Table of Contents
PRAISE FORHEALING PAINFUL SEX
A concise, clear, and comprehensive resource that informs and empowers women to get the care they deserve. Coady and Fish tend to womens bodies, minds, and relationships, illustrating precisely the type of integrated and holistic treatment approach that stands the best chance of success.
Marta Meana, PhD, author of Obesity Surgery:
Stories of Altered Lives
Healing Painful Sex identifies many of the mysteries behind diagnoses women commonly receive, and offers solutions to various conditions and disorders. This book makes it easy to understand challenging diagnoses. I highly recommend it to women and their healthcare providers.
Amy Stein, PT, MPT, BCB-PMD, author of Heal Pelvic Pain and
Founder of Beyond Basics Physical Therapy, New York
Sexual pain loses its mystery in a book that comprehensively covers the myriad physical causes and treatments available to replace misdiagnosis and improper treatment. For women, here is hope that cuts through the murkiness of vulvodynia to clear diagnosis for vulvar pain.
Elizabeth G. Stewart, MD, author, The V Book
This book offers thoughtful, often holistic and spiritual advice reminiscent of Eastern Medicine. Anatomical terms and biology are demystified to form the basis of therapy. Great emphasis is placed on listening to the patient and doing a careful, gentle physical examination. Therapy includes physical modalities, medicinal approaches that include both oral and topical drugs, and, when necessary, surgery. I recommend this book enthusiastically to women in search of healing from painful sex.
A. Lee Dellon, MD, PhD, Professor of Plastic Surgery
and Neurosurgery, Johns Hopkins University
INTRODUCTION
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Learning is the first step in making positive changes within yourself.
THE DALAI LAMA
IF YOU HAVE ever felt pain during or because of sex, you are not alone.
Its estimated that 16 to 20 percent of all women have had sexual pain at some point in their livesthats one in every five or six women. Compare that with the percentage of adults (men and women combined) who have asthma (7.7 percent), cancer (8.2 percent), or heart disease (12 percent), and youll see how shockingly common sexual pain is.
If sexual pain is more common than asthma, cancer, and heart disease, why do we often feel so alone with it? Probably becauseunlike asthma, cancer, and heart diseasesexual pain is hard to talk about, even with a doctor. Most women reveal their condition only to a trusted few, and many women feel they cant tell anybody, not even their partners. Most doctorseven the most enlightened gynecologistsare not experienced in treating sexual pain, and they too are often very uncomfortable discussing the subject.
Talking about sexual pain with your doctor can sometimes make you feel even worse than keeping silent. If youve tried to speak with a physician about your condition, you may already have been toldperhaps several timesthat your problem is all in your head, that it stems from your bad attitude toward sex, or that theres nothing that can be done to help you.
Were here to tell you that none of that is true. Sexual pain is almost always caused by an identifiable, verifiable medical condition; it can be treated; and it is not in your head. Very few doctors understand what needs to be done, so help may be hard to find. You may already have been to several doctors, and in your search for effective treatment, you may still have to visit up to a dozen more.
Yes, it is just that difficult to find a physician who is either educated about sexual pain or willing to become so. But help is out there, treatments do exist, and once you find the right person to work with, you have enormous reason for hope. Please dont give up on yourself and your sex life, because we promise you, something can be done.
A full and complete recovery is often possible. In many cases, although you may face some recurring flare-ups of your condition, you can look forward to long periods with no pain or only minimal discomfort. Even in the most difficult situations, you can experience a significant reduction in your pain and can find help for reintroducing sex as a joyous and nourishing part of your life. We promise: Things can get better.
Why are we so sure? Our own experience is our evidence.
ABOUT US
In the rest of this book, well be writing with one voice. But for now, let us speak to you individually and personally, so that you can hear each of our stories.
About Nancy
My name is Nancy Fish. Im a licensed certified social worker with a masters degree in public health, and my training is eclectic. I use a psychodynamic, family-therapy, and cognitivebehavioral approach, and I specialize in chronic illness and grief issues.
When I began my practice fifteen years ago, I never dreamed I would be dealing with my own personal chronic illnesssevere pelvic pain so intense that it sometimes seemed to take over the very core of my identity. I went from one specialist to anotherseven in allbefore I finally found Deborah in 2006.
Ill be honest: When I first walked into Deborahs office, I didnt have much faith that she could help me. But after she spent about two hours with me, her warmth, compassion, and positive attitude gave me hope after being hopeless for so long.
Even though Deborah had years of experience treating women with sexual pain, it took her a while to figure out all the complexities of my condition. Like most women suffering from sexual pain, I did not have one single, simple condition, but a mix of several, and because Id had inadequate treatment for so long, my conditions had compounded and spread. Deborah made it clear that I would need plenty of patience and fortitude for the journey to healingbut she also promised me that we would get there.
I am still a work in progress, and my treatment continues. But I continue to live happily with my husband, to care for my children, and to engage fully in my work as a therapist. A full and satisfying life is possible for mebut only because I got the treatment that Deborah could provide. In many ways, she saved my life, because Im not sure how I would have continued had I found no relief from the agonizing pain. Deborah never gave up on meand she insisted that I never give up on myself. Now that my practice includes many women with sexual pain as well, I try to offer them the same message: Dont lose hope, never give up on living a life with minimal or no pain, and keep believing in your right to enjoy sex and to live a fulfilling life. The reason Im writing this book is to share that message.
About Deborah
I am Deborah Coady, MD, a board-certified gynecologist who has developed a practice treating women with sexual pain. I didnt intend to make that my focus. But I saw so many women suffering from horrendously painful and complicated vulvovaginal conditions, and I began to see that almost no other doctor understood how to help them. I took it upon myself to fill the gap. I began a process of self-education and carved out a niche in this area of medicine.
Now, although I see women of all kinds, most of my practice time and energy are given to treating women with sexual pain. Im continually reading, corresponding with colleagues, and attending conferences, making sure to keep up with the latest research developments and the newest treatments. Im a firm believer in the team approach, and Ive developed close relationships with many cherished colleagues in neurology, dermatology, orthopedics, pain management, physiatry, gastroenterology, urology, peripheral nerve surgery, and physical therapyas well as strong partnerships with Nancy and other therapists. Ive come to see that therapy and psychological support are crucial for sexual healing, and Im happy to promote a holistic approach in this bookfocusing on medical treatments, yes, but including advice on nutrition and lifestyle, and emotional support as well.