Hugh Weber - Dude to Dad: The First 9 Months

Praise for Dude to Dad

Few parenting books have been as honest, funny, and true as this look at what happens to a man the moment he becomes a dad! Sure, there have been thousands written about the moms of the world, but finally the male side of the parenting coin is getting the attention it deserves!

C.C. Chapman, Dad and Author of Amazing Things Will Happen

There are dozens of baby books out there to choose from. There are very few dad books. And none of them provide the useful insight and hilarious honesty offered in Dude To Dad: The First 9 Months. As a future dad, I plan to keep this book glued to my hand at all times. It may not make fatherhood easy, but it will certainly make it a little less terrifying.

Mike Billeter, Dude and Author of Samuel Sporter, the Bravest Reporter

Dedication

To Roscoe & Jimmy, who set unreasonably high standards for the dads that would follow.

To Mrs. Dude, your patience was (and is) commendable, and your baby-making skillsextraordinary!

Prologue

The surprising thing about fatherhood was finding my inner mush. Now I want to share it with the world. Christopher Meloni

Youve seen the photos before, right? I had seen dozens of them over the past couple years. Brothers, college hallmates, and Facebook friends that I dont even recognize, all striking the same pose.

Screaming baby just minutes removed from the womb. Beaming fathers triumphant with the successful transmission of their genetic code. A cross-generational meeting without complication. Pure, uninhibited joy.

Or so I thought.

What I didnt see was the culmination of nine months of self-doubt and anxiety intersecting with the beginning of a journey of even more mystery, intrigue, and confusion. I didnt realize that each of those men, regardless of circumstances, was in the middle of a mystifying and magical transition from Dude to Dad.

I was on the ultimate dude trip when I first found out that I was going to be a father. We had just landed on a dirt runway in the Arctic Ocean off the north slope of Alaska. I picked up the satellite phone to call my wife and let her know we had survived the most aggressive part of the trip. She told me that she thought she should take the test.

Six days later, we sat in our bedroom waiting for the test to share the results and I found myself mindlessly repeating holy crap, holy crap, holy crap as it came up positive.

Little did I know that the transition had just begun.

Stage 1: Before Birth

For the sake of simplicity, Im going to assume that you know how you got here. Becoming a father, my friend, was an exciting and engaging exercise. Congratulations on a job well done.

But those ninety seconds are over. This isnt a how-to manual and thats not why youre here anyway, is it?

You, no doubt, have come to the realization that you are a simple Dude that

d idnt

u nderstand

d aunting

e xpectations

before this recent fatherhood turn. Your hope (or perhaps the hope of the person who bought this book... Hi Mom!) is that someone or something can help you make the transition from Dude to a

d edicated

a nd

d etermined

Dad.

Despite your enthusiasm, chances are good that this book, despite its brief and bite-sized nature, wont be read in full until its too late. With that in mind, Im going to cut straight to the most important thing for you to know.

Let me say it again for proper emphasis.

Its neither good, nor bad. It just is.

Whats changed, you ask? Everything.

Everything? Everything.

Many a man before you has spent months and even years fighting this one simple truth. Theres this sense that if you wait it out or power through, that things will return to normal. The plain and simple truth is that there is a new normal... and everything has changed.

If you can accept this in all of its excitements and disappointments, you are going to be that much closer to making the transition from Dude to Dad.

When will we tell our parents? How will we discipline the child? Why cant we name her Ruby? What does placenta previa mean?

Theres a fine line that an expectant dad walks. Ask too many questions or push too hard and youll likely trigger a meltdown of one flavor or another. Ask too little or seem disinterested and youll spend nine months in a regular state of confusion and anxiety.

I chose to retreat with my questions and concerns to the internet, which gave me an abundance of information and very little insight. I chose to internalize my concerns and spent many nights staring at the ceiling. Several times during the pregnancy, I actually found myself sitting on the edge of my bed struggling to breathe.

The thing is, none of my concerns were huge. But, like death by a thousand cuts, they added up.

What will we do about day care? became How will I even pay for day care?

What should we do about church? became Is my childs eternal salvation in my hands alone?

In the moments where I allowed myself to be vulnerable and confide in Mrs. Dude and others, I found not only solace, but satisfaction in the discussion. It may not always be pleasant, but theres no time like the present to talk about the questions you have and the things that matter.

First, let me give my confession. I am addicted to my work. I have horrible eating habits and am overweight. I am not an equal partner with Mrs. Dude when it comes to household chores. And these are the least significant of my shortcomings.

Most disturbing is the fact that, because I havent figured these things out myself, there is a high likelihood that Ill pass at least some, if not all of them, on to my daughter and son. Thats a serious problem.

So, please, for you... and your child, get your sh*t figured out .

This change, this baby, represents an opportunity to change life for the better. Please, please, please take advantage of it. I dont care whether youre fighting addiction, have crappy financial management skills or just need to grow up, this baby gives you an excuse to become a better person.