Dennis Rainey - Ministering to Twenty-First Century Families

Ministering to
Twenty-First Century
Families

OTHER BOOKS BY DENNIS RAINEY

The New Building Your Mates Self-Esteem (coauthor)

Moments Together for Couples (coauthor)

Parenting Todays Adolescent (coauthor)

Two Hearts Are Better Than One (coauthor)

Starting Your Marriage Right (coauthor)

The Tribute and the Promise (coauthor)

Building Your Marriage

Managing Pressure in Your Marriage (coauthor)

One Home at a Time

SWINDOLL
LEADERSHIP
LIBRARY

Ministering to
Twenty-First Century
Families

Eight Big Ideas
for Church Leaders

DENNIS RAINEY
Charles R. Swindoll, General Editor
Roy B. Zuck, Managing Editor

MINISTERING TO TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY FAMILIES
Swindoll Leadership Library

Copyright 2001 by Dennis Rainey. All rights reserved.

Published by W Publishing Group, a unit of Thomas Nelson, Inc., P. O. Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee 37214. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations used in this book are from the New American Standard Bible (NASB). Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by the Lockman Foundation.

Used by permission.

Scripture quotations identified KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations identified NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Published in association with Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS):

General Editor: Charles R. Swindoll
Managing Editor: Roy B. Zuck

The theological opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily the official position of Dallas Theological Seminary.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rainey, Dennis, 1948
Ministering to twenty-first century families / by Dennis Rainey Charles R. Swindoll, general editor
Roy B. Zuck, managing editor
p. cm.4(Swindoll leadership library)
Includes bibliographical references and indexes.

ISBN 0-8499-1359-4

1. Pastoral Theology. 2. FamilyReligious Life. I. Swindoll, Charles R. II. Title. III. Series

BV4320.R35 2001 2001026269

259.dc21 CIP

Printed in the United States of America

03 04 05 06 07 08 BVG 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to three groups of pastors whom God has used greatly in my life. First, two pastors dramatically shaped my life spiritually. You men will never know how your lives impacted mine.

H. D. McCarty
Alan Harrison

Second, twenty-six pastors and their wives serve families worldwide by being part of our FamilyLife Conference Speaker Team. You are our friends and comrades in a family reformation.

Third, I dedicate this book to three pastors and their wives who have led our church. Thanks for your compassionate shepherding and instruction of Barbara and me and our family.

Bill and Carolyn Wellons

Bill and Anne Parkinson

Robert and Sherard Lewis

CONTENTS

10. Preparing for a Lasting Marriage
Family Life Cycle 1Premarried

11. Honeymoons Over
Family Life Cycle 2Newly Married

12. Sleepless in Suburbia
Family Life Cycle 3Full Nest 1

13. The Golden Years
Family Life Cycle 4Full Nest 2

14. Encounter with Adolescence
Family Life Cycle 5Full Nest 3

15. Free at Last
Family Life Cycle 6Empty Nest 1

16. Sunset
Family Life Cycle 7Empty Nest 2

I love the church. In fact Ive devoted the majority of my life to advancing the cause of Christ through the outreach of the local church. Its a magnificent plan! Think of churches as mission outposts set up all over the world. In neighborhoods, towns, and villages across the globe, the church meets to carry out the mission of the Master. As a pastor, I lead one of those outposts, called Stonebriar Community Church, in Frisco, Texas. There are many others in our region, our country, and around the world equally devoted to the Savior.

Most of the people in a local church are united in a smaller group called a family. In other words the church is a family of families. And of course the local church is only as strong as its strongest families. Show me a healthy, vibrant local church, and Ill show you an assembly filled with healthy, vibrant, fully functioning families.

My longtime friend Dennis Rainey is devoting his life to one causethe strengthening of families. He understands that churches are comprised of families, and that healthy families are the best contributors to the welfare of any church. Healthy families are able to give more of their time, energy, effectiveness, and resources to the Lords work. When families break down, churches step in to offer help and healing. When there are no effective churches to aid families, values erode, communities suffer, neighborhoods deteriorate, towns become less than what they should be.

As you read Ministering to Twenty-First Century Families, Im confident youll be challenged anew, as I was, to promote families through local-church ministries. This broadly experienced author is passionate about families, and it shows in his research and writing. Hes not afraid to take on controversial topics like divorce, remarriage, adoption, abuse, and discipline. He writes with wisdom and wit, drawing from his relevant world of knowledge and reality. I commend this volume to your personal, church, or school library.

Families and churches alike can be thankful Dennis Rainey took the time to spell out exactly the direction family ministry should take as we move rapidly through the twenty-first century.

CHARLES R. SWINDOLL
General Editor

F or nearly twenty-five years my wife, Barbara, and I have been deeply committed to a church we helped startFellowship Bible Church, in Little Rock, Arkansas. In this family-oriented church weve served in a number of capacities as lay leaders.

I believe in the local church. But many local churches are facing challenges, including the serious needs of families. Thats why this book addresses ways to help build godly marriages and families in the local church.