Build: 2014-01-10 16:11:56

To:

Merlyn and Dottie

Roger and Joanne

John and Jeanne

Ruth

John and Nancy

Ed and Merrilee

Helene

Chris and Alice

Stan and Lois

Doug and Kaylinn

Mike and Anne

Kim and Kari Ann

David and Lori

Dave and Myrna

Frank and Gloria

Scott and Kristi

Bill and Kathleen

Lee and Kelly

Paul and Phyllis

Donald and Jeanie

Jim and Marge

Mike and Chris

Terry and Carol

Friends of many years and many seasons who, along with many others, have immeasurably enriched our lives.

PREFACE

G ET A LIFE. Get a friend. But how? And why? If you picked up this book, you most likely have an interest in starting, developing, or repairing a relationship. Perhaps youre eager to get more out of your friendships, frustrated with current friends, or feeling lonely. Whatever your situation, this book can help you develop new friendships and enhance the ones you have.

To Be a Friend looks at friendship like a many-sided diamond, reflecting peoples needs and aspirations. Most of us see friends through the lenses of our past relationships, both positive and negative experiences, and the desires of our hearts to know and be known. Friendship can be rewarding, fun, satisfying, and uplifting. It can also be confusing, frustrating, and disappointing. Which of these results depend on you? How much depends on the other person?

Expectations regarding friendship vary as much as people do, yet there are constants basics that flavor every relationship. In this book, we identify these basics to give you a framework for understanding your friendships in the past, present, and future. We want you to grasp the foundations of close friendships and recognize the problems and benefits of them. We also introduce the concept of virtuous friendship. Virtue gives a biblical and philosophical basis of friendship that goes beyond self-oriented relationships.

Much of the conscious development of our circle of friends rests on an understanding of the elements and concepts of friendship. In this book, well discuss:

• The foundation of good friendships
• The way to begin and develop friendships
• How to make and sustain lasting friendships
• How to repair broken or damaged friendships
• Networking your friendships

You wont find an automatic solution for making and keeping friends. Friendships take effort. They hold a bit of mystery. They cant be manufactured. Yet they are priceless. A friend can be one of the greatest spiritual and emotional treasures of our lives. When we lack true friends, we are isolated and lonely.

Walk with us as we probe and discover together the great adventure of being a friend and having friends.

Chapter 1

FRIENDS MATTER

Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I go to my friends.

VIRGINIA WOOLF

At the shrine of friendship never say die, let the wine of friendship never run dry.

VICTOR HUGO, LES MISRABLES

D O WE NEED FRIENDS? Most assuredly, yes! Friends are the lifeline to a fulfilling existence. They encourage us, counsel us, support us, rescue us, challenge us, and bring us joy. One of the saddest comments we heard when talking with people about their friendships was from a man who told us, I had a friend once, but he died. Loneliness echoed in this plaintive statement as he described life without friends.