Kelly Needham - Friend-ish: Reclaiming Real Friendship in a Culture of Confusion

Contents

I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

Psalm 86:1213

T here are not enough words to sufficiently convey the depth of gratitude I feel toward you, Jesus. You have delivered my soul from the hell I deserved and have freely given me the incomparable gift of friendship with you. How great is your steadfast love! Knowing you has been the deepest joy and most profound honor of my life. I cannot say it enough: thank you for choosing me! May my life and this book give you glory and honor and praise!

This book was incredibly difficult to write, and I frequently filled my journal pages with the confession, I cannot write this book! For years I felt God had assigned me an impossible task. So, as I marvel at its completion and consider what God used to make the impossible possible, the faces of many precious people come to mind.

Jimmy, this book would not exist without you. And you know it. You gave me courage when I wanted to quit, vision when I felt lost, and gifted me time as deadlines approached. Your sacrificial and servant-hearted leadership as my husband made this book a reality and kept my eyes on Jesus through it all. You have been my writing coach, my lead advisor, and my shoulder to cry on. You stayed up late, reading, editing, and rereading every word. Although you will likely never receive a thank-you from someone impacted by this book, I hope you know that the fruit it bears is as much due to your efforts as it is mine.

To my daughters, Lively and Sophie: your words of encouragement and consistent excitement about this book gave me strength to keep going. To my son, Benjamin: your joy, peace, and enthusiasm are precious gifts from God that have daily refreshed me. To my parents: Mom and Dad, you set me up for success early in life by teaching me how to be respectful, responsible, and trustworthy. Your belief in me and constant support is a greater gift than you know.

To my comrades in the faith, those friends who have linked arms with me in the trenches and who have fought side by side for the sake of the kingdom of God with me: thank you for showing me what true friendship is and treasuring Jesus above all else. To Lindsay Schott, Liz Parish, Laura Hobbs, Bethany Barnard, and Kellie Everett: each one of you willingly shouldered my burdens in this season of writing, spoke the truth in love, and prayed over me when I was too weak to do anything but cry. Jessica Adaway: I am much indebted to you for your generous help in organizing this content. You helped me put the puzzle together and find my way when I was lost. Ashley Samperi: our friendship is one of Gods best gifts to me. Thank you for enduring with me over the years and helping me see my blind spots. Im more like Jesus because of you. To Kelly, Caitlyn, Meghan, Kendra, Ashley, and Lindsay: our two years of doing life together, though brief, was one of the truest expressions of friendship Ive ever been a part of. I will never forget it.

Ben and Donna Stuart: thank you for being a constant source of encouragement and wisdom for Jimmy and me from the beginning. Paul and Krystal Helbig: your influence in my life is more profound than you know. Your confidence in Gods work in and through me has undergirded me with strength to move ahead.

To the elders at Stonegate Church: thank you for reading my manuscript, consistently praying for me, and often encouraging me in this task. It is a privilege to be under the leadership of such humble, godly men. And to my Stonegate church family: so many of you have prayed for me, supported me, and encouraged me in this season. It is a delight to do life with you.

Thank you Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and my friends at Revive Our Hearts for how you have supported my writing and this project! To Marshall Segal and our friends at Desiring God: you were so helpful in the initial steps we took to make this book a reality. Your help and support have been invaluable.

To Robert Wolgemuth, Austin Wilson, and the Wolgemuth & Associates team: thank you for believing in me and in this project. God has so richly blessed me through you all. To Jessica Wong and the team at Nelson Books: thank you for making this a more excellent and more helpful resource for those who read it. From our initial conversation, your genuine care for handling this topic well was evident and for that I am so grateful.

There are countless people who shared their stories with me over the years, many more who let me interview them, and more still who gave hours of their time to discuss these ideas with me. Im grateful to each one of you for trusting me with very vulnerable moments in your life. Your courage and honesty have made this book a more relatable and life-giving resource to those who read it.

God truly has blessed me with great friendships throughout my life. From the years of childhood sleepovers, to the tumultuous preteen season, and the early adulthood of college life, Ive had great friendships. To each and every friend in each and every season, Christian and non-Christian alike: thank you for making this book possible. By giving me the gift of your friendship, youve fueled my desire for everyone to have the ability to cultivate this irreplaceable blessing of friendship in their own lives. I thank God for you.

We have social media friendships, idolizing friendships, self-seeking friendships and other friend-ish relationships. Kelly Needham skillfully points us toward true biblical friendships. She shows us the beauty and necessity of biblical friendships and the ways friendships can assume the wrong place. With good-hearted and wise counsel, Kelly helps us see friendship as God intends it to be.

RANDY ALCORN, AUTHOR OF HEAVEN, HAPPINESS, AND SAFELY HOME

How blessed I am to call Kelly Needham friend. And how grateful I am that she has written this important and timely book. Kelly helps us identify ways we may be missing out on the gift of true friendship by settling for counterfeits. And she points us to Christ, the sweetest Friend of all, who alone can fill the deepest longings of our hearts and whose presence enriches and enlivens our human friendships.

NANCY DEMOSS WOLGEMUTH, AUTHOR AND FOUNDER AND HOST OF REVIVE OUR HEARTS

Calling everyone who has or longs for a BFFare the relationships growing in your friendship-garden weeds or flowers? Friend-ish can help you tell the difference. This insightful and engaging book will challenge you to develop deep, authentic, kingdom-building friendships. The kind that will only flourish as you learn to first be best friends with God.

MARY A. KASSIAN, AUTHOR OF GIRLS GONE WISE AND THE RIGHT KIND OF STRONG

Its rare for a book to model its subject, but Friend-ish actually demonstrates real friendship. It is relational and honest and enjoyable. It is willing to diagnose and press on the difficult aspects of life, relationships, and sin. It convicts and encourages, and not in a trite or fluffy way. Most importantly, it draws on Scripture and points to Jesus uncompromisingly and clearly throughout. Kelly also offers keen, incisive observations about cultural trends and personal experiences in friendship. Friend-ish is smart, discerning, and godlya profoundly helpful book for men and women seeking better friendships and to be better friends.

BARNABAS PIPER, AUTHOR AND PODCASTER

Friendship is a gift of grace from God, yet inexplicably we as Christians often take our cues regarding friendship from the culture. We simply dont know what it means to enjoy friendship in the way God intended. Thankfully, in