Tommy Woodard - Smells Like Bacon: The Skit Guys Guide to Lifelong Friendships

I have no idea how these
two made it as friends.

Michael W. Smith
Grammy awardwinning singer-songwriter and authority on friendship

T he year was 1984. The setting was Edmond Mid-High. Eddie James, freshman football player and all-around moral guy, walked the hallways with the confidence of a sophomore, holding hands with his girlfriend, Jill. Every day held the promise of the blissful moment when Eddie would strut to the cafeteria, grab the hand of his beloved, and stroll down the hallway hand in hand with Jill, talking about their day. Perhaps some would call it puppy love, but to Eddie James, it was the most real thing hed ever experienced in his life. She was indeed his everything.

Until one day

Tommy: Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Hold up.

Eddie: Whats the matter?

Tommy: This is the story were starting with? To kick off our book on friendship?

Eddie: Yeah.

Tommy: This is a terrible idea.

Eddie: I think people should know.

Tommy: In my opinion, I think there are better stories to start with.

Eddie: Like what?

Tommy: Like the time I saved your life.

Eddie: You never saved my life.

Tommy: The time I introduced you to your wife.

Eddie: Didnt happen.

Tommy: The time I rescued you from that porta-potty.

Eddie: Stop. This is fine. Let the man continue.

Tommy: The man is us.

Eddie: What?

Tommy: Were the ones telling the story.

Eddie: Well, then, move aside and
let us talk.

until one day, Eddie grabbed Jills hand, and she didnt grab back.

Eddie tried again, but there was nothing. A quick glance at her body language told him there was a problem. A big, big problem.

Gathering his courage, Eddie stopped Jill in the middle of the hallway and said, Hey, Jill... is everything okay? Eddie looked deep into her eyes, the way hed seen it done in all the John Hughes movies. Whats the matter?

Jill took a breath and said, Um... Eddie, I think we need to talk.

A chill ran up his spine. Hed heard of girls saying this to boys like him but had not yet experienced it for himself. Eddie swallowed hard but maintained his composure. Okay. Lets talk.

Eddie... I think I like someone else.

There it was, the emotional gut punch. All the breath left him.

As a steady stream of students rushed around them like water around a river log, Eddie grabbed Jills hands. Look, he said, I cant tell you who to like, and Im heartbroken that you dont like me. But Ive heard about this one guy... this guy in the musical, and he has a bad reputation, okay? And so... so please, please tell me its not that guy, that its not

Tommy: It was me.

Eddie: Stop smiling.

Tommy: Tommy Woodard.

Eddie: Yes, you dont have to say
your name.

Tommy: Some people might not know.

Eddie: Thats how it all began. Tommy Woodard, master thespian and all-around jerk, stealing my ninth-grade girlfriend.

Tommy: I guess we have some explaining to do.

Eddie: I guess we do.

Tommy: By the way, I appreciate the master thespian tag, but all-around jerk is a little harsh.

Eddie: Harsh yet accurate. Tenth grade, you were a class-A jerk.

Tommy: True.

Eddie: A weird way to start a lifelong friendship, but thats how it started for us. Over a girl. A girl who later woke up, came to her senses, and ended up liking me again.

Tommy: Wait a minute

Eddie: Not now. Im finishing the story of how this closed chapter on a girl started an amazing chapter of friendship. We couldnt know then all the complications, laughter, hijinks, and common bonds wed form in this new chapter. But there you golifelong friends because of a girl.