Jan Burns - Friendship. A How-to Guide

Best Friends Forever?

Whether you've been friends since kindergarten or just met on the soccer team, friendships can be complicated! Friendships within cliques, made online, or between guys and girls all seem to come with their own sets of rules. Make sense of your relationships and learn to forge lasting friendships with this useful how-to guide.

About the Author

Jan Burns writes books for children and adults. She holds a bachelor's degree insociology from the University of California, Berkeley. She lives in Texas with her husband, Don, and sons, David and Matt.

The first Sunday in August was proclaimed National Friendship Day by the United States Congress in 1935.

Friendships fill a deep need we all have to be accepted.

Friends give us a sense of belonging, says fifteen-year-old Melissa. We all have that moment where we walk into a party and feel like we dont know anyone. Or, we walk into the cafeteria on the first day of school and wonder where to sit. Then, we see a friend and a rush of relief washes over us. We know where to go.

Kids say that life without friends would be hard. It could get really lonely and rather boring. Who would cheer you up when youve had a bad day? Who would listen to you when you talk about all your hopes and dreams? Only your friends will do. Each one is different, and each one helps you in his or her own unique way.

Good friends can be counted on to stick by you through all the challenges and triumphs that life sometimes brings. They are the ones you just cant wait to talk to each day. What could be better than that?

Years later, you will remember all the crazy and wonderful things you did together and be thankful you have those great memories. There will probably also be a few sad ones, but that is part of life, too. You just have to learn from them and move on.

Friendships play a very important part in young peoples lives as they grow up. They fill a deep need that human beings have to be accepted. Friends help teens laugh and have fun. They can talk together, plan adventures, and share memories, some of which they will never forget.

As teens emotionally distance themselves from their parents and become more independent, good friends provide the emotional support and nurturing they still need, says clinical psychologist Patricia Wills.

Friends may be even more important than was previously believed. According to the National Center for Health Education, friendships are as vital to health as maintaining a proper diet.

According to some psychologists, friendships provide people with companionship, stimulation, physical support, support if youre feeling down, and true affection.

Having friends can help you handle tough times. You can talk about what you are going through and ask for advice. By the time you are a teen, there are some things you dont want to discuss with your parents. That is normal. Thats where your friends come in. They may be experiencing some of the same things you are, so they understand what you are going through. Just talking to a friend often will make you feel better. You will feel less alone and less vulnerable.

Good friends make you feel safe. You can act silly with them, and they wont think youre weird. You can also share your worries. They will be sure to give you feedback and advice. Some of it may be encouraging. Some of it may make you think twice. But thats good. It may stop you from making a mistake.

I can bring my problems to my friends, says fifteen-year- old Matt. And when something good happens, you want to tell them that, too.

In her book Be True to Yourself, Amanda Ford looks back on her teen years and says, There is nothing like having close girl friends. It is wonderful to have girls you can go to parties with, or cry to when you are feeling upset. You grow together and learn from each others experiences.

You can learn a lot from your friends. They bring their own knowledge, personalities, and life stories to the friendship. When you share your life with them, it can help all of you to learn new things, to change, and to grow. Writer Julie Taylor says that your friends are more precious than diamonds or gold and they should be treated as such.

A lot of times in high school people dont necessarily like their friends. They just hang out with them because theyre afraid of being alone. Or, they want to be with the popular crowd. But one really good friend is worth a dozen superficial ones, says actress Anne Hathaway.

You may have all different kinds of friends in your life. Some are probably more like acquaintances because you dont know them very well. You may just say hi to them when you pass them in the halls at school. Others are true friends who are like members of your family.

Good friends can be counted on to stick with you through life's challenges and help you celebrate the good times.

Do you have one friend in particular whom you call when you feel like doing something? Maybe you are like sixteen-year-old Jamie, who says, I have a ton of friends, but none of them are more fun than Katie is. Theres never a dull moment with her around. When Im with her, I feel like Im in a movie or something.

With some friends, you may feel as if youve known them forever, as thirteen-year-old Tamara says about her friend. Ive known Kelly since kindergarten. She was there when I lost my first tooth.... When my parents got divorced, I felt like everything in my world was changing. But when I was with Kelly, I felt okay again because she is a constant source of support and always has been.

Or you might have some friends you just met and are still getting to know. Thats cool, too. You can look forward to sharing stories, having fun, and enjoying their friendship.

Make a list of all the fun things you do with your friends. Your list might include such things as going to the movies, shopping, listening to music, or going to the beach. Then, make a list of things that would be fun to do in the futuregoing to a concert, taking a road trip, or going to a baseball or basketball game. Be creative. Think up some new exciting plans so you will always have things to look forward to.

Everyone has a different idea about what makes a good friend. These are some of the ways that teens describe a friend:

• Someone you can always trust.
• Someone who is always there when you need him or her.
• Someone who will tell you the truth.
• Someone who will talk with you about your problems or come to you with his or hers.
• Someone who wont encourage you to do something that is dangerous.

My mother once told me about a saying in Spanish that describes friendship: Mis amigos son las personas con las que me entiendo. Translated it means: Friendship is a place where I can understand myself with someone else, says Colin.

People have different needs for friends. Some people are much more comfortable doing things in groups. Others, however, prefer to just have one or two special friends. No one can tell you how many friends you should have. Thats up to you to decide.