Justin Erickson - Seven Friendships Every Man Needs: Gathering Your Pit Crew for the Race of Life

Who knew that writing a book would be this fun? Who imagined that writing a book would be this much work? I certainly did not. I graduated high school without having ever read a single book, the single chapter in any book, and to the best of my knowledge, I never even finished one newspaper article. This book then is a testament to the shaping influence of others, who I would be remiss if I failed to acknowledge.

First, special thanks to Bob Hawkins of Harvest House Publishers, who extended the invitation for me to write this book several years ago and has waited patiently for its completion. His team has made this process enjoyable and smooth.

To Russell Taylor, my first mentor, who started discipling me when I was two months old in the Lordhis influence permeates every page of this volume. He set the standard for all the mentors I have ever let into my life since.

To my wife, Jana, who has not only supported me feverishly in this project, but who herself embodies all the qualities of the friendships described herein.

To my children, Emma, Ashlyn, Ty, Janie, and Allie, who intuitively knew when to give me time and space to write, and when it was time to interrupt and rescue me.

Finally, I owe an immeasurable debt of gratitude to Steve Miller, whose expert instruction, relentless encouragement, and tireless commitment to me and this book has been like a Masterclass. Every author needs a Steve. Words fall short.

I n this book, we have looked at ways to become the man God intends by cultivating strategic and godly friendships. These men are often missing from our lives, and they are definitely needed in our quest for spiritual growth and victory. The strength of our manhood and the effectiveness of our leadership will likely rise or fall depending on the men in our pit crews. Which is why you want to choose your guy friends wisely.

Before we close, however, let me pose a question about the guys in our lives who are the opposite of those who are in our pit crews. Each of us has negative men in our lives as wellmen who, for one reason or another, are difficult to avoid. In sharp contrast to the friends we need, there are certain kinds of guys we dont really want to have around because they distract and drain us, or in some cases, they spurn and betray us. They give us bad gas mileage and hinder us as we try to win the race.

What should you do when you have to deal with these kinds of guys?

As you probably know, the Bible says that God can use the negative people and experiences in your life to make you more like Christ. You may not have sought their friendship, but God knows that you can come away with useful life lessons from them. That being the case, maybe you should not steer clear of them just yet. Quite possibly, your detractors are tools in Gods hand for building up your character and holiness. Consider the following biblical example of a difficult man who was determined to make life as difficult as possible for someone else.

The Deranged Lunatic with the Power Tie

We have all seen this man, and we dont know how anyone works with him. If youve ever met one, you will bristle with the description: a self-centered, self-absorbed alpha male who sits in a position of authority, is thoroughly preoccupied with his own image, feeds on the admiration of others, and behaves with such entitlement that he cannot see past his own ambitions. Such a man, in a word, is dangerousa ticking time bomb.

Most of us get away from ticking time bombs as fast as we can. But what if you cannot? What if he holds a position of authority over you? Such was the case with David and his cowardly, jealous, angry, demonic kingSaul. As Israels first king, Saul won the peoples choice award in Israel as a strong, natural leader, but he was not Gods pick. He was hateful, malicious, irrational, murderous, unpredictable, power hungry, and disobedient. It did not take long for God to reject him and make way for a better man, David. But Saul refused to go down without a fight.

David and Saul first met in the Valley of Elah, where the teenage sheepherder decapitated the most feared man on the planet, Goliath. Saul wanted proximity to David in the same way that all strong leaders want access to heroes. But shortly after Saul welcomed David into the royal family, he was already plotting to bury him next to Goliath. The day Saul turned on David was after he heard the chorus of Israels new favorite song, Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands (1 Samuel 18:7). David was a better man, with better character, and better success. Jealousy enslaved and enraged Saul, but that was not the only thing raging inside of him:

Now it came about on the next day that an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, as usual; and a spear was in Sauls hand. Saul hurled the spear for he thought, I will pin David to the wall. But David escaped from his presence twice (1 Samuel 18:10-11 NASB ).

The jealous king had a demon who maliciously and frequently took control of his already depraved faculties and turned loose on Saul like a flamethrower in a gunpowder factory. The more David escaped, the more fearful Saul became of David: Saul was afraid of David because the L ORD was with him (verse 12). The faster Davids fame grew, the faster Sauls fear became enmity: Saul was even more afraid of David. So Saul was Davids enemy continually (verse 29). Saul was a living nightmare, but this was not a dream, and it didnt last only one night. This terror lasted 12 years, from the day Samuel anointed David king to the day the crown rested on his head. But Saul was exactly the kind of man that David needed in his life to move him from being a man after Gods own heart to becoming a king after Gods own heart.

Resist the Temptation to Retaliate

Here we learn Gods purpose in allowing difficult people into our livesthey teach us something we cannot learn when we are insulated and comfortable. With that in mind, our goal, then, is not How do I get away from this person? Rather, we should ask, What does God want to teach me in this season through this person? If you know guys who are making life difficult by their opposition or intimidation, resist the temptation to retaliate, and instead, let the lessons to be learned stretch you as well.

Patience

Our favorite lesson, right? Patience is the one thing people tell us to never pray for, because you will get it. But lets get real practical and uncomfortable: In the midst of this crazy rerun of Looney Tunes, David was submissive to Saul. Wherever Saul sent him, David went and prospered. This, of course, made Saul rage against him all the more. But just as fast as Saul was to turn on David, Saul was quick to promote him too: Saul was afraid of David because the L ORD was with him but had departed from Saul. So Saul removed him from his presence and made him a commander of a thousand. And he went out and came in before the people (1 Samuel 18:12-13).

Makes perfect sense, right? Kill him! That didnt work. Promote him! That backfirednow David is greater than ever. Kill him again!

Davids story proves that you can be whacked all over the place like a pinball by the whims of a psychotic person, and God can still give you the grace to be long-suffering and endure with the right attitude. But this works only when you remember this: It is not about that guynot yet. Rather, its about you and what God wants to do to make you holier. And that wont happen overnight. Learning patience, by definition, takes timesometimes as long as 12 years.

Humility

One of Sauls empty promises and manipulative tricks against David was the offer of one of his daughters to become Davids wife. At first David was supposed to marry Merab, but on their wedding day, the king, out of spite, snatched her away and gave her to another man. To save face and set a subtler trap, Saul suggested another daughter, Michal, who actually loved David. But Saul required David to go out and kill 100 Philistines to prove his worthiness of her. Sauls secret aim was to have David killed by the Philistines, who were still upset about losing their best fighter, Goliath. One giantmeh, that was a lucky shot. One hundred men, hes a goner.